Big Little Lives: Practical Help for Parenting in the Early Years [TGC Podcast Ep. 385]

welcome to Big Little Lives practical welcome to Big Little Lives practical help for parenting in the early years help for parenting in the early years help for parenting in the early years we're so happy you're here we're happy we're so happy you're here we're happy we're so happy you're here we're happy you're here in Indianapolis we're happy you're here in Indianapolis we're happy you're here in Indianapolis we're happy you're here at this panel and I'm hoping you're here at this panel and I'm hoping you're here at this panel and I'm hoping that we'll get some really practical that we'll get some really practical that we'll get some really practical ideas uh my children are younger than ideas uh my children are younger than ideas uh my children are younger than the other panelists so it just feels the other panelists so it just feels the other panelists so it just feels like an opportunity to ask them all my like an opportunity to ask them all my like an opportunity to ask them all my questions uh let me introduce them and questions uh let me introduce them and questions uh let me introduce them and then we will get right down to practical then we will get right down to practical then we will get right down to practical ideas so uh Emily Jensen ideas so uh Emily Jensen ideas so uh Emily Jensen has five has five has five children they range in age from 6 to 11 children they range in age from 6 to 11 children they range in age from 6 to 11 and she co-founded with Laura risen and she co-founded with Laura risen and she co-founded with Laura risen motherhood they also motherhood they also motherhood they also uh I'll I'll your intros are going to uh I'll I'll your intros are going to uh I'll I'll your intros are going to overlap because you've done so much overlap because you've done so much overlap because you've done so much together but um Emily has written he is together but um Emily has written he is together but um Emily has written he is strong a devotional book and also is strong a devotional book and also is strong a devotional book and also is co-author with Laura of a new book co-author with Laura of a new book co-author with Laura of a new book called gospel mom which will be out in called gospel mom which will be out in called gospel mom which will be out in October I'll do Laura next Laura and October I'll do Laura next Laura and October I'll do Laura next Laura and Emily are sister-in-laws sisters-in-law Emily are sister-in-laws sisters-in-law Emily are sister-in-laws sisters-in-law Laura has three kids ages 6 to 11 Laura has three kids ages 6 to 11 Laura has three kids ages 6 to 11 co-founder of risen motherhood and co-founder of risen motherhood and co-founder of risen motherhood and founder of kid lit lab if you're founder of kid lit lab if you're founder of kid lit lab if you're interested in writing children's books interested in writing children's books interested in writing children's books you should check it out she's also the you should check it out she's also the you should check it out she's also the author of any time any place any prayer author of any time any place any prayer author of any time any place any prayer which is a book for children and which is a book for children and which is a book for children and co-author of gospel mom and then ginger co-author of gospel mom and then ginger co-author of gospel mom and then ginger has five kids ages 9 to 18 she has five kids ages 9 to 18 she has five kids ages 9 to 18 she homeschools them and she is the author homeschools them and she is the author homeschools them and she is the author of one of our TGC kids books Charlie and of one of our TGC kids books Charlie and of one of our TGC kids books Charlie and the preschool prodigal it's in the the preschool prodigal it's in the the preschool prodigal it's in the bookstore you should get it um my name

bookstore you should get it um my name bookstore you should get it um my name is Betsy child's is Betsy child's is Betsy child's Howard and I have two little boys ages 2 Howard and I have two little boys ages 2 Howard and I have two little boys ages 2 and four and I'm an editor at the Gospel and four and I'm an editor at the Gospel and four and I'm an editor at the Gospel Coalition and I've written several Coalition and I've written several Coalition and I've written several children's books including Arlo And The children's books including Arlo And The children's books including Arlo And The Great Big coverup and another Arlo book Great Big coverup and another Arlo book Great Big coverup and another Arlo book which will be out in September called which will be out in September called which will be out in September called Arlo And The keep out Arlo And The keep out Arlo And The keep out club so we are going to gear this club so we are going to gear this club so we are going to gear this conversation towards thinking about conversation towards thinking about conversation towards thinking about children six and under pretty much um children six and under pretty much um children six and under pretty much um there are some of them in the audience there are some of them in the audience there are some of them in the audience it's great to see the babies out there it's great to see the babies out there it's great to see the babies out there and I know you've left a lot at and I know you've left a lot at and I know you've left a lot at home but let's Dive Right In um to home but let's Dive Right In um to home but let's Dive Right In um to talking about what does screen time look talking about what does screen time look talking about what does screen time look like in your family before your kids are like in your family before your kids are like in your family before your kids are six when they're really little Emily six when they're really little Emily six when they're really little Emily what does it look like for you yeah well what does it look like for you yeah well what does it look like for you yeah well we had our fifth child um the day after we had our fifth child um the day after we had our fifth child um the day after our oldest turned six and so we had five our oldest turned six and so we had five our oldest turned six and so we had five kids six and under so I was always kind kids six and under so I was always kind kids six and under so I was always kind of a pro screen time Mom of a pro screen time Mom of a pro screen time Mom I felt like in those years when they I felt like in those years when they I felt like in those years when they were all really young and they needed a were all really young and they needed a were all really young and they needed a lot of help with everything I did lot of help with everything I did lot of help with everything I did utilize screen time as one tool in my utilize screen time as one tool in my utilize screen time as one tool in my tool belt among many so that I could get tool belt among many so that I could get tool belt among many so that I could get things done you know whether it's things done you know whether it's things done you know whether it's feeding a baby or reading to someone or feeding a baby or reading to someone or feeding a baby or reading to someone or you know I get everybody in the van you know I get everybody in the van you know I get everybody in the van sometimes and get them like strapped in sometimes and get them like strapped in sometimes and get them like strapped in and then like turn on a little DVD and and then like turn on a little DVD and and then like turn on a little DVD and then run back into the house and like then run back into the house and like then run back into the house and like clean the whole house up and get all the clean the whole house up and get all the clean the whole house up and get all the bags packed and everything so I did that bags packed and everything so I did that bags packed and everything so I did that a few times times um but you know I was a few times times um but you know I was a few times times um but you know I was reflecting on this answer and thinking

reflecting on this answer and thinking reflecting on this answer and thinking you know when we had kids under six that you know when we had kids under six that you know when we had kids under six that was like a long time ago now it feels was like a long time ago now it feels was like a long time ago now it feels like and that was before we even had like and that was before we even had like and that was before we even had like Netflix or we were watching stuff like Netflix or we were watching stuff like Netflix or we were watching stuff like that so I rented a lot of DVDs from like that so I rented a lot of DVDs from like that so I rented a lot of DVDs from the library which sounds very archaic the library which sounds very archaic the library which sounds very archaic and not helpful so I thought that I and not helpful so I thought that I and not helpful so I thought that I would just share a few of the principles would just share a few of the principles would just share a few of the principles that we used to think through screen that we used to think through screen that we used to think through screen time in those years because something I time in those years because something I time in those years because something I realized is that not all screen time is realized is that not all screen time is realized is that not all screen time is created equal um I think there's a big created equal um I think there's a big created equal um I think there's a big difference between a family sitting difference between a family sitting difference between a family sitting together and watching Bluey and a kiddo together and watching Bluey and a kiddo together and watching Bluey and a kiddo that is on an iPad alone in their room that is on an iPad alone in their room that is on an iPad alone in their room like those are two different experiences like those are two different experiences like those are two different experiences of screen time that are creating two of screen time that are creating two of screen time that are creating two different types of habits and so I different types of habits and so I different types of habits and so I really tried to Think Through um time so really tried to Think Through um time so really tried to Think Through um time so how long are they spinning on screens I how long are they spinning on screens I how long are they spinning on screens I think that's something that is easy to think that's something that is easy to think that's something that is easy to get caught up in and feel guilty about get caught up in and feel guilty about get caught up in and feel guilty about but but I think find a benchmark in your but but I think find a benchmark in your but but I think find a benchmark in your mind that you and your husband are mind that you and your husband are mind that you and your husband are comfortable with and it's like hey it's comfortable with and it's like hey it's comfortable with and it's like hey it's about this much time each day knowing about this much time each day knowing about this much time each day knowing that there's going to be some days where that there's going to be some days where that there's going to be some days where like everybody's sick and it's more than like everybody's sick and it's more than like everybody's sick and it's more than that and there's going to be other days that and there's going to be other days that and there's going to be other days where you're out at the park all day and where you're out at the park all day and where you're out at the park all day and you're off doing other things and you're off doing other things and you're off doing other things and they're not having screen time on those they're not having screen time on those they're not having screen time on those days and that's okay um another thing days and that's okay um another thing days and that's okay um another thing would be content so what are they would be content so what are they would be content so what are they watching and I think that that's a lot watching and I think that that's a lot watching and I think that that's a lot more challenging in 2024 than it was more challenging in 2024 than it was more challenging in 2024 than it was when our kids were young and so I really when our kids were young and so I really when our kids were young and so I really feel like it's a tough environment out feel like it's a tough environment out feel like it's a tough environment out there especially if your child gets

there especially if your child gets there especially if your child gets control of the remote and they're on a a control of the remote and they're on a a control of the remote and they're on a a streaming service and they're starting streaming service and they're starting streaming service and they're starting to click through things so I do feel to click through things so I do feel to click through things so I do feel like it's something to be really aware like it's something to be really aware like it's something to be really aware of um and then type of device is really of um and then type of device is really of um and then type of device is really important so again is maybe TV is okay important so again is maybe TV is okay important so again is maybe TV is okay but you feel like hey iPad is something but you feel like hey iPad is something but you feel like hey iPad is something we don't want to get into yet or video we don't want to get into yet or video we don't want to get into yet or video games you know where do you stand on games you know where do you stand on games you know where do you stand on type of device um I think under six we type of device um I think under six we type of device um I think under six we felt like there was a lot of success felt like there was a lot of success felt like there was a lot of success with just saying it's the TV in the main with just saying it's the TV in the main with just saying it's the TV in the main area where everyone can see it um I area where everyone can see it um I area where everyone can see it um I could not manage devices for a bunch of could not manage devices for a bunch of could not manage devices for a bunch of kids under six I was like I just can't kids under six I was like I just can't kids under six I was like I just can't well I was wondering with you and the well I was wondering with you and the well I was wondering with you and the others did you do any games at that that others did you do any games at that that others did you do any games at that that really early level did they do they they really early level did they do they they really early level did they do they they did not play any no I mean if we were on did not play any no I mean if we were on did not play any no I mean if we were on vacation or something or if they went vacation or something or if they went vacation or something or if they went over to Grandma's house there was a few over to Grandma's house there was a few over to Grandma's house there was a few things but we have held off on video things but we have held off on video things but we have held off on video games as long as we can so it's kind of games as long as we can so it's kind of games as long as we can so it's kind of a special thing and then the last thing a special thing and then the last thing a special thing and then the last thing I was going to say is focusing on good I was going to say is focusing on good I was going to say is focusing on good screen time Habits Like developing those screen time Habits Like developing those screen time Habits Like developing those good practices for kids of like this is good practices for kids of like this is good practices for kids of like this is part of our day we turn it off we walk part of our day we turn it off we walk part of our day we turn it off we walk away we love playing outside we love away we love playing outside we love away we love playing outside we love reading books we love doing all these reading books we love doing all these reading books we love doing all these other things we try not to take screens other things we try not to take screens other things we try not to take screens alone in a room you know developing alone in a room you know developing alone in a room you know developing those habits early on so those are kind those habits early on so those are kind those habits early on so those are kind of the principles that helped us yeah is of the principles that helped us yeah is of the principles that helped us yeah is that what does it look like for you that what does it look like for you that what does it look like for you Laura with small children yeah I think Laura with small children yeah I think Laura with small children yeah I think you know our kids they did probably play you know our kids they did probably play you know our kids they did probably play some iPad games just to give a a some iPad games just to give a a some iPad games just to give a a different look at it um but it was very different look at it um but it was very different look at it um but it was very much monitored it was in the the

