Christian, What Scares the World Doesn't Have to Scare You

Do you know what's the first time you Do you know what's the first time you can remember thinking, "Wow, I'm aging?" can remember thinking, "Wow, I'm aging?" can remember thinking, "Wow, I'm aging?" >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Starting to feel old. >> Starting to feel old. >> Starting to feel old. >> Uh that's a really good question. I >> Uh that's a really good question. I >> Uh that's a really good question. I think it was, you know, I got seriously think it was, you know, I got seriously think it was, you know, I got seriously on my 40th birthday it feels like. Uh I on my 40th birthday it feels like. Uh I on my 40th birthday it feels like. Uh I woke up and couldn't see anymore. And I woke up and couldn't see anymore. And I woke up and couldn't see anymore. And I will never forget my sister-in-law will never forget my sister-in-law will never forget my sister-in-law handing me her readers and saying, handing me her readers and saying, handing me her readers and saying, "Well, here, try this." We were at a "Well, here, try this." We were at a "Well, here, try this." We were at a restaurant. And I put them on and I restaurant. And I put them on and I restaurant. And I put them on and I thought I had experienced a medical thought I had experienced a medical thought I had experienced a medical miracle. You know, I just miracle. You know, I just miracle. You know, I just cuz I never have really worn glasses for cuz I never have really worn glasses for cuz I never have really worn glasses for anything. And uh I was like, "Oh my anything. And uh I was like, "Oh my anything. And uh I was like, "Oh my gosh, you just fixed that." You know, gosh, you just fixed that." You know, gosh, you just fixed that." You know, and she's like, "Yeah, hello." And so, and she's like, "Yeah, hello." And so, and she's like, "Yeah, hello." And so, that was one of the first things. And that was one of the first things. And that was one of the first things. And then there were things like, you know, then there were things like, you know, then there were things like, you know, you'll have a dental problem. Like I I I you'll have a dental problem. Like I I I you'll have a dental problem. Like I I I chipped a tooth. And then I started chipped a tooth. And then I started chipped a tooth. And then I started having dreams about all my teeth falling having dreams about all my teeth falling having dreams about all my teeth falling out, which is apparently really common out, which is apparently really common out, which is apparently really common when you start to recognize the aging when you start to recognize the aging when you start to recognize the aging process is is happening in your own process is is happening in your own process is is happening in your own body. And then, you know, as my 40s body. And then, you know, as my 40s body. And then, you know, as my 40s progressed, you had that thing happen progressed, you had that thing happen progressed, you had that thing happen where you would just wake up in the where you would just wake up in the where you would just wake up in the morning hurting and you don't know why.

morning hurting and you don't know why. morning hurting and you don't know why. Uh but, you know, other than that, I Uh but, you know, other than that, I Uh but, you know, other than that, I Jeff, my husband, he went gray in his Jeff, my husband, he went gray in his Jeff, my husband, he went gray in his 20s. He He jokingly, but also 20s. He He jokingly, but also 20s. He He jokingly, but also half-seriously says that he got his half-seriously says that he got his half-seriously says that he got his first gray hair when he was dating me at first gray hair when he was dating me at first gray hair when he was dating me at at 21. at 21. at 21. And he was all gray by the end of our And he was all gray by the end of our And he was all gray by the end of our 20s. And I am You see me before you 20s. And I am You see me before you 20s. And I am You see me before you right now, those of you who can see me. right now, those of you who can see me. right now, those of you who can see me. This is as much gray hair as I currently This is as much gray hair as I currently This is as much gray hair as I currently have. And so, have. And so, have. And so, I Yeah, it's like all I have it. It's I Yeah, it's like all I have it. It's I Yeah, it's like all I have it. It's just like around my temples and on And just like around my temples and on And just like around my temples and on And I've known you since you were blonde. I've known you since you were blonde. I've known you since you were blonde. >> And you know, and like my kids. >> And you know, and like my kids. >> And you know, and like my kids. >> Yeah, so I think being married to Jeff >> Yeah, so I think being married to Jeff >> Yeah, so I think being married to Jeff and see I mean, he had this really baby and see I mean, he had this really baby and see I mean, he had this really baby face and then this gray hair. And for face and then this gray hair. And for face and then this gray hair. And for him, it was so fascinating because the him, it was so fascinating because the him, it was so fascinating because the gray hair kind of helped him in his job. gray hair kind of helped him in his job. gray hair kind of helped him in his job. He was taken more seriously. He was taken more seriously. He was taken more seriously. