What Biblical Friendship Actually Looks Like

What should we think of when we think of What should we think of when we think of gospel friendship? What does it look gospel friendship? What does it look gospel friendship? What does it look like to have a gospel friend? You know, like to have a gospel friend? You know, like to have a gospel friend? You know, because I I I think there's this notion because I I I think there's this notion because I I I think there's this notion of I have my best friend and it's almost of I have my best friend and it's almost of I have my best friend and it's almost possessive like this is my person. Um, possessive like this is my person. Um, possessive like this is my person. Um, and we talk about it sometimes that way, and we talk about it sometimes that way, and we talk about it sometimes that way, whereas what's what's a little bit whereas what's what's a little bit whereas what's what's a little bit different about thinking about different about thinking about different about thinking about friendship in terms of gospel friendship in terms of gospel friendship in terms of gospel centeredness? I think that's such an centeredness? I think that's such an centeredness? I think that's such an important question because that's really important question because that's really important question because that's really getting to we don't want to idolize getting to we don't want to idolize getting to we don't want to idolize friendship and what we think it should friendship and what we think it should friendship and what we think it should be in this perfect picture and so what be in this perfect picture and so what be in this perfect picture and so what is the real picture of friendship as God is the real picture of friendship as God is the real picture of friendship as God has designed it in this time where we has designed it in this time where we has designed it in this time where we live where we live with sin and I think live where we live with sin and I think live where we live with sin and I think that that the gospel gives us itself that that the gospel gives us itself that that the gospel gives us itself gives us a picture of what gospel gives us a picture of what gospel gives us a picture of what gospel friendship is that it's a relationship friendship is that it's a relationship friendship is that it's a relationship where we tell each other the truth you where we tell each other the truth you where we tell each other the truth you know that sometimes we have to confront know that sometimes we have to confront know that sometimes we have to confront friends we have to be confronted we we friends we have to be confronted we we friends we have to be confronted we we rub up against people who also are rub up against people who also are rub up against people who also are sinners and so there's going to be sinners and so there's going to be sinners and so there's going to be conflict a lot of times we don't leave conflict a lot of times we don't leave conflict a lot of times we don't leave room for that in our idea of what room for that in our idea of what room for that in our idea of what friendship should be and so we run away friendship should be and so we run away friendship should be and so we run away when things are hard um and also when things are hard um and also when things are hard um and also forgiveness is a part of the gospel that forgiveness is a part of the gospel that forgiveness is a part of the gospel that God extends himself toward us and he God extends himself toward us and he God extends himself toward us and he extends his mercy toward us and so we extends his mercy toward us and so we extends his mercy toward us and so we need to be ready to do that for other need to be ready to do that for other need to be ready to do that for other people and sometimes it's when they come people and sometimes it's when they come people and sometimes it's when they come to us with something but sometimes it's to us with something but sometimes it's to us with something but sometimes it's just bearing with them and who they are just bearing with them and who they are just bearing with them and who they are that they are sinners ers and we're that they are sinners ers and we're that they are sinners ers and we're going to be willing to continue to going to be willing to continue to going to be willing to continue to engage in that way. So, I think those engage in that way. So, I think those engage in that way. So, I think those are the kind of main components that are the kind of main components that are the kind of main components that come to mind for me. What about y'all?