much monitored it was in the the much monitored it was in the the community room and lock down your community room and lock down your community room and lock down your devices like that's the best thing best devices like that's the best thing best devices like that's the best thing best advice I can give you is don't hand a advice I can give you is don't hand a advice I can give you is don't hand a kid your phone or an iPad with an all kid your phone or an iPad with an all kid your phone or an iPad with an all access pass there are tons of resources access pass there are tons of resources access pass there are tons of resources out there to know how to lock them down out there to know how to lock them down out there to know how to lock them down so that they're very secure um but even so that they're very secure um but even so that they're very secure um but even I guess this want to apply for under six I guess this want to apply for under six I guess this want to apply for under six but we just recently got my son a Kindle but we just recently got my son a Kindle but we just recently got my son a Kindle because we're like we don't want him because we're like we don't want him because we're like we don't want him reading eBooks on the the iPad so even reading eBooks on the the iPad so even reading eBooks on the the iPad so even there are some other devices out there there are some other devices out there there are some other devices out there if you're like hey I have a reader if you're like hey I have a reader if you're like hey I have a reader already that you can look for but um I already that you can look for but um I already that you can look for but um I would say Tech time was very similar and would say Tech time was very similar and would say Tech time was very similar and a big thing for my kids is just a big thing for my kids is just a big thing for my kids is just reminding them that this is a privilege reminding them that this is a privilege reminding them that this is a privilege and it's not a right and we are not and it's not a right and we are not and it's not a right and we are not going to watch TV every day and that was going to watch TV every day and that was going to watch TV every day and that was I think for my kids you know it was kind I think for my kids you know it was kind I think for my kids you know it was kind of like 3:30 it's TV time and it's of like 3:30 it's TV time and it's of like 3:30 it's TV time and it's that's great but also I wanted them to that's great but also I wanted them to that's great but also I wanted them to love being outside and to know that love being outside and to know that love being outside and to know that sometimes like we just weren't going to sometimes like we just weren't going to sometimes like we just weren't going to fit it in for some reason we just can't fit it in for some reason we just can't fit it in for some reason we just can't and so part of the rule with watching TV and so part of the rule with watching TV and so part of the rule with watching TV was that they didn't complain when it was that they didn't complain when it was that they didn't complain when it was turned off and they didn't complain was turned off and they didn't complain was turned off and they didn't complain if they didn't receive it and so setting if they didn't receive it and so setting if they didn't receive it and so setting those expectations though ahead of time those expectations though ahead of time those expectations though ahead of time I think really helped for those days I think really helped for those days I think really helped for those days where like we we were just genuinely where like we we were just genuinely where like we we were just genuinely were too busy or maybe they were playing were too busy or maybe they were playing were too busy or maybe they were playing really well I'm not going to be like really well I'm not going to be like really well I'm not going to be like let's on the TV whenever they're playing let's on the TV whenever they're playing let's on the TV whenever they're playing awesome you know you want to let that awesome you know you want to let that awesome you know you want to let that continue um and then just being really continue um and then just being really continue um and then just being really strategic about that time and so I strategic about that time and so I strategic about that time and so I always ask like what is it that I need always ask like what is it that I need always ask like what is it that I need to get done while use utilizing this to get done while use utilizing this to get done while use utilizing this Tech time um and maybe for me that would Tech time um and maybe for me that would Tech time um and maybe for me that would be would have been writing or doing be would have been writing or doing be would have been writing or doing doing other kind of computer work that's doing other kind of computer work that's doing other kind of computer work that's pretty hard to do with kiddos underfoot pretty hard to do with kiddos underfoot pretty hard to do with kiddos underfoot so just as a mom realizing that this is so just as a mom realizing that this is so just as a mom realizing that this is like I like what Emily said a tool in

like I like what Emily said a tool in like I like what Emily said a tool in your tool belt to be strategic with and your tool belt to be strategic with and your tool belt to be strategic with and to not for me I think there are days to not for me I think there are days to not for me I think there are days where you're like hey I got to go veg where you're like hey I got to go veg where you're like hey I got to go veg too you know I need a nap I'm G to let too you know I need a nap I'm G to let too you know I need a nap I'm G to let you watch TV that is fine um but also you watch TV that is fine um but also you watch TV that is fine um but also consistently more thinking of it as how consistently more thinking of it as how consistently more thinking of it as how do I use it strategically as well to get do I use it strategically as well to get do I use it strategically as well to get the work I need to get done too and if the work I need to get done too and if the work I need to get done too and if you're not letting to complain when you you're not letting to complain when you you're not letting to complain when you turn it off so is that like they would turn it off so is that like they would turn it off so is that like they would then lose the privilege the next day cuz then lose the privilege the next day cuz then lose the privilege the next day cuz that is a real problem CU they've that is a real problem CU they've that is a real problem CU they've already had it and then the world just already had it and then the world just already had it and then the world just falls apart because I turned it off yes falls apart because I turned it off yes falls apart because I turned it off yes yeah I mean they would just lose the yeah I mean they would just lose the yeah I mean they would just lose the privilege for the next day that's privilege for the next day that's privilege for the next day that's exactly right and I mean very quickly exactly right and I mean very quickly exactly right and I mean very quickly they learn that you know Betsy I was they learn that you know Betsy I was they learn that you know Betsy I was going to give this tip really quick I going to give this tip really quick I going to give this tip really quick I heard that if you give your kids a timer heard that if you give your kids a timer heard that if you give your kids a timer and you say you have 45 minutes but if and you say you have 45 minutes but if and you say you have 45 minutes but if you turn it off on your own 5 minutes you turn it off on your own 5 minutes you turn it off on your own 5 minutes before the timer up I will add five before the timer up I will add five before the timer up I will add five minutes the next day I never figured out minutes the next day I never figured out minutes the next day I never figured out how that transferred like 10 days into how that transferred like 10 days into how that transferred like 10 days into the future but it was a good like thing the future but it was a good like thing the future but it was a good like thing for them to learn that like I can for them to learn that like I can for them to learn that like I can actually initiate to Mom and say okay actually initiate to Mom and say okay actually initiate to Mom and say okay we're done with screen we're done with screen we're done with screen time Ginger anything to add um I time Ginger anything to add um I time Ginger anything to add um I definitely agree with having um some definitely agree with having um some definitely agree with having um some principles of what you're thinking of so principles of what you're thinking of so principles of what you're thinking of so far our family it was community and um far our family it was community and um far our family it was community and um um that it was a that it was a privilege um that it was a that it was a privilege um that it was a that it was a privilege so we did have one video game that was so we did have one video game that was so we did have one video game that was only on my phone so they they didn't only on my phone so they they didn't only on my phone so they they didn't have their own devices so when we went have their own devices so when we went have their own devices so when we went out somewhere we didn't live people we out somewhere we didn't live people we out somewhere we didn't live people we knew we would bring the kids and we knew we would bring the kids and we knew we would bring the kids and we would say you can play I think it was would say you can play I think it was would say you can play I think it was Angry Birds on my phone and they were so Angry Birds on my phone and they were so Angry Birds on my phone and they were so excited um and they could just sit here

excited um and they could just sit here excited um and they could just sit here for a few minutes while I tried on a for a few minutes while I tried on a for a few minutes while I tried on a dress or whatever or my husband tried on dress or whatever or my husband tried on dress or whatever or my husband tried on a suit and um so but it was kind of a a suit and um so but it was kind of a a suit and um so but it was kind of a special thing at that special thing at that special thing at that time let's talk about chores and time let's talk about chores and time let's talk about chores and responsibility Ginger tell me what that responsibility Ginger tell me what that responsibility Ginger tell me what that looks like at your house and and how you looks like at your house and and how you looks like at your house and and how you think about that in terms of your kids think about that in terms of your kids think about that in terms of your kids ages ages ages um yeah so my youngest is nine so we are um yeah so my youngest is nine so we are um yeah so my youngest is nine so we are far enough out of the little years that far enough out of the little years that far enough out of the little years that they kind of have that happy Golden Glow they kind of have that happy Golden Glow they kind of have that happy Golden Glow and I remember in that which is such a and I remember in that which is such a and I remember in that which is such a gift it's so wonderful um but I remember gift it's so wonderful um but I remember gift it's so wonderful um but I remember being in the little years and thinking being in the little years and thinking being in the little years and thinking boy when you are one minute out of this boy when you are one minute out of this boy when you are one minute out of this you don't remember what it's like so you don't remember what it's like so you don't remember what it's like so keeping that in mind so taking this with keeping that in mind so taking this with keeping that in mind so taking this with a grain of salt um we do chores in our a grain of salt um we do chores in our a grain of salt um we do chores in our house all the time but my kids are older house all the time but my kids are older house all the time but my kids are older um we have sort of two ways we approach um we have sort of two ways we approach um we have sort of two ways we approach it the premise and the practice the it the premise and the practice the it the premise and the practice the premise is kind of the reason why behind premise is kind of the reason why behind premise is kind of the reason why behind matures which doesn't sound practical matures which doesn't sound practical matures which doesn't sound practical but actually is because teenagers ask a but actually is because teenagers ask a but actually is because teenagers ask a lot of questions why why do we have to lot of questions why why do we have to lot of questions why why do we have to do this but so do toddlers And um I can do this but so do toddlers And um I can do this but so do toddlers And um I can explain to them this is part of explain to them this is part of explain to them this is part of stewardship God's given us these gifts stewardship God's given us these gifts stewardship God's given us these gifts and we work together to care for the and we work together to care for the and we work together to care for the good gifts God has given us we also talk good gifts God has given us we also talk good gifts God has given us we also talk about um Adam in the garden and God told about um Adam in the garden and God told about um Adam in the garden and God told him to work the garden that was before him to work the garden that was before him to work the garden that was before the fall part of us is made to work the fall part of us is made to work the fall part of us is made to work where it says we're created by God to do where it says we're created by God to do where it says we're created by God to do good works not for our salvation but to good works not for our salvation but to good works not for our salvation but to bear fruit and um part of our kids is bear fruit and um part of our kids is bear fruit and um part of our kids is fulfilled when they're helping um and fulfilled when they're helping um and fulfilled when they're helping um and it's just can be a beautiful thing um in

it's just can be a beautiful thing um in it's just can be a beautiful thing um in practice what does that look like um so practice what does that look like um so practice what does that look like um so just speaking friend to friend not like just speaking friend to friend not like just speaking friend to friend not like you have to do all the things we did I you have to do all the things we did I you have to do all the things we did I asked one of my teenagers I said when asked one of my teenagers I said when asked one of my teenagers I said when did we start chores and they said birth did we start chores and they said birth did we start chores and they said birth and I and I and I mean I think you felt that way because mean I think you felt that way because mean I think you felt that way because they were babies and we would say hey they were babies and we would say hey they were babies and we would say hey can you help me throw this diaper away can you help me throw this diaper away can you help me throw this diaper away and we'd walk to the trash can and throw and we'd walk to the trash can and throw and we'd walk to the trash can and throw away the diaper can you help me put your away the diaper can you help me put your away the diaper can you help me put your spoon in the dishwasher um but I think spoon in the dishwasher um but I think spoon in the dishwasher um but I think it's realistic to say that when kids are it's realistic to say that when kids are it's realistic to say that when kids are six and under that it's going to be more six and under that it's going to be more six and under that it's going to be more work for you for them to do chores um work for you for them to do chores um work for you for them to do chores um but the idea is that you're increasing but the idea is that you're increasing but the idea is that you're increasing their ability and their scope so they their ability and their scope so they their ability and their scope so they can take care of their own things they can take care of their own things they can take care of their own things they can help take care of our family they can help take care of our family they can help take care of our family they can help take care of God's family and can help take care of God's family and can help take care of God's family and then by the time they're teenagers and then by the time they're teenagers and then by the time they're teenagers and young adults they're they're have the young adults they're they're have the young adults they're they're have the ability and um the awareness to ability and um the awareness to ability and um the awareness to contribute um so really practically how contribute um so really practically how contribute um so really practically how does that look again this is just this does that look again this is just this does that look again this is just this is descriptive what works for us not is descriptive what works for us not is descriptive what works for us not prescriptive um we have chore charts prescriptive um we have chore charts prescriptive um we have chore charts those were those are we still use them those were those are we still use them those were those are we still use them those are golden um we would when they those are golden um we would when they those are golden um we would when they were little we would just draw pictures were little we would just draw pictures were little we would just draw pictures and then it was in a what it one of and then it was in a what it one of and then it was in a what it one of those page protector sleeves and they those page protector sleeves and they those page protector sleeves and they would mark it off with a dry erase would mark it off with a dry erase would mark it off with a dry erase marker and then we'd wipe it off and um marker and then we'd wipe it off and um marker and then we'd wipe it off and um just really practically now it's very just really practically now it's very just really practically now it's very complicated I don't even understand the complicated I don't even understand the complicated I don't even understand the teenagers run it and they rotate all teenagers run it and they rotate all teenagers run it and they rotate all these things but um but the idea is that these things but um but the idea is that these things but um but the idea is that there's an expectation set here's what there's an expectation set here's what there's an expectation set here's what it's going to look like when the living

