We Never Expected These Difficult Challenges When We First Moved Abroad

Hi, my name's [music] Josh. My wife Hi, my name's [music] Josh. My wife Kaylee and I have just completed 17 Kaylee and I have just completed 17 Kaylee and I have just completed 17 years of living abroad. We're coming years of living abroad. We're coming years of living abroad. We're coming into another chapter of our lives yet into another chapter of our lives yet into another chapter of our lives yet again, and we never even thought of again, and we never even thought of again, and we never even thought of these kinds of challenges [music] these kinds of challenges [music] these kinds of challenges [music] when we first started. So, this video when we first started. So, this video when we first started. So, this video here might be a little bit of a here might be a little bit of a here might be a little bit of a difficult one as we talk about things difficult one as we talk about things difficult one as we talk about things that are really personal to us and that are really personal to us and that are really personal to us and something recently happened that I just something recently happened that I just something recently happened that I just really gotten full closure on. really gotten full closure on. really gotten full closure on. Last month, my grandmother passed away Last month, my grandmother passed away Last month, my grandmother passed away and she was easily one of the biggest and she was easily one of the biggest and she was easily one of the biggest influences of my life even though I influences of my life even though I influences of my life even though I didn't see her very much. And once I didn't see her very much. And once I didn't see her very much. And once I moved abroad, I definitely saw her less. moved abroad, I definitely saw her less. moved abroad, I definitely saw her less. When I was a kid, my grandmother would When I was a kid, my grandmother would When I was a kid, my grandmother would go to these far-flung places go to these far-flung places go to these far-flung places >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> and bring back little trinkets and tell >> and bring back little trinkets and tell >> and bring back little trinkets and tell me amazing stories of her international me amazing stories of her international me amazing stories of her international travels. travels. travels. And that really had a huge impact on me And that really had a huge impact on me And that really had a huge impact on me and it laid a foundation that and it laid a foundation that and it laid a foundation that eventually I wanted to really walk in eventually I wanted to really walk in eventually I wanted to really walk in her shoes and chase after the things her shoes and chase after the things her shoes and chase after the things that she chased after. that she chased after. that she chased after. And that sparked my interest in moving And that sparked my interest in moving And that sparked my interest in moving abroad and for me, it's what forced me abroad and for me, it's what forced me abroad and for me, it's what forced me to move abroad.

to move abroad. to move abroad. She was one of the first people that She was one of the first people that She was one of the first people that actually understood why I was doing it. actually understood why I was doing it. actually understood why I was doing it. And as time went on, the visits got less And as time went on, the visits got less And as time went on, the visits got less and less frequent and the phone calls and less frequent and the phone calls and less frequent and the phone calls became more difficult as she aged and became more difficult as she aged and became more difficult as she aged and didn't really know how to didn't really know how to didn't really know how to keep up with technological advances. keep up with technological advances. keep up with technological advances. It became more challenging to maintain It became more challenging to maintain It became more challenging to maintain that relationship the same way it was that relationship the same way it was that relationship the same way it was when we lived back in the US. when we lived back in the US. when we lived back in the US. So, one of the things that we find So, one of the things that we find So, one of the things that we find really challenging is really challenging is really challenging is people passing. Moving abroad makes it people passing. Moving abroad makes it people passing. Moving abroad makes it really challenging. really challenging. really challenging. >> With the passing of Grams, it got me >> With the passing of Grams, it got me >> With the passing of Grams, it got me thinking that our 6-year-old daughter thinking that our 6-year-old daughter thinking that our 6-year-old daughter hasn't even met my mom's parents who are hasn't even met my mom's parents who are hasn't even met my mom's parents who are both still alive. [music] Because Grams both still alive. [music] Because Grams both still alive. [music] Because Grams passing away, that was Josh's last passing away, that was Josh's last passing away, that was Josh's last grandparent. grandparent. grandparent. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> And so, our daughter Valencia had a lot >> And so, our daughter Valencia had a lot >> And so, our daughter Valencia had a lot of questions about that being a great of questions about that being a great of questions about that being a great grandchild and now not having great grandchild and now not having great grandchild and now not having great grandparents. And I said, "Well, you do grandparents. And I said, "Well, you do grandparents. And I said, "Well, you do actually still have three on my end." actually still have three on my end." actually still have three on my end." She's met my dad's dad, but she hasn't She's met my dad's dad, but she hasn't She's met my dad's dad, but she hasn't met my mom's parents. Both of them are met my mom's parents. Both of them are met my mom's parents. Both of them are still alive. And we don't really still alive. And we don't really still alive. And we don't really communicate too much either, again, cuz communicate too much either, again, cuz communicate too much either, again, cuz of technology. And they live on the West of technology. And they live on the West of technology. And they live on the West Coast. So, generally, since we're in Coast. So, generally, since we're in Coast. So, generally, since we're in Portugal, when we come back, most of our Portugal, when we come back, most of our Portugal, when we come back, most of our family's on the East Coast. So, when we family's on the East Coast. So, when we family's on the East Coast. So, when we do actually go back and visit, which is do actually go back and visit, which is do actually go back and visit, which is hard to do that because of work and hard to do that because of work and hard to do that because of work and school and timing, when we do go back, school and timing, when we do go back, school and timing, when we do go back, it's on the East Coast because going to it's on the East Coast because going to it's on the East Coast because going to the West Coast is adding an extra 5 the West Coast is adding an extra 5 the West Coast is adding an extra 5 hours to go see some of our extended hours to go see some of our extended hours to go see some of our extended family that lives out there. So, they family that lives out there. So, they family that lives out there. So, they haven't met. And even when we do have haven't met. And even when we do have haven't met. And even when we do have conversations, it's a little harder conversations, it's a little harder conversations, it's a little harder because because they haven't met. So,