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Uh but, I promise you any woman >> Uh but, I promise you any woman >> Uh but, I promise you any woman listening to this knows that is not the listening to this knows that is not the listening to this knows that is not the standard for us. standard for us. standard for us. >> I was just going to ask, how does aging >> I was just going to ask, how does aging >> I was just going to ask, how does aging feel different for men and women? feel different for men and women? feel different for men and women? >> I I that >> I I that >> I I that um in some ways it feels the same. You um in some ways it feels the same. You um in some ways it feels the same. You know, we experience the same aches. We know, we experience the same aches. We know, we experience the same aches. We realize our bodies don't move the way realize our bodies don't move the way realize our bodies don't move the way that they used to. But with regard to that they used to. But with regard to that they used to. But with regard to the aesthetics of aging, men win.

the aesthetics of aging, men win. the aesthetics of aging, men win. Everybody tends to think of men as Everybody tends to think of men as Everybody tends to think of men as improving with age in their improving with age in their improving with age in their attractiveness. And uh you have only to attractiveness. And uh you have only to attractiveness. And uh you have only to look so far as Hollywood to understand look so far as Hollywood to understand look so far as Hollywood to understand that the women know they're on borrowed that the women know they're on borrowed that the women know they're on borrowed time in terms of um how their beauty is time in terms of um how their beauty is time in terms of um how their beauty is perceived. And um in terms of uh whether perceived. And um in terms of uh whether perceived. And um in terms of uh whether they can even allow You know, it's they can even allow You know, it's they can even allow You know, it's interesting cuz now the internet, you interesting cuz now the internet, you interesting cuz now the internet, you can find someone's age out. It used to can find someone's age out. It used to can find someone's age out. It used to be you didn't know how old someone was. be you didn't know how old someone was. be you didn't know how old someone was. And and a lot of women were very happy And and a lot of women were very happy And and a lot of women were very happy to keep it that way. Like it was a big to keep it that way. Like it was a big to keep it that way. Like it was a big taboo to say, "Can I ask your age?" Um taboo to say, "Can I ask your age?" Um taboo to say, "Can I ask your age?" Um and to some degree it still is, but we and to some degree it still is, but we and to some degree it still is, but we all know we could go out and figure it all know we could go out and figure it all know we could go out and figure it out online if we wanted to. out online if we wanted to. out online if we wanted to. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And the old George Clooney effect there. And the old George Clooney effect there. And the old George Clooney effect there. Very very few women who can pull that Very very few women who can pull that Very very few women who can pull that off. And we can think of some like Meryl off. And we can think of some like Meryl off. And we can think of some like Meryl Streep or whatnot. But they've also Streep or whatnot. But they've also Streep or whatnot. But they've also never That's not necessarily been seen never That's not necessarily been seen never That's not necessarily been seen as sex symbols at a point in their as sex symbols at a point in their as sex symbols at a point in their careers. careers. careers. >> I don't know if you have seen Of course >> I don't know if you have seen Of course >> I don't know if you have seen Of course my feed, since I was doing research on my feed, since I was doing research on my feed, since I was doing research on this book, my feed is filled with before this book, my feed is filled with before this book, my feed is filled with before and afters of plastic surgeries.

