Building Community Abroad: The Brutal Truth of Adult Loneliness

You left your people and now the people You left your people and now the people you meet keep changing. The friends you meet keep changing. The friends you meet keep changing. The friends you've known for 10 years, 20 years, 40 you've known for 10 years, 20 years, 40 you've known for 10 years, 20 years, 40 years, your family, the casual social years, your family, the casual social years, your family, the casual social infrastructure of your old life, your infrastructure of your old life, your infrastructure of your old life, your old job, you didn't realize you were old job, you didn't realize you were old job, you didn't realize you were depending on until you were gone. Right? depending on until you were gone. Right? depending on until you were gone. Right? Building genuine community from scratch Building genuine community from scratch Building genuine community from scratch as an adult in a foreign country is one as an adult in a foreign country is one as an adult in a foreign country is one of the hardest social tasks you will of the hardest social tasks you will of the hardest social tasks you will ever attempt. It takes much, much longer ever attempt. It takes much, much longer ever attempt. It takes much, much longer than people expect. It requires more than people expect. It requires more than people expect. It requires more vulnerability than a lot of people are vulnerability than a lot of people are vulnerability than a lot of people are comfortable with. And you have to be comfortable with. And you have to be comfortable with. And you have to be flexible because it's ever changing. The flexible because it's ever changing. The flexible because it's ever changing. The gap between arriving actually having gap between arriving actually having gap between arriving actually having community can be six months, can be a community can be six months, can be a community can be six months, can be a year, it can be forever, an ongoing year, it can be forever, an ongoing year, it can be forever, an ongoing process, right? And a significant number process, right? And a significant number process, right? And a significant number of people fill the gap with the wrong of people fill the gap with the wrong of people fill the gap with the wrong thing. Alcohol, overspending, thing. Alcohol, overspending, thing. Alcohol, overspending, increasingly shallow social interactions increasingly shallow social interactions increasingly shallow social interactions with other transient expats who are with other transient expats who are with other transient expats who are going to be gone in 90 days. You know, going to be gone in 90 days. You know, going to be gone in 90 days. You know, you retreat into screens, a slow, quiet you retreat into screens, a slow, quiet you retreat into screens, a slow, quiet depression that sneaks up because the depression that sneaks up because the depression that sneaks up because the external circumstances are so external circumstances are so external circumstances are so objectively good that it feels absurd to objectively good that it feels absurd to objectively good that it feels absurd to complain about it. But the loneliness complain about it. But the loneliness complain about it. But the loneliness failure mode is the one people are least failure mode is the one people are least failure mode is the one people are least likely to admit and is most likely to likely to admit and is most likely to likely to admit and is most likely to happen. Supposed to be living the dream.

happen. Supposed to be living the dream. happen. Supposed to be living the dream. How do you tell people back home that How do you tell people back home that How do you tell people back home that you're sitting alone in a beautiful you're sitting alone in a beautiful you're sitting alone in a beautiful apartment on the internet all the time apartment on the internet all the time apartment on the internet all the time with nothing to do, too annoyed, scared, with nothing to do, too annoyed, scared, with nothing to do, too annoyed, scared, or whatever, broke to go