Helping Your Kids Hope in Jesus While You Have Cancer - Colleen Chao

So, So, as we talk about suffering and you you as we talk about suffering and you you as we talk about suffering and you you talked about how how old was your son talked about how how old was your son talked about how how old was your son when I don't know if you want us to say when I don't know if you want us to say when I don't know if you want us to say his name so I'm being careful but how his name so I'm being careful but how his name so I'm being careful but how old old old >> Jeremy. I know his name. I just didn't >> Jeremy. I know his name. I just didn't >> Jeremy. I know his name. I just didn't want to say it. want to say it. want to say it. >> You're fine. How old remind me how old >> You're fine. How old remind me how old >> You're fine. How old remind me how old was Jeremy when you were diagnosed? was Jeremy when you were diagnosed? was Jeremy when you were diagnosed? Nine? Is that what you said? Nine? Is that what you said? Nine? Is that what you said? >> Um the so the first time he was six and >> Um the so the first time he was six and >> Um the so the first time he was six and then with terminal diagnosis he was nine then with terminal diagnosis he was nine then with terminal diagnosis he was nine almost 10. He was just about 10. almost 10. He was just about 10. almost 10. He was just about 10. >> So, yeah. >> So, yeah. >> So, yeah. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. Well, how how have you I guess the first Well, how how have you I guess the first Well, how how have you I guess the first question is just how do you talk with question is just how do you talk with question is just how do you talk with him about it and how do you help him him about it and how do you help him him about it and how do you help him understand and how is how is he doing? understand and how is how is he doing? understand and how is how is he doing? We're going to ask how we can pray for We're going to ask how we can pray for We're going to ask how we can pray for your family later but but yeah, how how your family later but but yeah, how how your family later but but yeah, how how do you even enter into that conversation do you even enter into that conversation do you even enter into that conversation with a 6-year-old, 9-year-old and now with a 6-year-old, 9-year-old and now with a 6-year-old, 9-year-old and now 14-year-old? 14-year-old? 14-year-old? >> You know, one thing that struck me so >> You know, one thing that struck me so >> You know, one thing that struck me so hard at the very beginning and I will hard at the very beginning and I will hard at the very beginning and I will never be able to put into words the never be able to put into words the never be able to put into words the grief of watching that almost grief of watching that almost grief of watching that almost 10-year-old process when I first shared 10-year-old process when I first shared 10-year-old process when I first shared with him. It was with him. It was with him. It was you know, it's what I've thought and I'm you know, it's what I've thought and I'm you know, it's what I've thought and I'm kind of going on a tangent here but it's kind of going on a tangent here but it's kind of going on a tangent here but it's one thing one thing one thing I cannot imagine the grief of losing a I cannot imagine the grief of losing a I cannot imagine the grief of losing a child. It's It's the worst grief and child. It's It's the worst grief and child. It's It's the worst grief and under the sun, right? That none of us under the sun, right? That none of us under the sun, right? That none of us wants to experience.