and afters of plastic surgeries. and afters of plastic surgeries. Um and all of these different aesthetics Um and all of these different aesthetics Um and all of these different aesthetics treatments cuz of stuff that I looked up treatments cuz of stuff that I looked up treatments cuz of stuff that I looked up online. And and so it's like, "Wow, if I online. And and so it's like, "Wow, if I online. And and so it's like, "Wow, if I thought the internet was trying to thought the internet was trying to thought the internet was trying to convince me I could be ageless before." convince me I could be ageless before." convince me I could be ageless before." But it is funny. I shouldn't say funny. But it is funny. I shouldn't say funny. But it is funny. I shouldn't say funny. Uh Uh Uh but it is. It's funny to see some of the but it is. It's funny to see some of the but it is. It's funny to see some of the men in Hollywood. men in Hollywood. men in Hollywood. >> Um >> Um >> Um >> I don't know if you saw the Bradley >> I don't know if you saw the Bradley >> I don't know if you saw the Bradley Cooper thing recently. Cooper thing recently. Cooper thing recently. >> No, I did not see that. >> No, I did not see that. >> No, I did not see that. >> something weird to his face. And and >> something weird to his face. And and >> something weird to his face. And and it's like, "Dude, you could have just it's like, "Dude, you could have just it's like, "Dude, you could have just you know, you could have aged naturally you know, you could have aged naturally you know, you could have aged naturally and women would have thought you were and women would have thought you were and women would have thought you were getting more attractive for at least the getting more attractive for at least the getting more attractive for at least the next 10 or 15 years." next 10 or 15 years." next 10 or 15 years." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> So I think that the standards that women >> So I think that the standards that women >> So I think that the standards that women have been subjected to have been subjected to have been subjected to potentially will become more potentially will become more potentially will become more um difficult for men to escape if the um difficult for men to escape if the um difficult for men to escape if the insanity continues. insanity continues. insanity continues. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Uh why do we see aging as a burden we Uh why do we see aging as a burden we Uh why do we see aging as a burden we need to relieve others from carrying? need to relieve others from carrying? need to relieve others from carrying? >> Yeah, from a personal standpoint. >> Yeah, from a personal standpoint. >> Yeah, from a personal standpoint. Um Um Um I think because we I think because we I think because we I think even if we have some awareness I think even if we have some awareness I think even if we have some awareness that care for the elderly is very that care for the elderly is very that care for the elderly is very similar to care for um babies at the similar to care for um babies at the similar to care for um babies at the beginning of life. And I don't say that beginning of life. And I don't say that beginning of life. And I don't say that in a derogatory way. The elderly are in a derogatory way. The elderly are in a derogatory way. The elderly are full adults and all of that, but this is full adults and all of that, but this is full adults and all of that, but this is one of the comparisons that I make in one of the comparisons that I make in one of the comparisons that I make in the book.

the book. the book. Even though you know that in your old Even though you know that in your old Even though you know that in your old age someone might need to change a age someone might need to change a age someone might need to change a diaper for you, feed you soft foods, diaper for you, feed you soft foods, diaper for you, feed you soft foods, you'd probably take a nap in the you'd probably take a nap in the you'd probably take a nap in the afternoon. I mean, so many similarities afternoon. I mean, so many similarities afternoon. I mean, so many similarities between late age and and the earlier between late age and and the earlier between late age and and the earlier stages of life. stages of life. stages of life. The idea that your children would would The idea that your children would would The idea that your children would would have to care for you in a parenting have to care for you in a parenting have to care for you in a parenting capacity of some kind is it just feels capacity of some kind is it just feels capacity of some kind is it just feels completely off particularly I think in completely off particularly I think in completely off particularly I think in American culture where um we value American culture where um we value American culture where um we value self-sufficiency, a growth to self-sufficiency, a growth to self-sufficiency, a growth to independence, and we have we have independence, and we have we have independence, and we have we have somewhere along the way taken in the somewhere along the way taken in the somewhere along the way taken in the falsehood falsehood falsehood that we are supposed to grow to that we are supposed to grow to that we are supposed to grow to independence or autonomy, uh which of independence or autonomy, uh which of independence or autonomy, uh which of course we're never truly autonomous, but course we're never truly autonomous, but course we're never truly autonomous, but to the degree that we're able, and then to the degree that we're able, and then to the degree that we're able, and then we're supposed to never return to it. we're supposed to never return to it. we're supposed to never return to it. Or we have failed. Um and if we do Or we have failed. Um and if we do Or we have failed. Um and if we do return to it, then we don't want anyone return to it, then we don't want anyone return to it, then we don't want anyone else to have to deal with the else to have to deal with the else to have to deal with the implications of that because all of the implications of that because all of the implications of that because all of the same care that we rendered for babies, same care that we rendered for babies, same care that we rendered for babies, when you render it for someone at the when you render it for someone at the when you render it for someone at the end of life, the potentiality isn't end of life, the potentiality isn't end of life, the potentiality isn't there. There's no quote payback, so to there. There's no quote payback, so to there. There's no quote payback, so to speak, for for the labor, at least not speak, for for the labor, at least not speak, for for the labor, at least not not in terms of that person is is going not in terms of that person is is going not in terms of that person is is going to die. You know, they're not going to to die. You know, they're not going to to die. You know, they're not going to get better.