because because they haven't met. So, because because they haven't met. So, it's hard to keep Valencia's attention it's hard to keep Valencia's attention it's hard to keep Valencia's attention for people that she doesn't actually for people that she doesn't actually for people that she doesn't actually really know. And so, I'll get messages really know. And so, I'll get messages really know. And so, I'll get messages from my grandma and that she'll joke, from my grandma and that she'll joke, from my grandma and that she'll joke, you know, "I would like to see Valencia you know, "I would like to see Valencia you know, "I would like to see Valencia before her wedding." is what she'll say. before her wedding." is what she'll say. before her wedding." is what she'll say. It's hard though actually to plan that It's hard though actually to plan that It's hard though actually to plan that out and to make sure logistically that out and to make sure logistically that out and to make sure logistically that it would work. And this time we're going it would work. And this time we're going it would work. And this time we're going back to the States, I thought, "Well, back to the States, I thought, "Well, back to the States, I thought, "Well, maybe we'll try to go out there." But we maybe we'll try to go out there." But we maybe we'll try to go out there." But we couldn't make it work. So, I thought, couldn't make it work. So, I thought, couldn't make it work. So, I thought, "Can my grandparents fly out East?" "Can my grandparents fly out East?" "Can my grandparents fly out East?" Because they do that sometimes. But Because they do that sometimes. But Because they do that sometimes. But again, with health reasons, it is making again, with health reasons, it is making again, with health reasons, it is making it harder. So, at some point, I'm it harder. So, at some point, I'm it harder. So, at some point, I'm thinking we have to figure out a way thinking we have to figure out a way thinking we have to figure out a way that they can actually meet that that that they can actually meet that that that they can actually meet that that Valencia can connect with the the Valencia can connect with the the Valencia can connect with the the grandparents that she has. She met Grams grandparents that she has. She met Grams grandparents that she has. She met Grams a few times. It was amazing and it was a few times. It was amazing and it was a few times. It was amazing and it was beautiful. And so, it's like I want her beautiful. And so, it's like I want her beautiful. And so, it's like I want her to know her grandparents before it's too to know her grandparents before it's too to know her grandparents before it's too late. So, thinking about the aging late. So, thinking about the aging late. So, thinking about the aging grandparents and family members and how grandparents and family members and how grandparents and family members and how important it is, even when we do live important it is, even when we do live important it is, even when we do live abroad, that we make sure they are able abroad, that we make sure they are able abroad, that we make sure they are able to connect with each other. It's to connect with each other. It's to connect with each other. It's important. important. important. >> It's funny Kaylee's talking about >> It's funny Kaylee's talking about >> It's funny Kaylee's talking about grandparents because essentially they're grandparents because essentially they're grandparents because essentially they're our grandparents and Valencia's great our grandparents and Valencia's great our grandparents and Valencia's great grandparents. grandparents. grandparents. >> Yes, my grandparents.

>> Yes, my grandparents. >> Yes, my grandparents. >> me make that distinction. And I do want >> me make that distinction. And I do want >> me make that distinction. And I do want to say that we have been completely to say that we have been completely to say that we have been completely blessed with the fact that our parents, blessed with the fact that our parents, blessed with the fact that our parents, Valencia's grandparents, have made an Valencia's grandparents, have made an Valencia's grandparents, have made an effort to come here to Portugal to visit effort to come here to Portugal to visit effort to come here to Portugal to visit with her. And we've noticed something with her. And we've noticed something with her. And we've noticed something pretty key. And that is her relationship pretty key. And that is her relationship pretty key. And that is her relationship with with with them whenever they come and visit grows them whenever they come and visit grows them whenever they come and visit grows so much deeper. so much deeper. so much deeper. And when we jump on those phone calls, And when we jump on those phone calls, And when we jump on those phone calls, the connection is there for her. It's the connection is there for her. It's the connection is there for her. It's It's more real. She's able to talk about It's more real. She's able to talk about It's more real. She's able to talk about some of the same things that she would some of the same things that she would some of the same things that she would have when she did when it was in person have when she did when it was in person have when she did when it was in person versus versus versus having that like disconnected feeling having that like disconnected feeling having that like disconnected feeling because she doesn't actually have enough because she doesn't actually have enough because she doesn't actually have enough like real FaceTime. I think as adults, like real FaceTime. I think as adults, like real FaceTime. I think as adults, we're okay with using the app FaceTime we're okay with using the app FaceTime we're okay with using the app FaceTime to stay connected with people, but for to stay connected with people, but for to stay connected with people, but for kids, it seems like it's much more kids, it seems like it's much more kids, it seems like it's much more challenging. challenging. challenging. >> And we are blessed to have that as an >> And we are blessed to have that as an >> And we are blessed to have that as an option. When we first moved abroad, that option. When we first moved abroad, that option. When we first moved abroad, that stuff didn't exist. You couldn't stuff didn't exist. You couldn't stuff didn't exist. You couldn't actually [clears throat] see someone actually [clears throat] see someone actually [clears throat] see someone when you talked to them on the phone.