it's going to look like when the living it's going to look like when the living room is clean you know and so there's room is clean you know and so there's room is clean you know and so there's not always this feeling of oh I didn't not always this feeling of oh I didn't not always this feeling of oh I didn't know I needed to do that or I need I know I needed to do that or I need I know I needed to do that or I need I need you to arrange the pillows and they need you to arrange the pillows and they need you to arrange the pillows and they don't know that that kind of thing um don't know that that kind of thing um don't know that that kind of thing um another thing that really helps us is um another thing that really helps us is um another thing that really helps us is um dividing it up so each person has dividing it up so each person has dividing it up so each person has personal responsibility for something so personal responsibility for something so personal responsibility for something so not just saying Hey I want this room not just saying Hey I want this room not just saying Hey I want this room clean in 15 minutes go for it but to say clean in 15 minutes go for it but to say clean in 15 minutes go for it but to say could you pick up all the blue blocks could you pick up all the blue blocks could you pick up all the blue blocks right now um it's easier for me to keep right now um it's easier for me to keep right now um it's easier for me to keep track of and then it's not so I have track of and then it's not so I have track of and then it's not so I have five kids so then it's not one kid doing five kids so then it's not one kid doing five kids so then it's not one kid doing all the work with a bad attitude while all the work with a bad attitude while all the work with a bad attitude while the others watch and uh and I can figure the others watch and uh and I can figure the others watch and uh and I can figure out who did what also so it's just a out who did what also so it's just a out who did what also so it's just a maintenance thing our last my last tip maintenance thing our last my last tip maintenance thing our last my last tip this was really important for our family this was really important for our family this was really important for our family is music ever since they were babies we is music ever since they were babies we is music ever since they were babies we would sing a little chore song or would sing a little chore song or would sing a little chore song or Whistle While You Work anything that Whistle While You Work anything that Whistle While You Work anything that might make it sound fun to work but even might make it sound fun to work but even might make it sound fun to work but even now as they're young adults they turn on now as they're young adults they turn on now as they're young adults they turn on the radio really loudly and they dance the radio really loudly and they dance the radio really loudly and they dance in the kitchen and when we are our best in the kitchen and when we are our best in the kitchen and when we are our best selves it's a worshipful experience but selves it's a worshipful experience but selves it's a worshipful experience but we also know it's not always going to be we also know it's not always going to be we also know it's not always going to be like that like that like that too so I'm still in that phase where it too so I'm still in that phase where it too so I'm still in that phase where it is a lot more work to have them do it so is a lot more work to have them do it so is a lot more work to have them do it so what are some so throwing things away what are some so throwing things away what are some so throwing things away cleaning up what what are some other cleaning up what what are some other cleaning up what what are some other things that small children can do yeah things that small children can do yeah things that small children can do yeah my kiddos um when they were really my kiddos um when they were really my kiddos um when they were really little I had them wipe down cabinets little I had them wipe down cabinets little I had them wipe down cabinets just hot water and a rag and wipe down just hot water and a rag and wipe down just hot water and a rag and wipe down cabs walls they're pretty good at that cabs walls they're pretty good at that cabs walls they're pretty good at that um and then helping with sorting laundry um and then helping with sorting laundry um and then helping with sorting laundry maybe not necessarily folding it um they maybe not necessarily folding it um they maybe not necessarily folding it um they can socks socks socks and underwear they

can socks socks socks and underwear they can socks socks socks and underwear they that's they do a lot of that um and then that's they do a lot of that um and then that's they do a lot of that um and then unloading the dishwasher especially like unloading the dishwasher especially like unloading the dishwasher especially like the more get everything colorful you the more get everything colorful you the more get everything colorful you know and that would be the kids stuff um know and that would be the kids stuff um know and that would be the kids stuff um but I think one of the other things that but I think one of the other things that but I think one of the other things that was big okay I have like 100 ideas one was big okay I have like 100 ideas one was big okay I have like 100 ideas one is Emily I think this was you who told is Emily I think this was you who told is Emily I think this was you who told me this to take a picture of a room to me this to take a picture of a room to me this to take a picture of a room to take a picture of your living room when take a picture of your living room when take a picture of your living room when it's clean and the way you want it and it's clean and the way you want it and it's clean and the way you want it and then show your kid make it look like then show your kid make it look like then show your kid make it look like this and then they you know can it's this and then they you know can it's this and then they you know can it's like almost like a spot and find or like almost like a spot and find or like almost like a spot and find or something like seek and find type of something like seek and find type of something like seek and find type of thing so that was like one kind of fun thing so that was like one kind of fun thing so that was like one kind of fun idea my kids can karate chop pillows and idea my kids can karate chop pillows and idea my kids can karate chop pillows and you know maybe they're not going to be you know maybe they're not going to be you know maybe they're not going to be exactly how I want them but it's better exactly how I want them but it's better exactly how I want them but it's better than it was um and then I feel like than it was um and then I feel like than it was um and then I feel like there was one other thing with chores oh there was one other thing with chores oh there was one other thing with chores oh I think the the biggest thing with I think the the biggest thing with I think the the biggest thing with chores is really walking them through chores is really walking them through chores is really walking them through exactly how to do it and and not giving exactly how to do it and and not giving exactly how to do it and and not giving them an assignment before they're old them an assignment before they're old them an assignment before they're old enough cuz I think as Christian moms enough cuz I think as Christian moms enough cuz I think as Christian moms especially we're like everyone needs to especially we're like everyone needs to especially we're like everyone needs to contribute to the work of the home you contribute to the work of the home you contribute to the work of the home you know that's like we know this we say know that's like we know this we say know that's like we know this we say this and we want all of our kids to be this and we want all of our kids to be this and we want all of our kids to be involved but I found that sometimes I involved but I found that sometimes I involved but I found that sometimes I was just giving them a task that was too was just giving them a task that was too was just giving them a task that was too hard and a 5-year-old just really can't hard and a 5-year-old just really can't hard and a 5-year-old just really can't clean the toilet very well like that's clean the toilet very well like that's clean the toilet very well like that's just not going to happen you know and I just not going to happen you know and I just not going to happen you know and I don't want poop flying around everywhere don't want poop flying around everywhere don't want poop flying around everywhere and those brushes and it's just a lot so and those brushes and it's just a lot so and those brushes and it's just a lot so I realized like maybe I was pushing my I realized like maybe I was pushing my I realized like maybe I was pushing my kids a little too fast on the chores and kids a little too fast on the chores and kids a little too fast on the chores and so if you can just find a couple things so if you can just find a couple things so if you can just find a couple things or like for my kids we never had we or like for my kids we never had we or like for my kids we never had we don't still have formal chores it's more don't still have formal chores it's more don't still have formal chores it's more just like hey if Mama has a need like just like hey if Mama has a need like just like hey if Mama has a need like you hop to it you know like everyone is you hop to it you know like everyone is you hop to it you know like everyone is contributing we're all working together contributing we're all working together contributing we're all working together if you don't help me then like I'm doing if you don't help me then like I'm doing if you don't help me then like I'm doing everything and that's not fair and so we everything and that's not fair and so we everything and that's not fair and so we kind of talk about just we're a family

kind of talk about just we're a family kind of talk about just we're a family we're we're a community work together we're we're a community work together we're we're a community work together and then I really try with their chores and then I really try with their chores and then I really try with their chores to make sure like that they match and it to make sure like that they match and it to make sure like that they match and it may just be as simple as like yeah go may just be as simple as like yeah go may just be as simple as like yeah go throw away this diaper or can you grab throw away this diaper or can you grab throw away this diaper or can you grab Mama a new new pair of pants for her or Mama a new new pair of pants for her or Mama a new new pair of pants for her or whatever and I think that that's that's whatever and I think that that's that's whatever and I think that that's that's fine if like you don't have like this fine if like you don't have like this fine if like you don't have like this big formal chores system that is totally big formal chores system that is totally big formal chores system that is totally okay like they will still learn to be okay like they will still learn to be okay like they will still learn to be hard workers like that will still happen hard workers like that will still happen hard workers like that will still happen so I like the idea of wiping down the so I like the idea of wiping down the so I like the idea of wiping down the counter the cabinets because I don't counter the cabinets because I don't counter the cabinets because I don't know what you're but if I get down there know what you're but if I get down there know what you're but if I get down there and look I am shocked at what my bottom and look I am shocked at what my bottom and look I am shocked at what my bottom cabinets look like I don't think of that cabinets look like I don't think of that cabinets look like I don't think of that as something that you need to claim as something that you need to claim as something that you need to claim regularly but apparently you regularly but apparently you regularly but apparently you do um Laura what is something that do um Laura what is something that do um Laura what is something that parents of young kids can do to parents of young kids can do to parents of young kids can do to strengthen their marriage that doesn't strengthen their marriage that doesn't strengthen their marriage that doesn't requ require money or Child Care yeah I requ require money or Child Care yeah I requ require money or Child Care yeah I love this question people always say love this question people always say love this question people always say date nights that's just expensive if you date nights that's just expensive if you date nights that's just expensive if you particularly if you don't have particularly if you don't have particularly if you don't have grandparents or somebody to watch your grandparents or somebody to watch your grandparents or somebody to watch your kids yes and I'm not going to say a date kids yes and I'm not going to say a date kids yes and I'm not going to say a date night end either so don't worry um okay night end either so don't worry um okay night end either so don't worry um okay so I think with this I remember whenever so I think with this I remember whenever so I think with this I remember whenever I first became a mom I was a I first became a mom I was a I first became a mom I was a stay-at-home mom right after my first stay-at-home mom right after my first stay-at-home mom right after my first child was born and I don't know if you child was born and I don't know if you child was born and I don't know if you guys know this feeling but how you kind guys know this feeling but how you kind guys know this feeling but how you kind of have to download to your husband of have to download to your husband of have to download to your husband you're like and here's what I did today you're like and here's what I did today you're like and here's what I did today like I unloaded the dishwasher and then like I unloaded the dishwasher and then like I unloaded the dishwasher and then I went to the store and you know you I went to the store and you know you I went to the store and you know you kind of feel like you need need that kind of feel like you need need that kind of feel like you need need that affirmation of like I got something done affirmation of like I got something done affirmation of like I got something done today you know and I did something and today you know and I did something and today you know and I did something and so really from that I I realized like I so really from that I I realized like I so really from that I I realized like I need somebody that I am talking to um in need somebody that I am talking to um in need somebody that I am talking to um in a thoughtful way and like we're having a thoughtful way and like we're having a thoughtful way and like we're having intentional conversations and so we did intentional conversations and so we did intentional conversations and so we did a thing called Sunday checkins and uh