get better. get better. Um and so I do think that when we think Um and so I do think that when we think Um and so I do think that when we think about asking adult children or some about asking adult children or some about asking adult children or some other family member to provide that care other family member to provide that care other family member to provide that care to us. It feels like we are actually to us. It feels like we are actually to us. It feels like we are actually robbing them of something. robbing them of something. robbing them of something. We perceive no mutual benefit We perceive no mutual benefit We perceive no mutual benefit um from that. And you can see this in um from that. And you can see this in um from that. And you can see this in the statistics on medically assisted um the statistics on medically assisted um the statistics on medically assisted um end-of-life in Canada. Um the I think end-of-life in Canada. Um the I think end-of-life in Canada. Um the I think it's 30% of those who who request to be it's 30% of those who who request to be it's 30% of those who who request to be a part of MAID, m a i d, do so because a part of MAID, m a i d, do so because a part of MAID, m a i d, do so because of a belief that they're a burden. of a belief that they're a burden. of a belief that they're a burden. >> So, let's just jump into that right >> So, let's just jump into that right >> So, let's just jump into that right there because it's a perfect segue. I there because it's a perfect segue. I there because it's a perfect segue. I wrote my newsletter uh recently about wrote my newsletter uh recently about wrote my newsletter uh recently about this phenomenon related to the defeat of this phenomenon related to the defeat of this phenomenon related to the defeat of assisted suicide in Scotland and then assisted suicide in Scotland and then assisted suicide in Scotland and then the House of Lords in the UK. the House of Lords in the UK. the House of Lords in the UK. And I was asking somebody involved in And I was asking somebody involved in And I was asking somebody involved in that in that fight because it's already that in that fight because it's already that in that fight because it's already legal in 13 US states and Washington legal in 13 US states and Washington legal in 13 US states and Washington D.C. It's also a a major cause of death D.C. It's also a a major cause of death D.C. It's also a a major cause of death in Canada right now. in Canada right now. in Canada right now. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> And I remember asking, what was it that >> And I remember asking, what was it that >> And I remember asking, what was it that was decisive in the defeat, unexpected was decisive in the defeat, unexpected was decisive in the defeat, unexpected defeat in the House of Lords, but then defeat in the House of Lords, but then defeat in the House of Lords, but then also especially in the Scottish also especially in the Scottish also especially in the Scottish Parliament.