wants to experience. wants to experience. But part of me thinks then I get to But part of me thinks then I get to But part of me thinks then I get to carry the grief. carry the grief. carry the grief. And there's something knowing that my And there's something knowing that my And there's something knowing that my son has to carry grief. son has to carry grief. son has to carry grief. Um and so Um and so Um and so neither is or I'm not comparing. I'm neither is or I'm not comparing. I'm neither is or I'm not comparing. I'm just saying as a mama just saying as a mama just saying as a mama um I want to carry the grief. I don't um I want to carry the grief. I don't um I want to carry the grief. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to go want to lose him. I don't want to go want to lose him. I don't want to go through that. That's the worst I can through that. That's the worst I can through that. That's the worst I can even imagine but I even imagine but I even imagine but I I don't want him to go through this and I don't want him to go through this and I don't want him to go through this and we're so close. So, we're so close. So, we're so close. So, at the beginning I I just had I had at the beginning I I just had I had at the beginning I I just had I had migraines. My heart pounded out of my migraines. My heart pounded out of my migraines. My heart pounded out of my chest just trying to figure out how to chest just trying to figure out how to chest just trying to figure out how to even process this kind of grief and even process this kind of grief and even process this kind of grief and I remember he would just tuck into bed I remember he would just tuck into bed I remember he would just tuck into bed next to me night after night and just next to me night after night and just next to me night after night and just cry and cry and cry and those were they became sacred because I those were they became sacred because I those were they became sacred because I again I felt God's again I felt God's again I felt God's the shadow of his wings, and they were the shadow of his wings, and they were the shadow of his wings, and they were the most holy the most holy the most holy parenting moments parenting moments parenting moments because I got to because I got to because I got to make make make um um um connections for him that I wouldn't connections for him that I wouldn't connections for him that I wouldn't otherwise. We had talked about eternity otherwise. We had talked about eternity otherwise. We had talked about eternity through chronic illness um through chronic illness um through chronic illness um and his suffering and his suffering and his suffering I we'd been been able to have those I we'd been been able to have those I we'd been been able to have those conversations about eternity, but conversations about eternity, but conversations about eternity, but suddenly suddenly suddenly um his grief and mine, my husband's um his grief and mine, my husband's um his grief and mine, my husband's those parenting moments, it's like those parenting moments, it's like those parenting moments, it's like everything that's important and sacred everything that's important and sacred everything that's important and sacred were in those moments. Um and so I was were in those moments. Um and so I was were in those moments. Um and so I was getting to I'll go back to that

getting to I'll go back to that getting to I'll go back to that tethering, tether him to Jesus, and I I tethering, tether him to Jesus, and I I tethering, tether him to Jesus, and I I got to talk to him about what's really got to talk to him about what's really got to talk to him about what's really real, right? And it's so real, right? And it's so real, right? And it's so it's so tangible when when we're walking it's so tangible when when we're walking it's so tangible when when we're walking through this. And so there were some through this. And so there were some through this. And so there were some holy that's all I can describe is Jesus holy that's all I can describe is Jesus holy that's all I can describe is Jesus was there with us was there with us was there with us guiding us in our parenting um and guiding us in our parenting um and guiding us in our parenting um and meeting us in those unthinkable spaces. meeting us in those unthinkable spaces. meeting us in those unthinkable spaces. And now it's just incredible to have him And now it's just incredible to have him And now it's just incredible to have him in his teens in his teens in his teens and to see the wisdom God has worked in and to see the wisdom God has worked in and to see the wisdom God has worked in his heart because his world lies on the his heart because his world lies on the his heart because his world lies on the edge of eternity. Like this is so real edge of eternity. Like this is so real edge of eternity. Like this is so real to him. to him. to him. And of course he's messy and broken like And of course he's messy and broken like And of course he's messy and broken like all of us. He all of us. He all of us. He It's not like he has It's not like he has It's not like he has some corner on the market of this, but some corner on the market of this, but some corner on the market of this, but he's there is a wisdom he's there is a wisdom he's there is a wisdom in him, and he says things insights in him, and he says things insights in him, and he says things insights where I go whoa. where I go whoa. where I go whoa. Um and we were raw and we're real, and I Um and we were raw and we're real, and I Um and we were raw and we're real, and I told him early on you can ask anything.