when you talked to them on the phone. when you talked to them on the phone. So, it is nice that we have it, but it So, it is nice that we have it, but it So, it is nice that we have it, but it is harder for kids, like Josh is saying, is harder for kids, like Josh is saying, is harder for kids, like Josh is saying, to connect with that screen if they to connect with that screen if they to connect with that screen if they haven't had a real life connection in haven't had a real life connection in haven't had a real life connection in person. And we do always notice that person. And we do always notice that person. And we do always notice that when time lapses a little bit from when when time lapses a little bit from when when time lapses a little bit from when the grandparents visit, those phone the grandparents visit, those phone the grandparents visit, those phone calls are harder to keep her attention. calls are harder to keep her attention. calls are harder to keep her attention. But when it's fresh, when they've just But when it's fresh, when they've just But when it's fresh, when they've just left and then we're talking, she's more left and then we're talking, she's more left and then we're talking, she's more likely to talk to them because I think likely to talk to them because I think likely to talk to them because I think she just had that personal connection. she just had that personal connection. she just had that personal connection. So, seeing each other and actually being So, seeing each other and actually being So, seeing each other and actually being physically in the same room is really physically in the same room is really physically in the same room is really important. important. important. >> And this really brings up a challenge >> And this really brings up a challenge >> And this really brings up a challenge that we've noticed with with you, with that we've noticed with with you, with that we've noticed with with you, with our viewers, and with people that we've our viewers, and with people that we've our viewers, and with people that we've met who have struggled to I don't want met who have struggled to I don't want met who have struggled to I don't want to say adapt to living abroad or living to say adapt to living abroad or living to say adapt to living abroad or living in Portugal, but it's been something in Portugal, but it's been something in Portugal, but it's been something that has been a challenge, and that is that has been a challenge, and that is that has been a challenge, and that is when you get to be our age or maybe when you get to be our age or maybe when you get to be our age or maybe you're in your 50s and 60s, you're in your 50s and 60s, you're in your 50s and 60s, like family becomes so much more like family becomes so much more like family becomes so much more important. So, we have a friend of ours important. So, we have a friend of ours important. So, we have a friend of ours that that that had both her her parents started to have had both her her parents started to have had both her her parents started to have health issues, but more importantly for health issues, but more importantly for health issues, but more importantly for her, actually, her daughter her, actually, her daughter her, actually, her daughter started to have grandbabies. And going started to have grandbabies. And going started to have grandbabies. And going back and visiting those grandbabies, back and visiting those grandbabies, back and visiting those grandbabies, it made it more and more difficult to it made it more and more difficult to it made it more and more difficult to leave the US and come back to real life leave the US and come back to real life leave the US and come back to real life here in Portugal. So, ultimately, here in Portugal. So, ultimately, here in Portugal. So, ultimately, I think the the best decision for her I think the the best decision for her I think the the best decision for her and her partner was to, at least for and her partner was to, at least for and her partner was to, at least for now, move back to the US. And I don't

now, move back to the US. And I don't now, move back to the US. And I don't look at that at all as a failure. And I look at that at all as a failure. And I look at that at all as a failure. And I think anybody who makes that decision, think anybody who makes that decision, think anybody who makes that decision, they're just making the the best they're just making the the best they're just making the the best decision for their family that that they decision for their family that that they decision for their family that that they believe and that they can. believe and that they can. believe and that they can. So, it's not a failure. It's just you So, it's not a failure. It's just you So, it's not a failure. It's just you kind of re-prioritize, if you will. kind of re-prioritize, if you will. kind of re-prioritize, if you will. And I think for us, we we're starting to And I think for us, we we're starting to And I think for us, we we're starting to notice that in our lives. Like, we're notice that in our lives. Like, we're notice that in our lives. Like, we're starting to really starting to really starting to really have a better understanding of what our have a better understanding of what our have a better understanding of what our priorities are. priorities are. priorities are. >> And I think for the longest time, >> And I think for the longest time, >> And I think for the longest time, culturally, it is you work, you have culturally, it is you work, you have culturally, it is you work, you have your family, your house, you continue to your family, your house, you continue to your family, your house, you continue to work, you work, and you save up all the work, you work, and you save up all the work, you work, and you save up all the money so that when you retire, you can money so that when you retire, you can money so that when you retire, you can do all of these fun things. And so now, do all of these fun things. And so now, do all of these fun things. And so now, a lot of you are retiring, and you're a lot of you are retiring, and you're a lot of you are retiring, and you're thinking, "I want to live abroad. I want thinking, "I want to live abroad. I want thinking, "I want to live abroad. I want to live in a different country." And to live in a different country." And to live in a different country." And Portugal is a great place to do that. Portugal is a great place to do that. Portugal is a great place to do that. So, you do that, but then you realize So, you do that, but then you realize So, you do that, but then you realize it's not that you maybe had any problems it's not that you maybe had any problems it's not that you maybe had any problems with the US, but you do realize being with the US, but you do realize being with the US, but you do realize being away from family, now that you have all away from family, now that you have all away from family, now that you have all that time, you're not working anymore, that time, you're not working anymore, that time, you're not working anymore, you have all this time. And so then you you have all this time. And so then you you have all this time. And so then you find, "Well, with this time, what am I find, "Well, with this time, what am I find, "Well, with this time, what am I doing? I'm going to go visit my doing? I'm going to go visit my doing? I'm going to go visit my grandkids." So, you find yourself flying grandkids." So, you find yourself flying grandkids." So, you find yourself flying back to the US, and how sustainable is back to the US, and how sustainable is back to the US, and how sustainable is that? So, also, I think it's difficult that? So, also, I think it's difficult that? So, also, I think it's difficult to find the balance of, "I'm retired. I to find the balance of, "I'm retired. I to find the balance of, "I'm retired. I deserve this. I owe this to myself to be deserve this. I owe this to myself to be deserve this. I owe this to myself to be able to do what I had planned or what I able to do what I had planned or what I able to do what I had planned or what I wanted to do now that I have the money wanted to do now that I have the money wanted to do now that I have the money and no work, you know, I I can do this."