a thing called Sunday checkins and uh a thing called Sunday checkins and uh there were four questions that we asked there were four questions that we asked there were four questions that we asked every week and you can use these you can every week and you can use these you can every week and you can use these you can change these however you want but um the change these however you want but um the change these however you want but um the first question is uh how did I love you first question is uh how did I love you first question is uh how did I love you well this week so you're looking back or well this week so you're looking back or well this week so you're looking back or last week you're looking back on the last week you're looking back on the last week you're looking back on the week and just affirming one another and week and just affirming one another and week and just affirming one another and saying I really appreciate it when you saying I really appreciate it when you saying I really appreciate it when you did this or that or I loved it when you did this or that or I loved it when you did this or that or I loved it when you did this um and you're both answering did this um and you're both answering did this um and you're both answering these questions right so how did I love these questions right so how did I love these questions right so how did I love you well last week um the second one is you well last week um the second one is you well last week um the second one is how could I have loved or cared for you how could I have loved or cared for you how could I have loved or cared for you better last week so that would just be better last week so that would just be better last week so that would just be an opportunity for you to say like oh I an opportunity for you to say like oh I an opportunity for you to say like oh I really felt overlooked when this really felt overlooked when this really felt overlooked when this happened or when you worked late or happened or when you worked late or happened or when you worked late or whatever those kind of things are um and whatever those kind of things are um and whatever those kind of things are um and then the next question is what do we then the next question is what do we then the next question is what do we have on the schedule this week ahead so have on the schedule this week ahead so have on the schedule this week ahead so it's actually become even more important it's actually become even more important it's actually become even more important that my husband talk about our schedule that my husband talk about our schedule that my husband talk about our schedule head because stuff's just even crazier head because stuff's just even crazier head because stuff's just even crazier with me working and with the kids in with me working and with the kids in with me working and with the kids in school and everything like that but it's school and everything like that but it's school and everything like that but it's so important even wherever you are in so important even wherever you are in so important even wherever you are in mom life to be able to talk about the mom life to be able to talk about the mom life to be able to talk about the week ahead and plan for it and then week ahead and plan for it and then week ahead and plan for it and then lastly is how can I support you best lastly is how can I support you best lastly is how can I support you best this week so hey I really need you home this week so hey I really need you home this week so hey I really need you home on Tuesday a little bit early or hey I'm on Tuesday a little bit early or hey I'm on Tuesday a little bit early or hey I'm really nervous about this thing can you really nervous about this thing can you really nervous about this thing can you pray for a Thursday morning's Bible pray for a Thursday morning's Bible pray for a Thursday morning's Bible study where I'm teaching or whatever study where I'm teaching or whatever study where I'm teaching or whatever that is um but I really appreciated that is um but I really appreciated that is um but I really appreciated those four questions that were very those four questions that were very those four questions that were very intentional you can do them in the car intentional you can do them in the car intentional you can do them in the car you can do them on your back porch you you can do them on your back porch you you can do them on your back porch you can do them over the phone like whatever can do them over the phone like whatever can do them over the phone like whatever you need to do but it it forces that you need to do but it it forces that you need to do but it it forces that deeper conversation and I think that deeper conversation and I think that deeper conversation and I think that that was something that was really vital that was something that was really vital that was something that was really vital for my husband and I to stay connected for my husband and I to stay connected for my husband and I to stay connected um and I think particularly for me who's um and I think particularly for me who's um and I think particularly for me who's a verbal processor and really thrives on a verbal processor and really thrives on a verbal processor and really thrives on affirmation um with a husband who's more affirmation um with a husband who's more affirmation um with a husband who's more quiet and introverted to to create space

quiet and introverted to to create space quiet and introverted to to create space for those conversations to happen and for those conversations to happen and for those conversations to happen and neither of us feeling weird or like him neither of us feeling weird or like him neither of us feeling weird or like him feeling like okay this is my time to feeling like okay this is my time to feeling like okay this is my time to talk I know what I'm supposed to do talk I know what I'm supposed to do talk I know what I'm supposed to do right now you know and so I think that right now you know and so I think that right now you know and so I think that really helped too other ideas really helped too other ideas really helped too other ideas man we've gotten made fun of for this a man we've gotten made fun of for this a man we've gotten made fun of for this a lot over the years but we always put our lot over the years but we always put our lot over the years but we always put our kids to bed early like so early they're kids to bed early like so early they're kids to bed early like so early they're so firm about it guys um it's good but so firm about it guys um it's good but so firm about it guys um it's good but what huh throw out a time like I would what huh throw out a time like I would what huh throw out a time like I would say 700 p.m. but older kids can I say say 700 p.m. but older kids can I say say 700 p.m. but older kids can I say they to go to their rooms am I sharing they to go to their rooms am I sharing they to go to their rooms am I sharing to much oh man we're going to get into to much oh man we're going to get into to much oh man we're going to get into this um but I think what we didn't know this um but I think what we didn't know this um but I think what we didn't know at the time we were like creating this at the time we were like creating this at the time we were like creating this Rhythm we were just so tired again we Rhythm we were just so tired again we Rhythm we were just so tired again we had all these little kids and we're like had all these little kids and we're like had all these little kids and we're like you have to go to bed because we have to you have to go to bed because we have to you have to go to bed because we have to be done and be done and be done and um but what would happen is we would um but what would happen is we would um but what would happen is we would clean up together after the kids went to clean up together after the kids went to clean up together after the kids went to bed and we would talk and we'd have a bed and we would talk and we'd have a bed and we would talk and we'd have a show and we didn't know this but we were show and we didn't know this but we were show and we didn't know this but we were building in you know one to two hours building in you know one to two hours building in you know one to two hours together in the evening and we didn't together in the evening and we didn't together in the evening and we didn't always talk or have deep conversations always talk or have deep conversations always talk or have deep conversations or anything like that but I I saw that or anything like that but I I saw that or anything like that but I I saw that as something that really helped sustain as something that really helped sustain as something that really helped sustain our marriage through through years where our marriage through through years where our marriage through through years where we did not have date night on a regular we did not have date night on a regular we did not have date night on a regular basis we did not get that one-on-one basis we did not get that one-on-one basis we did not get that one-on-one time together but I'm like oh but we did time together but I'm like oh but we did time together but I'm like oh but we did at least talk most evenings and connect at least talk most evenings and connect at least talk most evenings and connect in that way even when we were tired so in that way even when we were tired so in that way even when we were tired so that's the best thing for us right now that's the best thing for us right now that's the best thing for us right now our two and four-year-old they go to bed our two and four-year-old they go to bed our two and four-year-old they go to bed at 6:30 and we actually wait and have

at 6:30 and we actually wait and have at 6:30 and we actually wait and have dinner after they go to bed we'll do dinner after they go to bed we'll do dinner after they go to bed we'll do family meal times someday but right now family meal times someday but right now family meal times someday but right now it's just great for us to eat after they it's just great for us to eat after they it's just great for us to eat after they go to bed and um it it keeps us sane and go to bed and um it it keeps us sane and go to bed and um it it keeps us sane and connected connected connected as our kids got older we did that one as our kids got older we did that one as our kids got older we did that one day a week and it was date night and but day a week and it was date night and but day a week and it was date night and but it was fun it was so fun it was so it was fun it was so fun it was so it was fun it was so fun it was so wonderful to be able to have that time wonderful to be able to have that time wonderful to be able to have that time where we would just have that where we would just have that where we would just have that intentional time together and the kids intentional time together and the kids intentional time together and the kids were on board with it too they still are were on board with it too they still are were on board with it too they still are except now we get to go out which is except now we get to go out which is except now we get to go out which is awesome and your older ones can keep awesome and your older ones can keep awesome and your older ones can keep your younger your younger your younger ones be great um okay we want to ones be great um okay we want to ones be great um okay we want to transition to a slightly different transition to a slightly different transition to a slightly different format just for a few minutes and I'm format just for a few minutes and I'm format just for a few minutes and I'm going to get each panels to give me some going to get each panels to give me some going to get each panels to give me some rapid fire advice about different topics rapid fire advice about different topics rapid fire advice about different topics ICS so we'll go down the line we'll ICS so we'll go down the line we'll ICS so we'll go down the line we'll start with Emily on this and these are start with Emily on this and these are start with Emily on this and these are just going to be short you don't have to just going to be short you don't have to just going to be short you don't have to explain very much what is your best explain very much what is your best explain very much what is your best advice about dealing with sleep advice about dealing with sleep advice about dealing with sleep deprivation maybe you just gave it but I deprivation maybe you just gave it but I deprivation maybe you just gave it but I just gave it okay I was going to say go just gave it okay I was going to say go just gave it okay I was going to say go to bed early but seriously I could never to bed early but seriously I could never to bed early but seriously I could never nap you know everybody was like nap when nap you know everybody was like nap when nap you know everybody was like nap when the baby naps I'm like I am not a napper the baby naps I'm like I am not a napper the baby naps I'm like I am not a napper I can't do it but if I did not get good I can't do it but if I did not get good I can't do it but if I did not get good sleep the night before we would put our sleep the night before we would put our sleep the night before we would put our kids to bed I'm like I am just checking kids to bed I'm like I am just checking kids to bed I'm like I am just checking out at 8:00 and I would catch up on my out at 8:00 and I would catch up on my out at 8:00 and I would catch up on my sleep that way sleep that way sleep that way Ginger sleep deprivation it's real if I Ginger sleep deprivation it's real if I Ginger sleep deprivation it's real if I could do it over you're not crazy if I could do it over you're not crazy if I could do it over you're not crazy if I could do it over I would accept more could do it over I would accept more could do it over I would accept more help and I would call my friends more help and I would call my friends more help and I would call my friends more like it's so hard to talk on the phone like it's so hard to talk on the phone like it's so hard to talk on the phone when you have little kids but even if I when you have little kids but even if I when you have little kids but even if I couldn't have a coherent conversation couldn't have a coherent conversation couldn't have a coherent conversation just to check in I would if I could do just to check in I would if I could do just to check in I would if I could do it over that's what I would it over that's what I would it over that's what I would do yeah I would say that kindness is