told him early on you can ask anything. told him early on you can ask anything. You can say anything. You can say anything. You can say anything. Um you can feel all the things, and Um you can feel all the things, and Um you can feel all the things, and we're going to give you people to we're going to give you people to we're going to give you people to surround you where you can process it, surround you where you can process it, surround you where you can process it, all the, you know, all the, you know, all the, you know, um um um but truly it's been a holy and very hard but truly it's been a holy and very hard but truly it's been a holy and very hard parenting journey. parenting journey. parenting journey. >> Yeah, I can't I just can't imagine. I am >> Yeah, I can't I just can't imagine. I am >> Yeah, I can't I just can't imagine. I am we're going to put a link to the video we're going to put a link to the video we're going to put a link to the video that I think Revive Our Hearts captured that I think Revive Our Hearts captured that I think Revive Our Hearts captured um in the show notes and and it's just a um in the show notes and and it's just a um in the show notes and and it's just a beautiful video. I've watched it beautiful video. I've watched it beautiful video. I've watched it probably more times than I should have probably more times than I should have probably more times than I should have because it's just because it's just because it's just it's just so beautiful and and hard. Um it's just so beautiful and and hard. Um it's just so beautiful and and hard. Um but you you get to see I think the two but you you get to see I think the two but you you get to see I think the two of you singing hymns together is the of you singing hymns together is the of you singing hymns together is the part that just it's just you're just part that just it's just you're just part that just it's just you're just giving him this because it's not just giving him this because it's not just giving him this because it's not just your story, is it? It's your story, is it? It's your story, is it? It's >> I know. >> I know. >> I know. >> That's you know, we've had to talk to >> That's you know, we've had to talk to >> That's you know, we've had to talk to our kids about that in in much easier our kids about that in in much easier our kids about that in in much easier circumstances but that you know, the circumstances but that you know, the circumstances but that you know, the Lord it's not just one person's story Lord it's not just one person's story Lord it's not just one person's story he's writing. He's writing He's writing he's writing. He's writing He's writing he's writing. He's writing He's writing everybody's story in this and and this everybody's story in this and and this everybody's story in this and and this is Jeremy's story. Well, we talked at is Jeremy's story. Well, we talked at is Jeremy's story. Well, we talked at the beginning about this idea of the beginning about this idea of the beginning about this idea of trusting God with your very life, trusting God with your very life, trusting God with your very life, trusting him with all of who you are.

trusting him with all of who you are. trusting him with all of who you are. But I think for any of us that are But I think for any of us that are But I think for any of us that are parents, um this idea of trusting him parents, um this idea of trusting him parents, um this idea of trusting him with our children's lives with our children's lives with our children's lives is even more daunting. Um I think for I is even more daunting. Um I think for I is even more daunting. Um I think for I think for most of us and so think for most of us and so think for most of us and so it's not just terminal cancer that has it's not just terminal cancer that has it's not just terminal cancer that has to require us to trust the Lord with our to require us to trust the Lord with our to require us to trust the Lord with our children and the story he's writing for children and the story he's writing for children and the story he's writing for them and the way he's working in them. them and the way he's working in them. them and the way he's working in them. So So what would What have you learned So So what would What have you learned So So what would What have you learned in doing this because you're doing it. in doing this because you're doing it. in doing this because you're doing it. You're actively doing it even though it You're actively doing it even though it You're actively doing it even though it has to be has to be has to be one of the hardest parts of this. So one of the hardest parts of this. So one of the hardest parts of this. So what what do you do? How can we do this what what do you do? How can we do this what what do you do? How can we do this too? Because it's hard and mine are too? Because it's hard and mine are too? Because it's hard and mine are adults and now I've got the, you know, adults and now I've got the, you know, adults and now I've got the, you know, the grandchildren that I have to trust the grandchildren that I have to trust the grandchildren that I have to trust them with because now it's a whole them with because now it's a whole them with because now it's a whole 'nother generation that I'm like now I'm 'nother generation that I'm like now I'm 'nother generation that I'm like now I'm stressed out about them, you know? stressed out about them, you know? stressed out about them, you know? Oh. Oh. Oh. >> You're multiplying. You're multiplying. >> You're multiplying. You're multiplying. >> You're multiplying. You're multiplying. >> Yes, exactly. Exactly. Oh my word, yes, >> Yes, exactly. Exactly. Oh my word, yes, >> Yes, exactly. Exactly. Oh my word, yes, exactly. exactly. exactly. >> Oh, I don't >> Oh, I don't >> Oh, I don't >> have great answers to be honest. I It is >> have great answers to be honest. I It is >> have great answers to be honest. I It is a It It goes back to that clinging and a It It goes back to that clinging and a It It goes back to that clinging and just continuing just continuing just continuing to This might be a terrible analogy, but to This might be a terrible analogy, but to This might be a terrible analogy, but just continuing to put Isaac on the just continuing to put Isaac on the just continuing to put Isaac on the altar.