and no work, you know, I I can do this." and no work, you know, I I can do this." But, But, But, uh at the end of the day, you end up uh at the end of the day, you end up uh at the end of the day, you end up finding out that what you really want to finding out that what you really want to finding out that what you really want to do is spend time with your family. Maybe do is spend time with your family. Maybe do is spend time with your family. Maybe that you didn't have that because you that you didn't have that because you that you didn't have that because you were working. So, you might want to move were working. So, you might want to move were working. So, you might want to move abroad, but you might have this internal abroad, but you might have this internal abroad, but you might have this internal tension of, "I'm abroad, and I'm loving tension of, "I'm abroad, and I'm loving tension of, "I'm abroad, and I'm loving my life here, but I'm missing my family my life here, but I'm missing my family my life here, but I'm missing my family and I don't want to miss the different and I don't want to miss the different and I don't want to miss the different stages of my grandkids, especially when stages of my grandkids, especially when stages of my grandkids, especially when they're little because they go through they're little because they go through they're little because they go through all these different stages. And again, a all these different stages. And again, a all these different stages. And again, a screen and talking can only do so much. screen and talking can only do so much. screen and talking can only do so much. So, sometimes the pull of grandkids and So, sometimes the pull of grandkids and So, sometimes the pull of grandkids and other family members might bring you other family members might bring you other family members might bring you back to your home country. back to your home country. back to your home country. >> Can we talk about workaholics and >> Can we talk about workaholics and >> Can we talk about workaholics and retirement for a second? Because my dad retirement for a second? Because my dad retirement for a second? Because my dad was a self-proclaimed workaholic and I was a self-proclaimed workaholic and I was a self-proclaimed workaholic and I didn't I didn't know how he was going to didn't I didn't know how he was going to didn't I didn't know how he was going to adapt to retirement. adapt to retirement. adapt to retirement. Our relationship has gotten so much Our relationship has gotten so much Our relationship has gotten so much stronger in his retirement because now stronger in his retirement because now stronger in his retirement because now he has an abundance of free time and he has an abundance of free time and he has an abundance of free time and we're able to communicate like much more we're able to communicate like much more we're able to communicate like much more spontaneously. spontaneously. spontaneously. We realized whenever we lived in Spain We realized whenever we lived in Spain We realized whenever we lived in Spain back in 2009, it was probably 2010 or back in 2009, it was probably 2010 or back in 2009, it was probably 2010 or maybe even end of 2011 when we actually maybe even end of 2011 when we actually maybe even end of 2011 when we actually like had a real heart-to-heart because I like had a real heart-to-heart because I like had a real heart-to-heart because I would go like months without talking to would go like months without talking to would go like months without talking to him. And not because anything was wrong, him. And not because anything was wrong, him. And not because anything was wrong, but because we didn't set aside time.

but because we didn't set aside time. but because we didn't set aside time. And I think at some point he realized And I think at some point he realized And I think at some point he realized that that that I was starting to get a little upset I was starting to get a little upset I was starting to get a little upset over it and I called him out on it and over it and I called him out on it and over it and I called him out on it and he said, "You know, look, with the way he said, "You know, look, with the way he said, "You know, look, with the way my work is, I do need to like my work is, I do need to like my work is, I do need to like essentially fit you into the schedule." essentially fit you into the schedule." essentially fit you into the schedule." I did not take offense to that. I said, I did not take offense to that. I said, I did not take offense to that. I said, "Let's do it, Dad. We'll we'll set aside "Let's do it, Dad. We'll we'll set aside "Let's do it, Dad. We'll we'll set aside a time every Sunday and we'll have have a time every Sunday and we'll have have a time every Sunday and we'll have have these conversations." And we've known these conversations." And we've known these conversations." And we've known several of our friends that live here several of our friends that live here several of our friends that live here and have lived in other places that and have lived in other places that and have lived in other places that we've lived that have done the same we've lived that have done the same we've lived that have done the same exact thing. They set aside a specific exact thing. They set aside a specific exact thing. They set aside a specific time of the week, they guard that time, time of the week, they guard that time, time of the week, they guard that time, and they're able to have these regular and they're able to have these regular and they're able to have these regular conversations with their family. conversations with their family. conversations with their family. Well, my dad and I did this for a number Well, my dad and I did this for a number Well, my dad and I did this for a number of years and our relationship was of years and our relationship was of years and our relationship was really, really good, but when he really, really good, but when he really, really good, but when he retired, he had an abundance of free retired, he had an abundance of free retired, he had an abundance of free time and it's also given him the ability time and it's also given him the ability time and it's also given him the ability to come visit more often. to come visit more often. to come visit more often. And that's been phenomenal. So, I say And that's been phenomenal. So, I say And that's been phenomenal. So, I say that to say like retirees shouldn't fear that to say like retirees shouldn't fear that to say like retirees shouldn't fear that they're not going to have the time that they're not going to have the time that they're not going to have the time that they need to if they live abroad to that they need to if they live abroad to that they need to if they live abroad to connect to family. Like you will have connect to family. Like you will have connect to family. Like you will have much more time than you expect and take much more time than you expect and take much more time than you expect and take advantage of that.