Parliament. Parliament. And I said, is it the people with And I said, is it the people with And I said, is it the people with disabilities that were protesting? Was disabilities that were protesting? Was disabilities that were protesting? Was it Uh and he said, no, people don't it Uh and he said, no, people don't it Uh and he said, no, people don't really care about that. really care about that. really care about that. He said, the feminists turned against He said, the feminists turned against He said, the feminists turned against it. it. it. And he said, they put two and two And he said, they put two and two And he said, they put two and two together realizing that it is a woman's together realizing that it is a woman's together realizing that it is a woman's responsibility and burden to care for responsibility and burden to care for responsibility and burden to care for others her entire life. others her entire life. others her entire life. And they realized that once she once And they realized that once she once And they realized that once she once they became burdens to their families, they became burdens to their families, they became burdens to their families, especially to the men in their families, especially to the men in their families, especially to the men in their families, >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> the men would >> the men would >> the men would pressure them into relieving them of the pressure them into relieving them of the pressure them into relieving them of the burden of having to care for them. burden of having to care for them. burden of having to care for them. And that's how they saw it. Is that And that's how they saw it. Is that And that's how they saw it. Is that surprising to you at all? surprising to you at all? surprising to you at all? >> No. No, I actually Well, I mean, I think >> No. No, I actually Well, I mean, I think >> No. No, I actually Well, I mean, I think it's interesting that um feminists have it's interesting that um feminists have it's interesting that um feminists have have started to be able to connect the have started to be able to connect the have started to be able to connect the dots on some of the things that are sort dots on some of the things that are sort dots on some of the things that are sort of like baseline imago dei issues in in of like baseline imago dei issues in in of like baseline imago dei issues in in the church. Um I actually find it very the church. Um I actually find it very the church. Um I actually find it very encouraging because I would love for encouraging because I would love for encouraging because I would love for there to be within the church a there to be within the church a there to be within the church a pro-woman outlook pro-woman outlook pro-woman outlook um that doesn't have to be labeled um that doesn't have to be labeled um that doesn't have to be labeled feminist um feminist um feminist um with all of the negative connotations with all of the negative connotations with all of the negative connotations that third-wave feminism brings with it.

that third-wave feminism brings with it. that third-wave feminism brings with it. We've seen the feminists sort of like We've seen the feminists sort of like We've seen the feminists sort of like shake out of their stupor around shake out of their stupor around shake out of their stupor around transgender issues. And um transgender issues. And um transgender issues. And um a lot of the transgender conversation a lot of the transgender conversation a lot of the transgender conversation um runs parallel to um runs parallel to um runs parallel to our anti-aging mindset in the culture. our anti-aging mindset in the culture. our anti-aging mindset in the culture. And so it it doesn't completely surprise And so it it doesn't completely surprise And so it it doesn't completely surprise me me me um um um but it it is gratifying to find strange but it it is gratifying to find strange but it it is gratifying to find strange allies, I guess I would say. allies, I guess I would say. allies, I guess I would say. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah, I I don't think before your book I Yeah, I I don't think before your book I Yeah, I I don't think before your book I could have quite understood it exactly could have quite understood it exactly could have quite understood it exactly that way. Um but when it comes from the that way. Um but when it comes from the that way. Um but when it comes from the mentality of I don't want somebody to be mentality of I don't want somebody to be mentality of I don't want somebody to be a I don't want to feel like a burden and a I don't want to feel like a burden and a I don't want to feel like a burden and then others will treat you like a burden then others will treat you like a burden then others will treat you like a burden including your own sons or your own including your own sons or your own including your own sons or your own husband or husband or husband or >> Well, and I think one of the reasons >> Well, and I think one of the reasons >> Well, and I think one of the reasons that um the feminists woke up before that um the feminists woke up before that um the feminists woke up before somebody else did is because and I've somebody else did is because and I've somebody else did is because and I've talked about this a ton. I don't get talked about this a ton. I don't get talked about this a ton. I don't get into it a lot in the book but about um into it a lot in the book but about um into it a lot in the book but about um it's the adult experience of women not it's the adult experience of women not it's the adult experience of women not to outgrow to outgrow to outgrow um interdependence, like to not outgrow um interdependence, like to not outgrow um interdependence, like to not outgrow our vulnerability our vulnerability our vulnerability um physically speaking. It is the um physically speaking. It is the um physically speaking. It is the purview of men to outgrow vulnerability.