altar. altar. Um and to say, "God, you will provide. Um and to say, "God, you will provide. Um and to say, "God, you will provide. You will provide. And you will do them You will provide. And you will do them You will provide. And you will do them good. What I know about your character good. What I know about your character good. What I know about your character is going to hold fast." is going to hold fast." is going to hold fast." And so, um again, being able to pour out And so, um again, being able to pour out And so, um again, being able to pour out my heart, it is the hardest part of this my heart, it is the hardest part of this my heart, it is the hardest part of this journey. journey. journey. Bar none. Because he's not Bar none. Because he's not Bar none. Because he's not You know, it's like your It's your kid. You know, it's like your It's your kid. You know, it's like your It's your kid. It's your kid. And so, It's your kid. And so, It's your kid. And so, um of course, my husband. Of course. But um of course, my husband. Of course. But um of course, my husband. Of course. But it's There's that mama's factor, right? it's There's that mama's factor, right? it's There's that mama's factor, right? >> Well, and he's an adult. And there's a >> Well, and he's an adult. And there's a >> Well, and he's an adult. And there's a different It's a different thing. No, I different It's a different thing. No, I different It's a different thing. No, I I think all of us feel that, you know. I think all of us feel that, you know. I think all of us feel that, you know. Yes. Yes. Yes. >> And even, you know, scripture has a >> And even, you know, scripture has a >> And even, you know, scripture has a couple of different verses where it says couple of different verses where it says couple of different verses where it says It talks about grief. And to make its It talks about grief. And to make its It talks about grief. And to make its point strong enough, it talks about a point strong enough, it talks about a point strong enough, it talks about a son losing its his mother. son losing its his mother. son losing its his mother. And I just find that fascinating. That And I just find that fascinating. That And I just find that fascinating. That that is the biblical example of what that is the biblical example of what that is the biblical example of what grief, you know, that Anyway, it's grief, you know, that Anyway, it's grief, you know, that Anyway, it's So, just being able to say, "God, I You So, just being able to say, "God, I You So, just being able to say, "God, I You have have have proven yourself to me through so many proven yourself to me through so many proven yourself to me through so many things over so many years.

things over so many years. things over so many years. I'm banking on that for my son. I'm banking on that for my son. I'm banking on that for my son. And I'm not going to be ashamed of what And I'm not going to be ashamed of what And I'm not going to be ashamed of what I'm feeling, either. I'm feeling, either. I'm feeling, either. And to be okay with just mourning. And And to be okay with just mourning. And And to be okay with just mourning. And I'm so encouraged by Jesus's response to I'm so encouraged by Jesus's response to I'm so encouraged by Jesus's response to death in scripture. I think of death in scripture. I think of death in scripture. I think of Psalm 18. There is almost this Psalm 18. There is almost this Psalm 18. There is almost this dragon-like response that he has when dragon-like response that he has when dragon-like response that he has when David is facing death. David is facing death. David is facing death. I mean, he he's It's snorting out his I mean, he he's It's snorting out his I mean, he he's It's snorting out his nostrils and it's nostrils and it's nostrils and it's flames that are being thrown from him flames that are being thrown from him flames that are being thrown from him because he comes down to make it right. because he comes down to make it right. because he comes down to make it right. And then we see that same picture in And then we see that same picture in And then we see that same picture in John 11 with Lazarus. Jesus, you would John 11 with Lazarus. Jesus, you would John 11 with Lazarus. Jesus, you would know the embermaomai, I think is the know the embermaomai, I think is the know the embermaomai, I think is the Greek word, but it's that snorting with Greek word, but it's that snorting with Greek word, but it's that snorting with anger. anger. anger. Because Jesus is he hates death more Because Jesus is he hates death more Because Jesus is he hates death more than any of us do and he came to break than any of us do and he came to break than any of us do and he came to break its neck and to make it right. And its neck and to make it right. And its neck and to make it right. And before he raises Lazarus, he's crying before he raises Lazarus, he's crying before he raises Lazarus, he's crying and he's feeling. He doesn't say, "It's and he's feeling. He doesn't say, "It's and he's feeling. He doesn't say, "It's going to be okay.