advantage of that. advantage of that. >> And I think that it's actually really >> And I think that it's actually really >> And I think that it's actually really important to set aside time to talk to important to set aside time to talk to important to set aside time to talk to family because life gets just gets family because life gets just gets family because life gets just gets going. You get going and you realize, going. You get going and you realize, going. You get going and you realize, "Wow, it's been a couple weeks, a couple "Wow, it's been a couple weeks, a couple "Wow, it's been a couple weeks, a couple months and I haven't spoken to this months and I haven't spoken to this months and I haven't spoken to this person." And it's very, very easy to person." And it's very, very easy to person." And it's very, very easy to then just kind of have that then just kind of have that then just kind of have that disconnection. So, having, you know, for disconnection. So, having, you know, for disconnection. So, having, you know, for your schedule, for your schedule, for your schedule, for your schedule, for your schedule, for your schedule, for your friend's schedule, or your family your friend's schedule, or your family your friend's schedule, or your family member's schedule, sometimes that's how member's schedule, sometimes that's how member's schedule, sometimes that's how you have to do it so that you can stay you have to do it so that you can stay you have to do it so that you can stay connected. And I would say also with connected. And I would say also with connected. And I would say also with Josh's dad, um while he needed to fit us Josh's dad, um while he needed to fit us Josh's dad, um while he needed to fit us into the schedule, he also was so busy into the schedule, he also was so busy into the schedule, he also was so busy and didn't have the mental capacity just and didn't have the mental capacity just and didn't have the mental capacity just to have these longer, uh more informal to have these longer, uh more informal to have these longer, uh more informal conversations cuz he was always having conversations cuz he was always having conversations cuz he was always having to think about work and always on in to think about work and always on in to think about work and always on in that work mode. And so, when you do that work mode. And so, when you do that work mode. And so, when you do retire, you get to have a little more retire, you get to have a little more retire, you get to have a little more more of that relaxing. So, that being more of that relaxing. So, that being more of that relaxing. So, that being said, too, you think a lot more. So, said, too, you think a lot more. So, said, too, you think a lot more. So, then you might doubt, you might wonder, then you might doubt, you might wonder, then you might doubt, you might wonder, "Did I make a good decision? Like did I "Did I make a good decision? Like did I "Did I make a good decision? Like did I leave my grandkids? And what should I leave my grandkids? And what should I leave my grandkids? And what should I do?" So, just always keeping that in do?" So, just always keeping that in do?" So, just always keeping that in mind and it makes me think about my dad mind and it makes me think about my dad mind and it makes me think about my dad who is kind of a very different scenario who is kind of a very different scenario who is kind of a very different scenario to Josh's dad. So, my dad worked a lot to Josh's dad. So, my dad worked a lot to Josh's dad. So, my dad worked a lot as well, but with his job, he traveled a as well, but with his job, he traveled a as well, but with his job, he traveled a lot. So, he traveled a lot domestically, lot. So, he traveled a lot domestically, lot. So, he traveled a lot domestically, internationally, he was all over the internationally, he was all over the internationally, he was all over the place. He did that for work, but then he place. He did that for work, but then he place. He did that for work, but then he and my mom also did it for leisure and and my mom also did it for leisure and and my mom also did it for leisure and vacations and so on. So, he has traveled vacations and so on. So, he has traveled vacations and so on. So, he has traveled a lot and he has been outside of the a lot and he has been outside of the a lot and he has been outside of the country, outside of his home, in and out country, outside of his home, in and out country, outside of his home, in and out a lot. Growing up, that's how it was.