do yeah I would say that kindness is do yeah I would say that kindness is always possible so no matter how tired always possible so no matter how tired always possible so no matter how tired you are you may not be starting a you are you may not be starting a you are you may not be starting a business you may not be in Crazy business you may not be in Crazy business you may not be in Crazy creative you may not be hosting tons of creative you may not be hosting tons of creative you may not be hosting tons of people but you can always be kind we'll people but you can always be kind we'll people but you can always be kind we'll start with ginger this time so Emily's start with ginger this time so Emily's start with ginger this time so Emily's not always first what's your I don't not always first what's your I don't not always first what's your I don't talk about sleep talk about sleep talk about sleep again what's your best piece of advice again what's your best piece of advice again what's your best piece of advice on on on discipline It's Tricky but I would say discipline It's Tricky but I would say discipline It's Tricky but I would say if you can pause before you do anything if you can pause before you do anything if you can pause before you do anything and talk to the Lord and try to and talk to the Lord and try to and talk to the Lord and try to understand the situation before you have understand the situation before you have understand the situation before you have a reaction but it's so hard I I'm not a reaction but it's so hard I I'm not a reaction but it's so hard I I'm not saying we I get it right all the time saying we I get it right all the time saying we I get it right all the time but if I could do it perfectly I would but if I could do it perfectly I would but if I could do it perfectly I would try to pause Laura discipline try to pause Laura discipline try to pause Laura discipline um I would say that it is okay to put um I would say that it is okay to put um I would say that it is okay to put your child in their room or in a crib your child in their room or in a crib your child in their room or in a crib until you are ready to re-engage that until you are ready to re-engage that until you are ready to re-engage that it's ready to what to re-engage and to it's ready to what to re-engage and to it's ready to what to re-engage and to be calm um or maybe they need to calm be calm um or maybe they need to calm be calm um or maybe they need to calm down so um for one of our children we do down so um for one of our children we do down so um for one of our children we do have kind of one of those child safety have kind of one of those child safety have kind of one of those child safety locks on the inside of their door so locks on the inside of their door so locks on the inside of their door so that they can't get out until I'm ready that they can't get out until I'm ready that they can't get out until I'm ready to come in um and that if things are to come in um and that if things are to come in um and that if things are just really hard feel go put them where just really hard feel go put them where just really hard feel go put them where somewhere where they're safe take a somewhere where they're safe take a somewhere where they're safe take a break and then come back that is okay break and then come back that is okay break and then come back that is okay there is no shame Emily um once someone there is no shame Emily um once someone there is no shame Emily um once someone told me that consistency in discipline told me that consistency in discipline told me that consistency in discipline doesn't necessarily mean you give the doesn't necessarily mean you give the doesn't necessarily mean you give the child the same consequence every single child the same consequence every single child the same consequence every single time and for whatever reason that just time and for whatever reason that just time and for whatever reason that just really freed me up because I had like really freed me up because I had like really freed me up because I had like one or two things in my mind of like one or two things in my mind of like one or two things in my mind of like when you do this we do this and I was when you do this we do this and I was when you do this we do this and I was like how does that work in public how like how does that work in public how like how does that work in public how does that work at Grandma's house how

does that work at Grandma's house how does that work at Grandma's house how does that work in this situation and it does that work in this situation and it does that work in this situation and it just really freed me up to be like I can just really freed me up to be like I can just really freed me up to be like I can respond every time but it may look respond every time but it may look respond every time but it may look different different different very helpful okay Laura you're first very helpful okay Laura you're first very helpful okay Laura you're first feeding small feeding small feeding small children what you feed your child does children what you feed your child does children what you feed your child does not make you more or less time oh me okay um so I have a picky time oh me okay um so I have a picky eater and I thought that it was all my eater and I thought that it was all my eater and I thought that it was all my fault and he is now older and none of my fault and he is now older and none of my fault and he is now older and none of my other children are picky eater so I other children are picky eater so I other children are picky eater so I think don't feel too much shame or don't think don't feel too much shame or don't think don't feel too much shame or don't prematurely judge that you have done prematurely judge that you have done prematurely judge that you have done something terribly wrong if you have a something terribly wrong if you have a something terribly wrong if you have a picky eater Ginger I was talking to my picky eater Ginger I was talking to my picky eater Ginger I was talking to my teenagers about this and one of them teenagers about this and one of them teenagers about this and one of them said just make whatever you want to eat said just make whatever you want to eat said just make whatever you want to eat because they're not going to eat it because they're not going to eat it because they're not going to eat it anyway there's there's a level of Truth anyway there's there's a level of Truth anyway there's there's a level of Truth to that but I would say um one thing to that but I would say um one thing to that but I would say um one thing that really was freeing for me was that really was freeing for me was that really was freeing for me was somebody said aim for a balanced day or somebody said aim for a balanced day or somebody said aim for a balanced day or balanced week sometimes and don't make balanced week sometimes and don't make balanced week sometimes and don't make every meal a battle they do need help every meal a battle they do need help every meal a battle they do need help making good choices but it but it making good choices but it but it making good choices but it but it doesn't have to be every meal every time doesn't have to be every meal every time doesn't have to be every meal every time perfect thank you those are very good perfect thank you those are very good perfect thank you those are very good pieces of advice okay talking with few pieces of advice okay talking with few pieces of advice okay talking with few more in-depth questions more in-depth questions more in-depth questions Laura how do you explain the rules and Laura how do you explain the rules and Laura how do you explain the rules and choices you make for your family when choices you make for your family when choices you make for your family when they differ from other fam's choices and they differ from other fam's choices and they differ from other fam's choices and this is especially hard when you're this is especially hard when you're this is especially hard when you're talking about other Christian families

talking about other Christian families talking about other Christian families or families at church so there's there's or families at church so there's there's or families at church so there's there's things that we do because we're things that we do because we're things that we do because we're Christians that people who are not Christians that people who are not Christians that people who are not Christians are not going to do but then Christians are not going to do but then Christians are not going to do but then there's things that we do that other there's things that we do that other there's things that we do that other Christians let their children do or Christians let their children do or Christians let their children do or don't do how do you talk about that don't do how do you talk about that don't do how do you talk about that without instilling a sense of Pride or without instilling a sense of Pride or without instilling a sense of Pride or judgmentalness yeah I think this is judgmentalness yeah I think this is judgmentalness yeah I think this is really tough the whole like but Mom they really tough the whole like but Mom they really tough the whole like but Mom they got to watch that movie or but Mom they got to watch that movie or but Mom they got to watch that movie or but Mom they get to stay up late like that whole get to stay up late like that whole get to stay up late like that whole thing and we live in a culdesac with um thing and we live in a culdesac with um thing and we live in a culdesac with um as the Lord would have it like lots of as the Lord would have it like lots of as the Lord would have it like lots of other Christian families that go to our other Christian families that go to our other Christian families that go to our church my sister-in-law lives literally church my sister-in-law lives literally church my sister-in-law lives literally next door to me so we are around a lot next door to me so we are around a lot next door to me so we are around a lot of believing incredible families but of believing incredible families but of believing incredible families but it's amazing because we do have it's amazing because we do have it's amazing because we do have different rules in them and we are different rules in them and we are different rules in them and we are making different decisions on a daily making different decisions on a daily making different decisions on a daily basis and so this is often heard in my basis and so this is often heard in my basis and so this is often heard in my house and I think the the biggest thing house and I think the the biggest thing house and I think the the biggest thing first is just lay that foundation with first is just lay that foundation with first is just lay that foundation with kiddos of hey there's God's rules and kiddos of hey there's God's rules and kiddos of hey there's God's rules and then there's our family Rules or our then there's our family Rules or our then there's our family Rules or our house rules and we kind of call it the house rules and we kind of call it the house rules and we kind of call it the whiffler way at our house so you can whiffler way at our house so you can whiffler way at our house so you can think of a a cute little phrase if you think of a a cute little phrase if you think of a a cute little phrase if you want but um just helping your children want but um just helping your children want but um just helping your children understand that God has certain commands understand that God has certain commands understand that God has certain commands that he has for everyone and and they're that he has for everyone and and they're that he has for everyone and and they're pretty clear like do not lie do not pretty clear like do not lie do not pretty clear like do not lie do not steal and you can walk through those steal and you can walk through those steal and you can walk through those things with them um and and yet there's things with them um and and yet there's things with them um and and yet there's a lot of freedom within that right like a lot of freedom within that right like a lot of freedom within that right like God actually has very few big rules for God actually has very few big rules for God actually has very few big rules for his people and then beyond that like as his people and then beyond that like as his people and then beyond that like as parents we have the freedom and we have parents we have the freedom and we have parents we have the freedom and we have the responsibility to make decisions for the responsibility to make decisions for the responsibility to make decisions for our kiddos and I tell my kids like God our kiddos and I tell my kids like God our kiddos and I tell my kids like God thought I was the best mom for you so thought I was the best mom for you so thought I was the best mom for you so you know like this is what you got bud you know like this is what you got bud you know like this is what you got bud you know and I don't know why you know you know and I don't know why you know you know and I don't know why you know but um I think and then we just talk but um I think and then we just talk but um I think and then we just talk through of like hey our family's going through of like hey our family's going through of like hey our family's going to make different decisions like they

to make different decisions like they to make different decisions like they have a little sister with disabilities have a little sister with disabilities have a little sister with disabilities who has different needs and those who has different needs and those who has different needs and those families don't have kids with families don't have kids with families don't have kids with disabilities so of course our life is disabilities so of course our life is disabilities so of course our life is going to look a bit little bit different going to look a bit little bit different going to look a bit little bit different and yet I also like to point out on the and yet I also like to point out on the and yet I also like to point out on the other side of areas where like in their other side of areas where like in their other side of areas where like in their minds it's a positive thing right so um minds it's a positive thing right so um minds it's a positive thing right so um making sure that even when your kids making sure that even when your kids making sure that even when your kids seeing like oh they got to watch this seeing like oh they got to watch this seeing like oh they got to watch this show or this movie and I'm like yeah but show or this movie and I'm like yeah but show or this movie and I'm like yeah but you got to go over to this place and you got to go over to this place and you got to go over to this place and they haven't gone to that place and just they haven't gone to that place and just they haven't gone to that place and just them seeing areas where it's a positive them seeing areas where it's a positive them seeing areas where it's a positive thing that like the the the rules that thing that like the the the rules that thing that like the the the rules that our whiffler family have that we really our whiffler family have that we really our whiffler family have that we really love um we're really glad to be a part love um we're really glad to be a part love um we're really glad to be a part of this family and we're happy for that of this family and we're happy for that of this family and we're happy for that family but we're just not at that spot family but we're just not at that spot family but we're just not at that spot yet and so I think that's one thing and yet and so I think that's one thing and yet and so I think that's one thing and then also I have found that sometimes then also I have found that sometimes then also I have found that sometimes especially among my Christian friends especially among my Christian friends especially among my Christian friends and what my peers are doing that and what my peers are doing that and what my peers are doing that sometimes the reason I'm not allowing my sometimes the reason I'm not allowing my sometimes the reason I'm not allowing my child to do something is less so because child to do something is less so because child to do something is less so because I believe it's not right or morally okay I believe it's not right or morally okay I believe it's not right or morally okay for my kids or something like that but for my kids or something like that but for my kids or something like that but it's more maybe because I'm being a it's more maybe because I'm being a it's more maybe because I'm being a little bit lazy or because I am not I'm little bit lazy or because I am not I'm little bit lazy or because I am not I'm just not interested in that right like just not interested in that right like just not interested in that right like I'm not vetting that movie so it's a no I'm not vetting that movie so it's a no I'm not vetting that movie so it's a no or you know I'm I'm like kind of tired or you know I'm I'm like kind of tired or you know I'm I'm like kind of tired so like no we're not going to stay up so like no we're not going to stay up so like no we're not going to stay up late and go to the pool like I'm just late and go to the pool like I'm just late and go to the pool like I'm just I'm too tired and so I think that that's I'm too tired and so I think that that's I'm too tired and so I think that that's something I've had to kind of work something I've had to kind of work something I've had to kind of work through of recognizing where are areas through of recognizing where are areas through of recognizing where are areas where I am saying no or I'm bringing a where I am saying no or I'm bringing a where I am saying no or I'm bringing a rule into our home because I'm tired and rule into our home because I'm tired and rule into our home because I'm tired and lazy and not because I believe it's lazy and not because I believe it's lazy and not because I believe it's what's best for my child's flourishing what's best for my child's flourishing what's best for my child's flourishing or like what is the big deal if they or like what is the big deal if they or like what is the big deal if they stay up until 9 on the 4th of July you stay up until 9 on the 4th of July you stay up until 9 on the 4th of July you know or see fireworks or something like know or see fireworks or something like know or see fireworks or something like can we have can I bring in fresh

