#225 The End of New Beginnings

My parents are visiting this week The white one always follows that black one. She's done that since she was young, right? Yeah, brothers and sisters... But I mean, the black one has always been taking the lead Yeah, it's the male I think, right? A melancholic fire... Lord, we ask your blessing over the food and drink

We thank you that we may be in your beautiful creation Give us strength from the food, and bless the remainder of this day, that we may share with one another, in Jesus' name. Amen Eat well Delicious are those, Martijn, those "Slavinken" But be careful... because if they buckle,

so we'll put them back on top of it and then later, when the fence is back, hang it over the fence then it has the space to grow So from the middle it's a bit easier,

then you switch it on here this is how it switches off you push the red button and then pull the handle and then with a screwdriver you pop them out Alright, I'll first try this I'll do one more row, then I have enough

Yeah, it's fragile Is that OK? Well, it is what it is Alright

It was a beautiful week with my parents. But as much as I want this to be a positive outro, I have bad news to share. It's a difficult time. You might have noticed the past weeks, the mood being different, and Ela not being there, because we broke up. Something that unfolded in the past month or so. Yeah, I'm not gonna bother you too much with why we broke up. You know, it's complex, two people together, trying to build a life... We really tried, we were really fond of each other, and we have great chemistry, so it's not an easy breakup. There's no conflict. But I think the main thing is that we were struggling to combine our lives. I'm very much focused here, building the homestead and turning it into a comfortable and beautiful home, and as much as Ela was also invested in that, and loved living here, she had a lot of other things going on, career-wise.

There were a lot of things coming at her, in the city and in the country... and social life, etc. She's in a different phase of her life than me, and we spent more time apart in the past months, and that was... it was difficult to make things work. Um, and other things too, you know, as much as we tried. Uh It didn't work out in the end. So yeah, it's hard to accept... because we were together for 2 years. So we were really building... and um, I try to just look back now and be grateful for the beautiful time we had together. Ela loved to be part of the videos as well. I mean, a lot of the things she filmed herself, and I think she fitted in perfectly with her passion for traditional dress and heritage fashion and folklore, something that she studies and she's currently making a documentary about with her co-workers.

Yeah, she loved being a part of it, like working on the homestead and reading your comments, although it was mostly my channel about the renovation work. She enjoyed doing that. Yeah... from my perspective... I felt that this whole project, and this life here in Italy, was like building up to this: living together. For most of the time we were really happy. That small cabin was never too small. We were really comfortable together. If I think about this whole... five-year project (almost), starting out on my own, you know, with all the difficulties... camping in winter, these big storms coming by... everything collapsing and... You know, the adventure that was there in the beginning. It's not an adventure anymore, it's kind of an enjoyable project where...

everything became more comfortable, but it's been such a journey, and then, being together, in the middle of winter, having the stove on, everything is comfortable... I was so proud of it, so happy about it. So now it feels like a big step back, which is difficult. I made a video last year in spring that was titled "When Life is Perfect." It was the beginning of the summer, everything was green. I had recently started with the workshop walls. I think they were about this high. So I was in this great momentum of... starting a new project, building a house from scratch, and Ela had recently moved in, finding her way. And uh, I think the video starts with a drive with the Land Rover to here actually, going for a picnic.

It's one of these beautiful places, and there are so many of them here! Where we took a break on the weekend. I have this old camper still that we sometimes spend a few nights in, in the valley by the river in summer. And you know, it's such an incredible place to live. That's why the memories are so beautiful. Not just the house, but all these... you know, on the top of the mountain where we've been, in the valley. So yeah, that video, that was one of those moments where nothing special happened, but life was just perfect and beautiful, where you have work to do that makes you feel like you're doing something purposeful, living together, there's community... There was family visiting this week, but also in June with my brothers. We had such an amazing time together. And Ela's family visiting as well.

Yeah, it makes it extra painful to have these memories now. It's not that those memories are lost, that that life is lost, but I think you lose the opportunity to build on that, which is the painful part. But you know, that's life. I have to accept it and try to move on. The work is gonna go on and I just have to find my rhythm and uh, keep going. But it's uh... yeah, it's hard. I'm being honest about it.