a lot. Growing up, that's how it was. a lot. Growing up, that's how it was. And even after he retired, he enjoys And even after he retired, he enjoys And even after he retired, he enjoys traveling, but now as he's getting traveling, but now as he's getting traveling, but now as he's getting older, a lot older, you can see that older, a lot older, you can see that older, a lot older, you can see that he's uncomfortable, which we never he's uncomfortable, which we never he's uncomfortable, which we never thought this would happen because he was thought this would happen because he was thought this would happen because he was always the comfortable one in the always the comfortable one in the always the comfortable one in the airports, in the hotels, on public airports, in the hotels, on public airports, in the hotels, on public transportation. And now this past visit, transportation. And now this past visit, transportation. And now this past visit, cuz my parents thankfully are able to cuz my parents thankfully are able to cuz my parents thankfully are able to come about twice a year, but normally come about twice a year, but normally come about twice a year, but normally they only come for about a week or two they only come for about a week or two they only come for about a week or two weeks. And for the longest time we weeks. And for the longest time we weeks. And for the longest time we thought this was because my grandfather, thought this was because my grandfather, thought this was because my grandfather, his dad, is a lot older and he doesn't his dad, is a lot older and he doesn't his dad, is a lot older and he doesn't want to be too far away from him. Like want to be too far away from him. Like want to be too far away from him. Like in Europe, if something would happen cuz in Europe, if something would happen cuz in Europe, if something would happen cuz they live fairly close in the US. And they live fairly close in the US. And they live fairly close in the US. And so, he wants to be there just in case so, he wants to be there just in case so, he wants to be there just in case something happens. So, we always thought something happens. So, we always thought something happens. So, we always thought it was he didn't want to be away from it was he didn't want to be away from it was he didn't want to be away from grandpa too long. But on this most grandpa too long. But on this most grandpa too long. But on this most recent trip, they decided to stay a recent trip, they decided to stay a recent trip, they decided to stay a little longer and they were here for a little longer and they were here for a little longer and they were here for a whole month, which I think was nice in whole month, which I think was nice in whole month, which I think was nice in the sense that they had an Airbnb, they the sense that they had an Airbnb, they the sense that they had an Airbnb, they could kind of settle in, they weren't could kind of settle in, they weren't could kind of settle in, they weren't staying at a hotel, so they could do staying at a hotel, so they could do staying at a hotel, so they could do groceries and kind of feel like what groceries and kind of feel like what groceries and kind of feel like what life would be like if they wanted to life would be like if they wanted to life would be like if they wanted to actually move here or at least spend a actually move here or at least spend a actually move here or at least spend a couple months here every once in a couple months here every once in a couple months here every once in a while. And my dad while. And my dad while. And my dad didn't like it, to be frank.

didn't like it, to be frank. didn't like it, to be frank. >> Yeah, he actually voiced this concern to >> Yeah, he actually voiced this concern to >> Yeah, he actually voiced this concern to us. Said, "I I don't feel comfortable us. Said, "I I don't feel comfortable us. Said, "I I don't feel comfortable being away from home this long." being away from home this long." being away from home this long." >> And it's odd because we >> And it's odd because we >> And it's odd because we >> a shock. >> a shock. >> a shock. >> Yeah, we were surprised. We have been >> Yeah, we were surprised. We have been >> Yeah, we were surprised. We have been here almost 6 years and they have come here almost 6 years and they have come here almost 6 years and they have come countless times, probably about 10 times countless times, probably about 10 times countless times, probably about 10 times at this point. So, it's not like Porto at this point. So, it's not like Porto at this point. So, it's not like Porto is unfamiliar to him, but what it is is unfamiliar to him, but what it is is unfamiliar to him, but what it is it's being away from his home and from it's being away from his home and from it's being away from his home and from his comforts and what he knows. Even his comforts and what he knows. Even his comforts and what he knows. Even though he's found comforts here, it's though he's found comforts here, it's though he's found comforts here, it's not the same. And so, we were really not the same. And so, we were really not the same. And so, we were really surprised about this and so, that's the surprised about this and so, that's the surprised about this and so, that's the last time my dad will be here for a last time my dad will be here for a last time my dad will be here for a month, for sure. I think my mom will month, for sure. I think my mom will month, for sure. I think my mom will come for a little bit longer, but I come for a little bit longer, but I come for a little bit longer, but I think a week to 2 weeks is good for him. think a week to 2 weeks is good for him. think a week to 2 weeks is good for him. So, in my thinking, that reminds me that So, in my thinking, that reminds me that So, in my thinking, that reminds me that we do need to go back to the US to visit we do need to go back to the US to visit we do need to go back to the US to visit parents. Cuz if my dad, even if we see parents. Cuz if my dad, even if we see parents. Cuz if my dad, even if we see him twice a year and it's only for like him twice a year and it's only for like him twice a year and it's only for like a week or 2 weeks, if he's not a week or 2 weeks, if he's not a week or 2 weeks, if he's not comfortable or he gets a little older comfortable or he gets a little older comfortable or he gets a little older and isn't even comfortable making that and isn't even comfortable making that and isn't even comfortable making that move over here for a short term, then we move over here for a short term, then we move over here for a short term, then we need to make sure that we're going back.