can we have can I bring in fresh can we have can I bring in fresh freedoms um and learn from some of these freedoms um and learn from some of these freedoms um and learn from some of these other families in certain areas um and other families in certain areas um and other families in certain areas um and just making sure that's that's a heart just making sure that's that's a heart just making sure that's that's a heart motivation thing right like different motivation thing right like different motivation thing right like different families again will make different families again will make different families again will make different choices but that's a that's a little gut choices but that's a that's a little gut choices but that's a that's a little gut check that you can make I think and um check that you can make I think and um check that you can make I think and um try to be free with your kids where you try to be free with your kids where you try to be free with your kids where you can I want to be a yes Mom right we want can I want to be a yes Mom right we want can I want to be a yes Mom right we want to be yes moms and so try to do to be yes moms and so try to do to be yes moms and so try to do that I would love to hear from the rest that I would love to hear from the rest that I would love to hear from the rest of you so I was going to say that one of of you so I was going to say that one of of you so I was going to say that one of the things U as my kids have gotten the things U as my kids have gotten the things U as my kids have gotten older so I totally I love what she said older so I totally I love what she said older so I totally I love what she said but also thinking that it's so freeing but also thinking that it's so freeing but also thinking that it's so freeing to be um that there are things that I'm to be um that there are things that I'm to be um that there are things that I'm good at that another mom might not do so good at that another mom might not do so good at that another mom might not do so my kids get to do some things that my kids get to do some things that my kids get to do some things that another mom would say no to and so another mom would say no to and so another mom would say no to and so there's just um there's there's a God there's just um there's there's a God there's just um there's there's a God has a good plan he has a good purpose has a good plan he has a good purpose has a good plan he has a good purpose for our kids my kids are all terrible I for our kids my kids are all terrible I for our kids my kids are all terrible I hope there's some of them in this room hope there's some of them in this room hope there's some of them in this room my kids struggle sometimes with math my kids struggle sometimes with math my kids struggle sometimes with math because it is not my area of gifting and because it is not my area of gifting and because it is not my area of gifting and I have been their teacher um so very I have been their teacher um so very I have been their teacher um so very humbling but they are pro at grammar so humbling but they are pro at grammar so humbling but they are pro at grammar so like there's just different things that like there's just different things that like there's just different things that um different family is bring and that um different family is bring and that um different family is bring and that and to know that I don't have I don't and to know that I don't have I don't and to know that I don't have I don't have at all but I can maybe contribute have at all but I can maybe contribute have at all but I can maybe contribute to another family or have another family to another family or have another family to another family or have another family speak into mine as speak into mine as speak into mine as well well well Emily yeah I I think something we try to Emily yeah I I think something we try to Emily yeah I I think something we try to tell our kids at times because they're tell our kids at times because they're tell our kids at times because they're very curious and they want to know why very curious and they want to know why very curious and they want to know why and they have been the kids who've gone and they have been the kids who've gone and they have been the kids who've gone to the other family and been like but to the other family and been like but to the other family and been like but why don't you X Y and Z or why do you X why don't you X Y and Z or why do you X why don't you X Y and Z or why do you X Y andz so we've also had to coach our Y andz so we've also had to coach our Y andz so we've also had to coach our kids of that's for their parents to

kids of that's for their parents to kids of that's for their parents to explain to them that's for them to talk explain to them that's for them to talk explain to them that's for them to talk about in their home bring your questions about in their home bring your questions about in their home bring your questions to us but if you see your friend doing to us but if you see your friend doing to us but if you see your friend doing something different I think it's okay to something different I think it's okay to something different I think it's okay to have that Preparatory conversation to have that Preparatory conversation to have that Preparatory conversation to say hey that's something not something say hey that's something not something say hey that's something not something that we need to comment that we need to comment that we need to comment about yeah that's how to handle like about yeah that's how to handle like about yeah that's how to handle like Santa Halloween like that's how you Santa Halloween like that's how you Santa Halloween like that's how you handle a lot of that stuff is like hey handle a lot of that stuff is like hey handle a lot of that stuff is like hey every family gets to talk about that every family gets to talk about that every family gets to talk about that within their own family not with others within their own family not with others within their own family not with others you you you know and probably as you talk about know and probably as you talk about know and probably as you talk about those things with your children they those things with your children they those things with your children they will really pick up on your heart for it will really pick up on your heart for it will really pick up on your heart for it so I know if my heart is really so I know if my heart is really so I know if my heart is really we don't do that because we really are we don't do that because we really are we don't do that because we really are better than the family down thead better than the family down thead better than the family down thead they're going to pick up on that you they're going to pick up on that you they're going to pick up on that you know so that makes me want to go back know so that makes me want to go back know so that makes me want to go back and search my heart for because we need and search my heart for because we need and search my heart for because we need to do what we think is right but I don't to do what we think is right but I don't to do what we think is right but I don't want to then just inculcate pride in my want to then just inculcate pride in my want to then just inculcate pride in my children by doing that children by doing that children by doing that um also sometimes not wanting people to um also sometimes not wanting people to um also sometimes not wanting people to think I'm a bad parent is a good wakeup think I'm a bad parent is a good wakeup think I'm a bad parent is a good wakeup call for me for something that like my call for me for something that like my call for me for something that like my child is doing that I need to curtail child is doing that I need to curtail child is doing that I need to curtail some kind of bad behavior but other some kind of bad behavior but other some kind of bad behavior but other times I find myself caring more about times I find myself caring more about times I find myself caring more about what other people think than what's what other people think than what's what other people think than what's actually good for my child so do you actually good for my child so do you actually good for my child so do you Ginder do you have advice or can you Ginder do you have advice or can you Ginder do you have advice or can you tell me how you have dealt with that tell me how you have dealt with that tell me how you have dealt with that just the way you parent in front of just the way you parent in front of just the way you parent in front of other people's other people's other people's eyes it is so hard that is such a hard eyes it is so hard that is such a hard eyes it is so hard that is such a hard issue and I think it's because it ties issue and I think it's because it ties issue and I think it's because it ties to what we love and we don't always to what we love and we don't always to what we love and we don't always understand or even know what we love understand or even know what we love understand or even know what we love there's all these sort of background there's all these sort of background there's all these sort of background things but we tend to love ourselves things but we tend to love ourselves things but we tend to love ourselves more than our children um and it's just

more than our children um and it's just more than our children um and it's just because we're selfish Fallen people um because we're selfish Fallen people um because we're selfish Fallen people um so part of that um so I remember one so part of that um so I remember one so part of that um so I remember one time when my daughter was maybe five um time when my daughter was maybe five um time when my daughter was maybe five um one of our kids spilled something I told one of our kids spilled something I told one of our kids spilled something I told her to go get some paper towels I was her to go get some paper towels I was her to go get some paper towels I was angry with her I mean I wasn't angry but angry with her I mean I wasn't angry but angry with her I mean I wasn't angry but I was just like please go get the paper I was just like please go get the paper I was just like please go get the paper towels and she kind of hesitated and I towels and she kind of hesitated and I towels and she kind of hesitated and I could see that um she wasn't going to go could see that um she wasn't going to go could see that um she wasn't going to go and so I said go get the paper towels and so I said go get the paper towels and so I said go get the paper towels and then she was gone a long time and I and then she was gone a long time and I and then she was gone a long time and I said please bring those paper towels said please bring those paper towels said please bring those paper towels upstairs now because the spill is on the upstairs now because the spill is on the upstairs now because the spill is on the floor and I heard her scrambling around floor and I heard her scrambling around floor and I heard her scrambling around and she brought me up a stack of and she brought me up a stack of and she brought me up a stack of alphabet flashcards alphabet flashcards alphabet flashcards and it's very upset I saw that the last and it's very upset I saw that the last and it's very upset I saw that the last one she had pulled off quickly and had one she had pulled off quickly and had one she had pulled off quickly and had torn the wall and I was harsh with her I torn the wall and I was harsh with her I torn the wall and I was harsh with her I sent her out of the room and I got the sent her out of the room and I got the sent her out of the room and I got the paper towels myself and calmed down and paper towels myself and calmed down and paper towels myself and calmed down and I looked back at what she had handed me I looked back at what she had handed me I looked back at what she had handed me and they had been stuck up on the wall and they had been stuck up on the wall and they had been stuck up on the wall because she was learning her ABCs and because she was learning her ABCs and because she was learning her ABCs and she had brought me AE I O U so she had she had brought me AE I O U so she had she had brought me AE I O U so she had brought me the paper brought me the paper brought me the paper vowels vowels vowels and I in that moment I thought my child and I in that moment I thought my child and I in that moment I thought my child is kind of a genius is kind of a genius is kind of a genius and I am such a and I am such a and I am such a fool um and I I was thinking in that fool um and I I was thinking in that fool um and I I was thinking in that moment what what went wrong here I was moment what what went wrong here I was moment what what went wrong here I was preferring my own convenience over what preferring my own convenience over what preferring my own convenience over what was best for my child just not even was best for my child just not even was best for my child just not even stopping to listen to really understand stopping to listen to really understand stopping to listen to really understand each other on this issue I think um each other on this issue I think um each other on this issue I think um there can be so many things that we want there can be so many things that we want there can be so many things that we want to prefer in that moment our image you to prefer in that moment our image you to prefer in that moment our image you know or sometimes our kids take up so

know or sometimes our kids take up so know or sometimes our kids take up so much of our time that they can become much of our time that they can become much of our time that they can become part of our identity and we can feel part of our identity and we can feel part of our identity and we can feel like our identity is threatened like our identity is threatened like our identity is threatened sometimes in public discipline sometimes in public discipline sometimes in public discipline situations and um one thing that really situations and um one thing that really situations and um one thing that really helps me uh is having a community of helps me uh is having a community of helps me uh is having a community of people who love the Lord who love my people who love the Lord who love my people who love the Lord who love my children who love me and who keep me children who love me and who keep me children who love me and who keep me grounded on what's important Tim Keller grounded on what's important Tim Keller grounded on what's important Tim Keller has this quote that Community works the has this quote that Community works the has this quote that Community works the gospel out into the corners of our lives gospel out into the corners of our lives gospel out into the corners of our lives and um to say why was I so upset or and um to say why was I so upset or and um to say why was I so upset or should I be more concerned you know should I be more concerned you know should I be more concerned you know those kind of things and just to talk it those kind of things and just to talk it those kind of things and just to talk it through with some people that we share through with some people that we share through with some people that we share similar ideas or values or or we're similar ideas or values or or we're similar ideas or values or or we're learning from each other learning from each other learning from each other um Tim Keller has this quote um anger is um Tim Keller has this quote um anger is um Tim Keller has this quote um anger is energy released to defend something that energy released to defend something that energy released to defend something that you love so God is angry towards evil you love so God is angry towards evil you love so God is angry towards evil that dishonors him and that um ruins that dishonors him and that um ruins that dishonors him and that um ruins that which he loves but the problem with that which he loves but the problem with that which he loves but the problem with human anger is this that we tend to human anger is this that we tend to human anger is this that we tend to overlo the wrong things and so in some overlo the wrong things and so in some overlo the wrong things and so in some ways raising children is kind of like a ways raising children is kind of like a ways raising children is kind of like a yearslong Academy in learning what our yearslong Academy in learning what our yearslong Academy in learning what our hearts really love kind of getting down hearts really love kind of getting down hearts really love kind of getting down to the root of it and by God's grace to the root of it and by God's grace to the root of it and by God's grace teaching us to drawing our hearts more teaching us to drawing our hearts more teaching us to drawing our hearts more to him and to more to our children to to him and to more to our children to to him and to more to our children to the things that he loves because it can the things that he loves because it can the things that he loves because it can so quickly go from I love discipline so quickly go from I love discipline so quickly go from I love discipline because God tells us to discipline our because God tells us to discipline our because God tells us to discipline our children to I want people to think I'm a children to I want people to think I'm a children to I want people to think I'm a good disciplinarian and that is the good disciplinarian and that is the good disciplinarian and that is the guiding motivation um it it's so hard to