going to be okay. going to be okay. It just a few minutes, it's all going to It just a few minutes, it's all going to It just a few minutes, it's all going to be okay." He joins us in the emotions. be okay." He joins us in the emotions. be okay." He joins us in the emotions. And that has been a comfort to my mom's And that has been a comfort to my mom's And that has been a comfort to my mom's heart is he joins me in those emotions. heart is he joins me in those emotions. heart is he joins me in those emotions. He joins Jeremy. He joins Eddie He joins Jeremy. He joins Eddie He joins Jeremy. He joins Eddie in our in our in our raw mourning and lamenting. Um but he raw mourning and lamenting. Um but he raw mourning and lamenting. Um but he doesn't leave us there. doesn't leave us there. doesn't leave us there. And then he brings scripture that And then he brings scripture that And then he brings scripture that promise really big great things, right? promise really big great things, right? promise really big great things, right? And he's saying "Really soon this is And he's saying "Really soon this is And he's saying "Really soon this is going to be over. Really soon all of you going to be over. Really soon all of you going to be over. Really soon all of you are going to be with me and this will are going to be with me and this will are going to be with me and this will all make sense. all make sense. all make sense. And there is an eternal incomparable And there is an eternal incomparable And there is an eternal incomparable weight of glory at stake here. And so we weight of glory at stake here. And so we weight of glory at stake here. And so we can say this is light and momentary. It can say this is light and momentary. It can say this is light and momentary. It doesn't feel like it, but in comparison doesn't feel like it, but in comparison doesn't feel like it, but in comparison >> No, it doesn't. >> No, it doesn't. >> No, it doesn't. >> in comparison >> in comparison >> in comparison >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> we can bank on the fact that someday >> we can bank on the fact that someday >> we can bank on the fact that someday this will make sense what was at stake. this will make sense what was at stake. this will make sense what was at stake. And he is going to outgive us And he is going to outgive us And he is going to outgive us more than we can fathom for whatever we more than we can fathom for whatever we more than we can fathom for whatever we lose here, right? If you give up homes lose here, right? If you give up homes lose here, right? If you give up homes and fields and parents and children, he and fields and parents and children, he and fields and parents and children, he will give a hundred times over in this will give a hundred times over in this will give a hundred times over in this life and the next. And so we bank on life and the next. And so we bank on life and the next. And so we bank on that.

that. that. >> We do bank on it and I just keep saying >> We do bank on it and I just keep saying >> We do bank on it and I just keep saying this, but this, but this, but thank you that you are thank you that you are thank you that you are showing us and teaching us how to showing us and teaching us how to showing us and teaching us how to actually do it because it's it can just actually do it because it's it can just actually do it because it's it can just be words and then it's like oh no, be words and then it's like oh no, be words and then it's like oh no, you're actually you're actually you're actually you actually are clinging to these true you actually are clinging to these true you actually are clinging to these true truths truths truths that that are true but it's that that are true but it's that that are true but it's it's hard to live in light of that it's hard to live in light of that it's hard to live in light of that sometimes and and and then look at all sometimes and and and then look at all sometimes and and and then look at all the lesser things that we have trouble the lesser things that we have trouble the lesser things that we have trouble trusting our kids with and so it's this trusting our kids with and so it's this trusting our kids with and so it's this it's this absolutely it's this absolutely it's this absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely you do. I mean that of course you do. Of you do. I mean that of course you do. Of you do. I mean that of course you do. Of course you do. I mean that's because course you do. I mean that's because course you do. I mean that's because yeah, because that's just how we are and yeah, because that's just how we are and yeah, because that's just how we are and it's just you know, trust that it didn't it's just you know, trust that it didn't it's just you know, trust that it didn't get the invitation to the birthday party get the invitation to the birthday party get the invitation to the birthday party or make the select team like it's all or make the select team like it's all or make the select team like it's all going to still be okay, but I mean you going to still be okay, but I mean you going to still be okay, but I mean you know, it just you start thinking about know, it just you start thinking about know, it just you start thinking about those things in light of those things in light of those things in light of the bigger issues, the darker shadows.