purview of men to outgrow vulnerability. purview of men to outgrow vulnerability. And so it's interesting too because it And so it's interesting too because it And so it's interesting too because it was a feminist who I heard observe and was a feminist who I heard observe and was a feminist who I heard observe and during a podcast that I was listening to during a podcast that I was listening to during a podcast that I was listening to um observe that um um observe that um um observe that um the only way that an adult male the only way that an adult male the only way that an adult male rediscovers that he is not in fact rediscovers that he is not in fact rediscovers that he is not in fact autonomous is if he lives long enough to autonomous is if he lives long enough to autonomous is if he lives long enough to age out of autonomy. age out of autonomy. age out of autonomy. Uh but it's the reality of women our Uh but it's the reality of women our Uh but it's the reality of women our entire lives. We walk down a dark alley entire lives. We walk down a dark alley entire lives. We walk down a dark alley with a different mindset than a with a different mindset than a with a different mindset than a full-grown man does. And so um anytime full-grown man does. And so um anytime full-grown man does. And so um anytime you have an intuitive understanding of you have an intuitive understanding of you have an intuitive understanding of vulnerability and that's not a ding vulnerability and that's not a ding vulnerability and that's not a ding against men. I actually think there's a against men. I actually think there's a against men. I actually think there's a reason. I mean that's that's pre-fall reason. I mean that's that's pre-fall reason. I mean that's that's pre-fall design that men um grow to relative design that men um grow to relative design that men um grow to relative autonomy in a way that women don't. But, autonomy in a way that women don't. But, autonomy in a way that women don't. But, I do think it means that it's not I do think it means that it's not I do think it means that it's not surprising to find that, uh, adults who surprising to find that, uh, adults who surprising to find that, uh, adults who don't are the first to start to don't are the first to start to don't are the first to start to recognize the analogs. And, you know, recognize the analogs. And, you know, recognize the analogs. And, you know, even since finishing the manuscript, um, even since finishing the manuscript, um, even since finishing the manuscript, um, increasing, I think I I mentioned it in increasing, I think I I mentioned it in increasing, I think I I mentioned it in passing in the book, but anyone who has passing in the book, but anyone who has passing in the book, but anyone who has walked through the thought processes walked through the thought processes walked through the thought processes around how do we dignify those with around how do we dignify those with around how do we dignify those with special needs, um, whether children or special needs, um, whether children or special needs, um, whether children or adults, um, can make a pretty quick adults, um, can make a pretty quick adults, um, can make a pretty quick connection to the fact that aging that connection to the fact that aging that connection to the fact that aging that goes into extremity goes into extremity goes into extremity is is essentially similar. Um, that that is is essentially similar. Um, that that is is essentially similar. Um, that that vulnerability that you that you vulnerability that you that you vulnerability that you that you experience, it can be cognitive as well experience, it can be cognitive as well experience, it can be cognitive as well as physical. And so, if we don't get it as physical. And so, if we don't get it as physical. And so, if we don't get it right, um, with senior adults, right, um, with senior adults, right, um, with senior adults, those of us who call ourselves whole those of us who call ourselves whole those of us who call ourselves whole life, pro-life supporters, um, are

life, pro-life supporters, um, are life, pro-life supporters, um, are really only giving lip service to that really only giving lip service to that really only giving lip service to that because, um, in particular with the way because, um, in particular with the way because, um, in particular with the way statistics are looking with the statistics are looking with the statistics are looking with the population, um, we're going to have to population, um, we're going to have to population, um, we're going to have to figure out what it means to say, figure out what it means to say, figure out what it means to say, "Actually, we're built to burden one "Actually, we're built to burden one "Actually, we're built to burden one another." another." another." Um, although I would argue it it's not a Um, although I would argue it it's not a Um, although I would argue it it's not a it's not a burden, strictly speaking. it's not a burden, strictly speaking. it's not a burden, strictly speaking. It's a heavy thing to carry, but it's It's a heavy thing to carry, but it's It's a heavy thing to carry, but it's what we're built for.