guiding motivation um it it's so hard to guiding motivation um it it's so hard to keep going back to why are we doing keep going back to why are we doing keep going back to why are we doing these things Emily how do you handle these things Emily how do you handle these things Emily how do you handle that or how did you when they were small that or how did you when they were small that or how did you when they were small um discipline or being embarrassed all um discipline or being embarrassed all um discipline or being embarrassed all discipline um like or or just parenting discipline um like or or just parenting discipline um like or or just parenting in front of other people parenting for I in front of other people parenting for I in front of other people parenting for I mean I feel like I always was like mean I feel like I always was like mean I feel like I always was like sweating and my heart was palpitating sweating and my heart was palpitating sweating and my heart was palpitating but I so we have one child who has um but I so we have one child who has um but I so we have one child who has um developmental delays disabilities and so developmental delays disabilities and so developmental delays disabilities and so I have been in some very very awkward I have been in some very very awkward I have been in some very very awkward situations with him I mean just carried situations with him I mean just carried situations with him I mean just carried a child out you know screaming and I do a child out you know screaming and I do a child out you know screaming and I do find that it's a good opportunity for me find that it's a good opportunity for me find that it's a good opportunity for me to bring my heart before the Lord and to bring my heart before the Lord and to bring my heart before the Lord and again like who do I answer to who knows again like who do I answer to who knows again like who do I answer to who knows me best who saw that situation and knows me best who saw that situation and knows me best who saw that situation and knows you know what was going on and honestly you know what was going on and honestly you know what was going on and honestly to walk forward knowing that it's not to walk forward knowing that it's not to walk forward knowing that it's not helpful for me to like Replay that helpful for me to like Replay that helpful for me to like Replay that situation over and over again there have situation over and over again there have situation over and over again there have been a couple times where I'm like what been a couple times where I'm like what been a couple times where I'm like what my child did I need to coach them to go my child did I need to coach them to go my child did I need to coach them to go back and like make that right but then back and like make that right but then back and like make that right but then we all need to move on and we need to we all need to move on and we need to we all need to move on and we need to move forward in faith and try not to move forward in faith and try not to move forward in faith and try not to live in shame for that you know so I've live in shame for that you know so I've live in shame for that you know so I've had to really coach myself through some had to really coach myself through some had to really coach myself through some of those embarrassing of those embarrassing of those embarrassing moments I think a big piece of this is moments I think a big piece of this is moments I think a big piece of this is that we tend to tie our our identity to that we tend to tie our our identity to that we tend to tie our our identity to their behavior it's like a direct their behavior it's like a direct their behavior it's like a direct reflection of am I a good mom or am I a reflection of am I a good mom or am I a reflection of am I a good mom or am I a bad mom when my kids obey I am a good bad mom when my kids obey I am a good bad mom when my kids obey I am a good mom and when they disobey or embarrass

mom and when they disobey or embarrass mom and when they disobey or embarrass me then I'm a bad mom and I didn't do a me then I'm a bad mom and I didn't do a me then I'm a bad mom and I didn't do a good enough job and I'm missing good enough job and I'm missing good enough job and I'm missing something and you know I too have a something and you know I too have a something and you know I too have a daughter with disabilities she's highly daughter with disabilities she's highly daughter with disabilities she's highly social she's highly active she's um just social she's highly active she's um just social she's highly active she's um just a big presence everywhere she goes and a big presence everywhere she goes and a big presence everywhere she goes and um I remember with my first two really um I remember with my first two really um I remember with my first two really feeling like um I was like a decent Mom feeling like um I was like a decent Mom feeling like um I was like a decent Mom they're pretty well behaved and they're they're pretty well behaved and they're they're pretty well behaved and they're gentle kids and um the Lord just really gentle kids and um the Lord just really gentle kids and um the Lord just really spoiled me I think and then I had my spoiled me I think and then I had my spoiled me I think and then I had my youngest and I realized like okay Yep youngest and I realized like okay Yep youngest and I realized like okay Yep this is this they are not a reflection this is this they are not a reflection this is this they are not a reflection of me you know like those those older of me you know like those those older of me you know like those those older kids like that's nothing good that I did kids like that's nothing good that I did kids like that's nothing good that I did because I'm parenting this I'm the same because I'm parenting this I'm the same because I'm parenting this I'm the same mom with this one and everything's going mom with this one and everything's going mom with this one and everything's going differently and I have been in so many differently and I have been in so many differently and I have been in so many situations where I'm just like you know situations where I'm just like you know situations where I'm just like you know like I'm as confused as as you dude at like I'm as confused as as you dude at like I'm as confused as as you dude at the checkout lane you like I don't know the checkout lane you like I don't know the checkout lane you like I don't know what to do you know what you want to try what to do you know what you want to try what to do you know what you want to try something here I don't know and and I something here I don't know and and I something here I don't know and and I think that that is it is a loss of think that that is it is a loss of think that that is it is a loss of yourself and it is a death to yourself yourself and it is a death to yourself yourself and it is a death to yourself and to just say like this child's and to just say like this child's and to just say like this child's behavior is not a reflection of like who behavior is not a reflection of like who behavior is not a reflection of like who I am as a mom and maybe yeah some I am as a mom and maybe yeah some I am as a mom and maybe yeah some discipline strategies need to be engaged discipline strategies need to be engaged discipline strategies need to be engaged and maybe yeah like there need to be and maybe yeah like there need to be and maybe yeah like there need to be more rules like every every kid is more rules like every every kid is more rules like every every kid is different but it has really taught me I different but it has really taught me I different but it has really taught me I think to have so much compassion for think to have so much compassion for think to have so much compassion for moms and that we don't know the story moms and that we don't know the story moms and that we don't know the story behind we don't know all the things that behind we don't know all the things that behind we don't know all the things that she's tried all the advice that she's she's tried all the advice that she's she's tried all the advice that she's gotten all the advice she hasn't gotten gotten all the advice she hasn't gotten gotten all the advice she hasn't gotten yet and maybe needs and different things yet and maybe needs and different things yet and maybe needs and different things like that and so I think as we think like that and so I think as we think like that and so I think as we think about our children it's only preparing about our children it's only preparing about our children it's only preparing us for as they become adults and they us for as they become adults and they us for as they become adults and they they make their own decisions and some they make their own decisions and some they make their own decisions and some of our kids like reality is not every

of our kids like reality is not every of our kids like reality is not every single child that is in related to this single child that is in related to this single child that is in related to this room is going to follow Jesus and do all room is going to follow Jesus and do all room is going to follow Jesus and do all the right things you know all of our the right things you know all of our the right things you know all of our kids are going to make mistakes they're kids are going to make mistakes they're kids are going to make mistakes they're going to fail and it can't be attached going to fail and it can't be attached going to fail and it can't be attached to our identity of who we are as a mom to our identity of who we are as a mom to our identity of who we are as a mom like all we can do is be faithful in the like all we can do is be faithful in the like all we can do is be faithful in the moment and all we can do is take the moment and all we can do is take the moment and all we can do is take the very next step and apply what we know very next step and apply what we know very next step and apply what we know what the what the gospel has shown us what the what the gospel has shown us what the what the gospel has shown us What the Lord Has Done in our lives and What the Lord Has Done in our lives and What the Lord Has Done in our lives and then leave the rest up to him you know then leave the rest up to him you know then leave the rest up to him you know and just say Open Hands Lord with my kid and just say Open Hands Lord with my kid and just say Open Hands Lord with my kid and I don't know I think it it ends up and I don't know I think it it ends up and I don't know I think it it ends up creating a lot of um like when you when creating a lot of um like when you when creating a lot of um like when you when you can just laugh along with it or sort you can just laugh along with it or sort you can just laugh along with it or sort of look a little confused with it I of look a little confused with it I of look a little confused with it I think with other people like they feel think with other people like they feel think with other people like they feel uncomfortable they feel weird but but uncomfortable they feel weird but but uncomfortable they feel weird but but I'm just like whatever I don't know like I'm just like whatever I don't know like I'm just like whatever I don't know like you just can't care like I I I used to you just can't care like I I I used to you just can't care like I I I used to think of it as humiliating and now I've think of it as humiliating and now I've think of it as humiliating and now I've just realized no like this is this is just realized no like this is this is just realized no like this is this is just life in the fall and like I'm just just life in the fall and like I'm just just life in the fall and like I'm just humbled and you know like this just us humbled and you know like this just us humbled and you know like this just us you know we're just like my daughter you know we're just like my daughter you know we're just like my daughter walks like this you know everywhere we walks like this you know everywhere we walks like this you know everywhere we go and she got this big huge walk and go and she got this big huge walk and go and she got this big huge walk and she we're just a lot but you just let it she we're just a lot but you just let it she we're just a lot but you just let it go well I like what you say about having go well I like what you say about having go well I like what you say about having mercy and compassion for other parents mercy and compassion for other parents mercy and compassion for other parents because it reminds me of the verse about because it reminds me of the verse about because it reminds me of the verse about with the measure you use what we measure with the measure you use what we measure with the measure you use what we measure to you and I when I'm having a lot of to you and I when I'm having a lot of to you and I when I'm having a lot of judgmental thoughts about other people's judgmental thoughts about other people's judgmental thoughts about other people's parenting I become very self-conscious parenting I become very self-conscious parenting I become very self-conscious because I assume they're having those because I assume they're having those because I assume they're having those same thoughts and maybe if I wasn't same thoughts and maybe if I wasn't same thoughts and maybe if I wasn't having those I wouldn't be quite self so having those I wouldn't be quite self so having those I wouldn't be quite self so self-conscious so as parents we have self-conscious so as parents we have self-conscious so as parents we have Tools in our tool belt but most of us Tools in our tool belt but most of us Tools in our tool belt but most of us have a couple that we reach for a lot have a couple that we reach for a lot have a couple that we reach for a lot Emily what do you think are some

Emily what do you think are some Emily what do you think are some underused tools maybe that tools that underused tools maybe that tools that underused tools maybe that tools that you underused or that you see other you underused or that you see other you underused or that you see other people that they might not think of this people that they might not think of this people that they might not think of this is something we can use yeah so I is something we can use yeah so I is something we can use yeah so I remember the first time I sat down with remember the first time I sat down with remember the first time I sat down with an older woman we had a baby at home and an older woman we had a baby at home and an older woman we had a baby at home and I said will you talk to me about I said will you talk to me about I said will you talk to me about discipline tell me everything that you discipline tell me everything that you discipline tell me everything that you know and she spent most of our time know and she spent most of our time know and she spent most of our time talking about a word that I'd never talking about a word that I'd never talking about a word that I'd never thought of related to discipline and thought of related to discipline and thought of related to discipline and that's training like the part that comes that's training like the part that comes that's training like the part that comes before they do the thing that's wrong before they do the thing that's wrong before they do the thing that's wrong and I thought that was so helpful and and I thought that was so helpful and and I thought that was so helpful and I've fallen back on that many many times I've fallen back on that many many times I've fallen back on that many many times over the years because I've realized over the years because I've realized over the years because I've realized like ooh if my child is failing to obey like ooh if my child is failing to obey like ooh if my child is failing to obey or meet the expectation here did I ever or meet the expectation here did I ever or meet the expectation here did I ever even teach them what to do cuz sometimes even teach them what to do cuz sometimes even teach them what to do cuz sometimes I would realize like I I never like told I would realize like I I never like told I would realize like I I never like told them where their shoes go and there's them where their shoes go and there's them where their shoes go and there's very obvious vious things that we as very obvious vious things that we as very obvious vious things that we as adults assume and it's like well this adults assume and it's like well this adults assume and it's like well this just makes sense because there's the just makes sense because there's the just makes sense because there's the shelf and of course you would put the shelf and of course you would put the shelf and of course you would put the shoes on the Shelf but I think sometimes shoes on the Shelf but I think sometimes shoes on the Shelf but I think sometimes you have to spell out to the 2-year-old you have to spell out to the 2-year-old you have to spell out to the 2-year-old look mommy's putting the shoes right look mommy's putting the shoes right look mommy's putting the shoes right here now you practice and I think here now you practice and I think here now you practice and I think practice was another thing that we did practice was another thing that we did practice was another thing that we did over and over again and practice in a over and over again and practice in a over and over again and practice in a situation where it's totally unnecessary situation where it's totally unnecessary situation where it's totally unnecessary um so we would play a game in our house um so we would play a game in our house um so we would play a game in our house when we had toddlers like a ton of when we had toddlers like a ton of when we had toddlers like a ton of toddlers at the same time just called toddlers at the same time just called toddlers at the same time just called come come come that was the that was the that was the game and the game was Daddy or mommy is game and the game was Daddy or mommy is game and the game was Daddy or mommy is going to go to another room and they're