need to make sure that we're going back. need to make sure that we're going back. And going back to see him and to see our And going back to see him and to see our And going back to see him and to see our parents, see his grandparents who aren't parents, see his grandparents who aren't parents, see his grandparents who aren't comfortable, but then the ones that comfortable, but then the ones that comfortable, but then the ones that don't even travel. So, we need just need don't even travel. So, we need just need don't even travel. So, we need just need to make it a point that we can still to make it a point that we can still to make it a point that we can still connect her to our parents. connect her to our parents. connect her to our parents. >> Yeah, which >> Yeah, which >> Yeah, which really brings me on to want to talk really brings me on to want to talk really brings me on to want to talk about about about something, a pattern, let's say, that something, a pattern, let's say, that something, a pattern, let's say, that we've seen we've seen we've seen countless times and especially as we countless times and especially as we countless times and especially as we were international school teachers were international school teachers were international school teachers working in Singapore and connecting with working in Singapore and connecting with working in Singapore and connecting with a lot of American families um and and a lot of American families um and and a lot of American families um and and seeing kind of seeing kind of seeing kind of the the complications that that distance the the complications that that distance the the complications that that distance gives and the the variance in the gives and the the variance in the gives and the the variance in the culture. You know, we recently had a culture. You know, we recently had a culture. You know, we recently had a friend that told us friend that told us friend that told us they're considering moving back to the they're considering moving back to the they're considering moving back to the US and I could I could sense this coming US and I could I could sense this coming US and I could I could sense this coming and one of the the triggers was and one of the the triggers was and one of the the triggers was she was talking about how her daughter she was talking about how her daughter she was talking about how her daughter felt felt felt being back in the US. Like her daughter being back in the US. Like her daughter being back in the US. Like her daughter started to show signs of being a lot started to show signs of being a lot started to show signs of being a lot more comfortable with who she was and more comfortable with who she was and more comfortable with who she was and who she was surrounded by who she was surrounded by who she was surrounded by and I could sense like here it comes and I could sense like here it comes and I could sense like here it comes that we're like we're about to in the that we're like we're about to in the that we're like we're about to in the next you know, few months here that next you know, few months here that next you know, few months here that they're going to move back. I mean I they're going to move back. I mean I they're going to move back. I mean I asked the question asked the question asked the question uh and I very quickly got the answer uh and I very quickly got the answer uh and I very quickly got the answer that that they're very seriously that that they're very seriously that that they're very seriously considering it already and it's of no considering it already and it's of no considering it already and it's of no surprise and again, it's not one of surprise and again, it's not one of surprise and again, it's not one of those flash points where you say they those flash points where you say they those flash points where you say they failed because they failed to adapt. You failed because they failed to adapt. You failed because they failed to adapt. You don't know how kids are going to adapt don't know how kids are going to adapt don't know how kids are going to adapt to a place and I don't think it's a a

to a place and I don't think it's a a to a place and I don't think it's a a failure on the parents' side to not failure on the parents' side to not failure on the parents' side to not helping the kids adapt. Like you just helping the kids adapt. Like you just helping the kids adapt. Like you just don't know what they're going to don't know what they're going to don't know what they're going to resonate with and we look at our resonate with and we look at our resonate with and we look at our daughter daughter daughter and we think that she's adapted to being and we think that she's adapted to being and we think that she's adapted to being in Portugal because she's been amongst in Portugal because she's been amongst in Portugal because she's been amongst Portuguese and not a local school, but a Portuguese and not a local school, but a Portuguese and not a local school, but a school that that does speak the language school that that does speak the language school that that does speak the language here. She's surrounded uh by her peers here. She's surrounded uh by her peers here. She's surrounded uh by her peers and has these social connections and and has these social connections and and has these social connections and these social connections we found is these social connections we found is these social connections we found is really what's helped root her into to really what's helped root her into to really what's helped root her into to being a third culture kid, like a real being a third culture kid, like a real being a third culture kid, like a real third culture kid. TCK is what gets third culture kid. TCK is what gets third culture kid. TCK is what gets thrown around a lot. She has these thrown around a lot. She has these thrown around a lot. She has these relationships and connections with not relationships and connections with not relationships and connections with not just international people, but local just international people, but local just international people, but local people in so much that she identifies people in so much that she identifies people in so much that she identifies kind of everybody as a part of her her kind of everybody as a part of her her kind of everybody as a part of her her Portugal experience. Portugal experience. Portugal experience. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Now, when we go back to the US, we >> Now, when we go back to the US, we >> Now, when we go back to the US, we noticed this the past two visits, she noticed this the past two visits, she noticed this the past two visits, she spent much more quality time with her spent much more quality time with her spent much more quality time with her cousins, cousins, cousins, specifically her cousins. Again, people specifically her cousins. Again, people specifically her cousins. Again, people that are near her age, although they're that are near her age, although they're that are near her age, although they're all several years older, but they have all several years older, but they have all several years older, but they have fun and they play together, and she fun and they play together, and she fun and they play together, and she identifies with that part of her life, identifies with that part of her life, identifies with that part of her life, very much being American. And she knows very much being American. And she knows very much being American. And she knows that the United States is where her that the United States is where her that the United States is where her family is. So, she has familial ties family is. So, she has familial ties family is. So, she has familial ties that she feels that we don't even have that she feels that we don't even have that she feels that we don't even have to tell her about that exist in the US.