going to go to another room and they're going to go to another room and they're going to say come to whoever and they going to say come to whoever and they going to say come to whoever and they would just run and then you get a big would just run and then you get a big would just run and then you get a big hug when you're there but we had to play hug when you're there but we had to play hug when you're there but we had to play that because I would be in public with that because I would be in public with that because I would be in public with twin toddlers and old and I did not have twin toddlers and old and I did not have twin toddlers and old and I did not have enough arms and I needed to be able to enough arms and I needed to be able to enough arms and I needed to be able to say come and hopefully they come at say come and hopefully they come at say come and hopefully they come at least they'd practice it you know um I least they'd practice it you know um I least they'd practice it you know um I think modeling is another one um this think modeling is another one um this think modeling is another one um this always felt so silly to me or awkward always felt so silly to me or awkward always felt so silly to me or awkward but sometimes I would tell them what but sometimes I would tell them what but sometimes I would tell them what they needed to say and then repeat it they needed to say and then repeat it they needed to say and then repeat it back to me and I found that with very back to me and I found that with very back to me and I found that with very little kids that was effective so like little kids that was effective so like little kids that was effective so like my 10-year-old would be like you know my 10-year-old would be like you know my 10-year-old would be like you know but with a a 2-year-old if they you hand but with a a 2-year-old if they you hand but with a a 2-year-old if they you hand them food and they go H yuck and you go them food and they go H yuck and you go them food and they go H yuck and you go oh no you say thank you Mommy for the oh no you say thank you Mommy for the oh no you say thank you Mommy for the yummy food and then they say it back to yummy food and then they say it back to yummy food and then they say it back to you and it's funny cuz now my oldest you and it's funny cuz now my oldest you and it's funny cuz now my oldest kids will still sometimes just thank you kids will still sometimes just thank you kids will still sometimes just thank you Mommy for the yummy food and I'm like I Mommy for the yummy food and I'm like I Mommy for the yummy food and I'm like I didn't mean for that to be burnt into didn't mean for that to be burnt into didn't mean for that to be burnt into your brain forever but it worked um so your brain forever but it worked um so your brain forever but it worked um so there's I think some things like that there's I think some things like that there's I think some things like that but something I learned later on that I but something I learned later on that I but something I learned later on that I wish I would have known earlier is just wish I would have known earlier is just wish I would have known earlier is just how important um like nervous system how important um like nervous system how important um like nervous system regulation is for children especially regulation is for children especially regulation is for children especially again with our child that had um some again with our child that had um some again with our child that had um some disabilities I found that a lot of disabilities I found that a lot of disabilities I found that a lot of traditional Tech techniques did not work traditional Tech techniques did not work traditional Tech techniques did not work with him and what was really important with him and what was really important with him and what was really important was creating um routines creating was creating um routines creating was creating um routines creating predictability trying to make sure you

predictability trying to make sure you predictability trying to make sure you know he felt as safe and secure and know he felt as safe and secure and know he felt as safe and secure and stable as possible so that we could do stable as possible so that we could do stable as possible so that we could do preventative things or when there is a preventative things or when there is a preventative things or when there is a meltdown or tantrum happening saying we meltdown or tantrum happening saying we meltdown or tantrum happening saying we need to calm down I'm going to be here need to calm down I'm going to be here need to calm down I'm going to be here with you as we calm down and then with you as we calm down and then with you as we calm down and then there's going to be conversations after there's going to be conversations after there's going to be conversations after that there might be consequences after that there might be consequences after that there might be consequences after that but I just look back to those that but I just look back to those that but I just look back to those little years when I was not thinking little years when I was not thinking little years when I was not thinking about that and I'm trying to reason with about that and I'm trying to reason with about that and I'm trying to reason with them when you know you know how they get them when you know you know how they get them when you know you know how they get and they're totally out of their minds and they're totally out of their minds and they're totally out of their minds and you're talking to them but they are and you're talking to them but they are and you're talking to them but they are not hearing you and just to realize like not hearing you and just to realize like not hearing you and just to realize like hey making sure they're getting food on hey making sure they're getting food on hey making sure they're getting food on a regular basis and sleep and that a regular basis and sleep and that a regular basis and sleep and that you're creating that routine it really you're creating that routine it really you're creating that routine it really does impact their behavior and so I does impact their behavior and so I does impact their behavior and so I think being as proactive as possible was think being as proactive as possible was think being as proactive as possible was really helpful to me other underutilized tools those were amazing I love that you tools those were amazing I love that you played come with your kids that's just played come with your kids that's just played come with your kids that's just the best thing I heard today I I wonder the best thing I heard today I I wonder the best thing I heard today I I wonder if I can talk my teenagers into if I can talk my teenagers into if I can talk my teenagers into trying send them all a text come come trying send them all a text come come trying send them all a text come come home we we've been working on come to home we we've been working on come to home we we've been working on come to Mama with my 2-year-old and you know Mama with my 2-year-old and you know Mama with my 2-year-old and you know there's always the time that they don't there's always the time that they don't there's always the time that they don't come and he said I'm backing up I'm come and he said I'm backing up I'm come and he said I'm backing up I'm backing up beep beep beep that is so backing up beep beep beep that is so backing up beep beep beep that is so cute cute cute though though though okay we just have a few minutes left and okay we just have a few minutes left and okay we just have a few minutes left and I would like for each of you we'll start I would like for each of you we'll start I would like for each of you we'll start with Lara and go down the rad what is with Lara and go down the rad what is with Lara and go down the rad what is just one thing you want to tell to the

just one thing you want to tell to the just one thing you want to tell to the moms who are moms who are moms who are listening yeah I would say that I would listening yeah I would say that I would listening yeah I would say that I would love for all of you to take the pressure love for all of you to take the pressure love for all of you to take the pressure off a little bit and to lighten up and off a little bit and to lighten up and off a little bit and to lighten up and what I mean by that is that I think that what I mean by that is that I think that what I mean by that is that I think that especially when you are a mom with especially when you are a mom with especially when you are a mom with little kids at home it's this whole new little kids at home it's this whole new little kids at home it's this whole new world that has opened up and there's all world that has opened up and there's all world that has opened up and there's all these opportunities and there's these these opportunities and there's these these opportunities and there's these ways to um develop your child ways to um develop your child ways to um develop your child spiritually and physically and mentally spiritually and physically and mentally spiritually and physically and mentally and you know there's it's just this and you know there's it's just this and you know there's it's just this really fun wild research phase it's a really fun wild research phase it's a really fun wild research phase it's a season where um there's just there's not season where um there's just there's not season where um there's just there's not an end to the learning that you can do an end to the learning that you can do an end to the learning that you can do and the ways that you can apply yourself and the ways that you can apply yourself and the ways that you can apply yourself and the ways that you can cultivate your and the ways that you can cultivate your and the ways that you can cultivate your children um but I think as I look back children um but I think as I look back children um but I think as I look back on those years I think that like I on those years I think that like I on those years I think that like I really wanted to make I felt like I I really wanted to make I felt like I I really wanted to make I felt like I I almost over maximized those years and I almost over maximized those years and I almost over maximized those years and I wish I would have like laid laid back a wish I would have like laid laid back a wish I would have like laid laid back a little bit and just enjoyed my children little bit and just enjoyed my children little bit and just enjoyed my children you do not have to have a three-year-old you do not have to have a three-year-old you do not have to have a three-year-old Theologian they don't have to be Theologian they don't have to be Theologian they don't have to be spitting out tons and tons of chapters spitting out tons and tons of chapters spitting out tons and tons of chapters and chapters of the Bible and have all and chapters of the Bible and have all and chapters of the Bible and have all the scripture Memory um that's nice but the scripture Memory um that's nice but the scripture Memory um that's nice but that's not required that's not salvific that's not required that's not salvific that's not required that's not salvific it's not something that is going to it's not something that is going to it's not something that is going to determine what happens in the future determine what happens in the future determine what happens in the future with your child and yes there are some with your child and yes there are some with your child and yes there are some great foundational things that you can great foundational things that you can great foundational things that you can begin working on with your kiddos but my begin working on with your kiddos but my begin working on with your kiddos but my gu is that most of you that come to gu is that most of you that come to gu is that most of you that come to things like this that care about your things like this that care about your things like this that care about your children and want to grow in motherhood children and want to grow in motherhood children and want to grow in motherhood with them like you're with them like you're with them like you're probably really excited and intense probably really excited and intense probably really excited and intense about it you know I was intense so I

about it you know I was intense so I about it you know I was intense so I feel like I can say that but um I just feel like I can say that but um I just feel like I can say that but um I just want to just say take some of the want to just say take some of the want to just say take some of the pressure off and enjoy your children and pressure off and enjoy your children and pressure off and enjoy your children and don't feel like these little years are don't feel like these little years are don't feel like these little years are all you have you know we say 18 Summers all you have you know we say 18 Summers all you have you know we say 18 Summers but it's also like 18 Summers you know but it's also like 18 Summers you know but it's also like 18 Summers you know you have time with them and and make you have time with them and and make you have time with them and and make sure to space that out um in appropriate sure to space that out um in appropriate sure to space that out um in appropriate way so that you're not overd doing it in way so that you're not overd doing it in way so that you're not overd doing it in the little years Ginger the little years Ginger the little years Ginger quickly I love what Laura said about um quickly I love what Laura said about um quickly I love what Laura said about um earlier about our identity and um our earlier about our identity and um our earlier about our identity and um our hope is in the lord it's not in our hope is in the lord it's not in our hope is in the lord it's not in our parenting we're called to obey the Lord parenting we're called to obey the Lord parenting we're called to obey the Lord to love our children well we're not to love our children well we're not to love our children well we're not called to have perfect children um what called to have perfect children um what called to have perfect children um what we're doing matters for eternity and we're doing matters for eternity and we're doing matters for eternity and don't forget to laugh because there's so don't forget to laugh because there's so don't forget to laugh because there's so many funny many funny many funny things okay I would just say don't give things okay I would just say don't give things okay I would just say don't give up all the hard work that you're doing up all the hard work that you're doing up all the hard work that you're doing is going to pay off off and you may not is going to pay off off and you may not is going to pay off off and you may not see it until later but do not give see it until later but do not give see it until later but do not give up well thank you so much thank you all up well thank you so much thank you all up well thank you so much thank you all for listening and we will commit our for listening and we will commit our for listening and we will commit our children to children to children to God we hope you enjoyed this video who's God we hope you enjoyed this video who's God we hope you enjoyed this video who's someone you know that would also be someone you know that would also be someone you know that would also be encouraged by it you should send this to encouraged by it you should send this to encouraged by it you should send this to them the Gospel Coalition provides them the Gospel Coalition provides them the Gospel Coalition provides trusted timely gospel centered resources trusted timely gospel centered resources trusted timely gospel centered resources to help each of us in our ministry and to help each of us in our ministry and to help each of us in our ministry and life join in that mission and share this life join in that mission and share this life join in that mission and share this video with a friend video with a friend video with a friend [Music]