to tell her about that exist in the US. to tell her about that exist in the US. >> She highly identifies as Portuguese and >> She highly identifies as Portuguese and >> She highly identifies as Portuguese and as American because when we moved here, as American because when we moved here, as American because when we moved here, she was 9 months old. And so, it's all she was 9 months old. And so, it's all she was 9 months old. And so, it's all she ever remembers and knows, even she ever remembers and knows, even she ever remembers and knows, even though she was born in the US. So, like though she was born in the US. So, like though she was born in the US. So, like Josh is saying, like at heart, she is Josh is saying, like at heart, she is Josh is saying, like at heart, she is American, but all she's grown up has American, but all she's grown up has American, but all she's grown up has been Portuguese. So, it will be been Portuguese. So, it will be been Portuguese. So, it will be interesting to see what she does in the interesting to see what she does in the interesting to see what she does in the future cuz like Josh said, when we were future cuz like Josh said, when we were future cuz like Josh said, when we were uh international school teachers, we uh international school teachers, we uh international school teachers, we would see in within the same family would see in within the same family would see in within the same family unit, there'd be one kid who wanted to unit, there'd be one kid who wanted to unit, there'd be one kid who wanted to continue to explore the world and move continue to explore the world and move continue to explore the world and move to different parts of the of the world, to different parts of the of the world, to different parts of the of the world, and then there'd be another kid who, and then there'd be another kid who, and then there'd be another kid who, because they were American and even because they were American and even because they were American and even though they left when they were younger, though they left when they were younger, though they left when they were younger, they really want to go back to the US. they really want to go back to the US. they really want to go back to the US. And so, as parents, I do feel like we And so, as parents, I do feel like we And so, as parents, I do feel like we want the best for our kids, and want the best for our kids, and want the best for our kids, and sometimes we think moving abroad is a sometimes we think moving abroad is a sometimes we think moving abroad is a great cultural experience, it opens up great cultural experience, it opens up great cultural experience, it opens up their mind, like all the experiences their mind, like all the experiences their mind, like all the experiences they get are amazing. they get are amazing. they get are amazing. We get to spend more time with them We get to spend more time with them We get to spend more time with them because it's not this uh crazy rat race because it's not this uh crazy rat race because it's not this uh crazy rat race in that the US can can have, and the in that the US can can have, and the in that the US can can have, and the work-life balance is better. But then, work-life balance is better. But then, work-life balance is better. But then, at the end of day, sometimes they just at the end of day, sometimes they just at the end of day, sometimes they just don't adapt or they don't like it, and don't adapt or they don't like it, and don't adapt or they don't like it, and it could be because they haven't found it could be because they haven't found it could be because they haven't found their community, they haven't connected their community, they haven't connected their community, they haven't connected with anyone their age. Sometimes when with anyone their age. Sometimes when with anyone their age. Sometimes when they're older, it's a little harder as they're older, it's a little harder as they're older, it's a little harder as well, depending on school. Sometimes well, depending on school. Sometimes well, depending on school. Sometimes it's the language, sometimes it is the it's the language, sometimes it is the it's the language, sometimes it is the culture. And so, those are things that culture. And so, those are things that culture. And so, those are things that as parents, you can't predict. So, we're as parents, you can't predict. So, we're as parents, you can't predict. So, we're trying to do the best for our kids, but trying to do the best for our kids, but trying to do the best for our kids, but you never really know what is the best you never really know what is the best you never really know what is the best until you start to see it come out of until you start to see it come out of until you start to see it come out of them. And that might be being in the US them. And that might be being in the US them. And that might be being in the US and going back to the US. So, as and going back to the US. So, as and going back to the US. So, as parents, what do we do? You go back to parents, what do we do? You go back to parents, what do we do? You go back to the US for a couple years as you need to the US for a couple years as you need to the US for a couple years as you need to do what's best for your kids, and then do what's best for your kids, and then do what's best for your kids, and then you adapt and you see, okay, what's you adapt and you see, okay, what's you adapt and you see, okay, what's next? What now?

next? What now? next? What now? >> And what are we going to do in the >> And what are we going to do in the >> And what are we going to do in the future? Well, we don't really know. future? Well, we don't really know. future? Well, we don't really know. Like, we literally take one day uh maybe Like, we literally take one day uh maybe Like, we literally take one day uh maybe not a day-by-day, but we take like not a day-by-day, but we take like not a day-by-day, but we take like year-by-year, and we do reassess and year-by-year, and we do reassess and year-by-year, and we do reassess and reevaluate like how we're doing as a reevaluate like how we're doing as a reevaluate like how we're doing as a family, cuz we want to make sure that we family, cuz we want to make sure that we family, cuz we want to make sure that we look after each individual, uh but then look after each individual, uh but then look after each individual, uh but then the family as a whole. And right now, the family as a whole. And right now, the family as a whole. And right now, we're we're super happy living in we're we're super happy living in we're we're super happy living in Portugal, and we love it being Americans Portugal, and we love it being Americans Portugal, and we love it being Americans living here. We feel fine. Does that living here. We feel fine. Does that living here. We feel fine. Does that mean it's always going to be this way? mean it's always going to be this way? mean it's always going to be this way? No. Have we had frustrations along the No. Have we had frustrations along the No. Have we had frustrations along the way? Absolutely. And in future videos, way? Absolutely. And in future videos, way? Absolutely. And in future videos, we're going to talk about that, trust we're going to talk about that, trust we're going to talk about that, trust me. When we feel comfortable in the me. When we feel comfortable in the me. When we feel comfortable in the right position where we can talk about right position where we can talk about right position where we can talk about that, we're going to talk about that, that, we're going to talk about that, that, we're going to talk about that, because there are certain things that because there are certain things that because there are certain things that we've not necessarily been hiding, but we've not necessarily been hiding, but we've not necessarily been hiding, but it's like literally we can't we can't it's like literally we can't we can't it's like literally we can't we can't really talk about it, but that'll come. really talk about it, but that'll come. really talk about it, but that'll come. Uh so, if you're interested in content Uh so, if you're interested in content Uh so, if you're interested in content like that, we do ask that you would like that, we do ask that you would like that, we do ask that you would subscribe, and we hope that you enjoy subscribe, and we hope that you enjoy subscribe, and we hope that you enjoy this, and we'll see you in the next this, and we'll see you in the next this, and we'll see you in the next video. video. video. >> Bye. >> Bye. >> Bye. >> Now, let's get moving. >> Now, let's get moving. >> Now, let's get moving. Bye.