come to mind for me. What about y'all? come to mind for me. What about y'all? >> Well, I remember reading a book in the >> Well, I remember reading a book in the >> Well, I remember reading a book in the '9s by D. Breston called The Friendships '9s by D. Breston called The Friendships '9s by D. Breston called The Friendships of Women. And there's a line, and I'll of Women. And there's a line, and I'll of Women. And there's a line, and I'll probably kind of botch it a little bit, probably kind of botch it a little bit, probably kind of botch it a little bit, but but she it's it's stuck with me in but but she it's it's stuck with me in but but she it's it's stuck with me in so many different relationships, but she so many different relationships, but she so many different relationships, but she said, "It is theologically sound to said, "It is theologically sound to said, "It is theologically sound to expect your friends to fail you." And expect your friends to fail you." And expect your friends to fail you." And then she quoted, "For all have sinned then she quoted, "For all have sinned then she quoted, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." She and fall short of the glory of God." She and fall short of the glory of God." She said, "So, as a gospel friend, what you said, "So, as a gospel friend, what you said, "So, as a gospel friend, what you want to do is decide on the front end want to do is decide on the front end want to do is decide on the front end what your response is going to be. And a what your response is going to be. And a what your response is going to be. And a gospel- centered friend, the response is gospel- centered friend, the response is gospel- centered friend, the response is going to be to forgive, to bear with, to going to be to forgive, to bear with, to going to be to forgive, to bear with, to to persevere um when our friends fail to persevere um when our friends fail to persevere um when our friends fail us, frustrate us, and because we want us, frustrate us, and because we want us, frustrate us, and because we want them to do the same." them to do the same." them to do the same." >> That's right. That's what I was going to >> That's right. That's what I was going to >> That's right. That's what I was going to say is we also have to remember that we say is we also have to remember that we say is we also have to remember that we are sinners and we bring that into our are sinners and we bring that into our are sinners and we bring that into our relationships as well. relationships as well. relationships as well. >> Yes. Mhm. >> Yes. Mhm. >> Yes. Mhm. >> Well, and I think this idea of having >> Well, and I think this idea of having >> Well, and I think this idea of having friendships that are not just we we friendships that are not just we we friendships that are not just we we think about our Christian friends, think about our Christian friends, think about our Christian friends, right? Friendships with Christian women, right? Friendships with Christian women, right? Friendships with Christian women, but I have had friendships with but I have had friendships with but I have had friendships with Christian women that are not necessarily Christian women that are not necessarily Christian women that are not necessarily gospel- centered friendships. They don't gospel- centered friendships. They don't gospel- centered friendships. They don't look any different than my friendships look any different than my friendships look any different than my friendships with non-Christian women. They're based with non-Christian women. They're based with non-Christian women. They're based on, you know, just I don't know, just on, you know, just I don't know, just on, you know, just I don't know, just the things we're doing together. And we the things we're doing together. And we the things we're doing together. And we don't ever, it's what you said, don't ever, it's what you said, don't ever, it's what you said, Christine, we don't ever speak truth to Christine, we don't ever speak truth to Christine, we don't ever speak truth to each other. And so how can how can we each other. And so how can how can we each other. And so how can how can we really understand like the role of really understand like the role of really understand like the role of friendship and the goal of friendship friendship and the goal of friendship friendship and the goal of friendship from a biblical perspective and even from a biblical perspective and even from a biblical perspective and even looking at Jesus and how does his life looking at Jesus and how does his life looking at Jesus and how does his life give us like a glimpse into what the give us like a glimpse into what the give us like a glimpse into what the Lord intends for us as embodied

Lord intends for us as embodied Lord intends for us as embodied creatures as embodied people as we walk creatures as embodied people as we walk creatures as embodied people as we walk this life. Well, I think the goal of this life. Well, I think the goal of this life. Well, I think the goal of deep Christian friendship is our deep Christian friendship is our deep Christian friendship is our sanctification and that we would be a sanctification and that we would be a sanctification and that we would be a vessel that God uses to sanctify our vessel that God uses to sanctify our vessel that God uses to sanctify our friends. So, I think about one of my friends. So, I think about one of my friends. So, I think about one of my good friends that recently, you know, I good friends that recently, you know, I good friends that recently, you know, I I invited her I wanted to let her know I invited her I wanted to let her know I invited her I wanted to let her know this is how I think of you. I think of this is how I think of you. I think of this is how I think of you. I think of you as a deep friend and I want to you as a deep friend and I want to you as a deep friend and I want to invite you into speaking into my blind invite you into speaking into my blind invite you into speaking into my blind spots because there's very few people spots because there's very few people spots because there's very few people who will do that, especially as a who will do that, especially as a who will do that, especially as a pastor's wife, you know, and so I need pastor's wife, you know, and so I need pastor's wife, you know, and so I need you to do that. And I I think I mean you to do that. And I I think I mean you to do that. And I I think I mean Jesus didn't have blind spots. He didn't Jesus didn't have blind spots. He didn't Jesus didn't have blind spots. He didn't need the disciples to do that. But he need the disciples to do that. But he need the disciples to do that. But he lived, moved, uh, you know, did ministry lived, moved, uh, you know, did ministry lived, moved, uh, you know, did ministry with his friends to allow them to with his friends to allow them to with his friends to allow them to experience him and to be sanctified, be experience him and to be sanctified, be experience him and to be sanctified, be changed and transformed by being in changed and transformed by being in changed and transformed by being in community with him. And so I think that community with him. And so I think that community with him. And so I think that can be our goal, too, is just that we can be our goal, too, is just that we can be our goal, too, is just that we would be the type of community that would be the type of community that would be the type of community that would be changed and would help bring would be changed and would help bring would be changed and would help bring change to our friends. change to our friends. change to our friends. >> That's such a good point, Christine. I >> That's such a good point, Christine. I >> That's such a good point, Christine. I I've been studying the Gospel of Mark I've been studying the Gospel of Mark I've been studying the Gospel of Mark and one thing I've been looking at these and one thing I've been looking at these and one thing I've been looking at these four different little vignettes with four different little vignettes with four different little vignettes with Jesus as he interacts with people and Jesus as he interacts with people and Jesus as he interacts with people and the the first one is all of these crowds the the first one is all of these crowds the the first one is all of these crowds are gathered around him pressing on him are gathered around him pressing on him are gathered around him pressing on him and you know he serves them but he's and you know he serves them but he's and you know he serves them but he's also trying to get away with them but also trying to get away with them but also trying to get away with them but then the very next one I've never really then the very next one I've never really then the very next one I've never really related to that one is Jesus and the 12 related to that one is Jesus and the 12 related to that one is Jesus and the 12 and it says that they were to be with and it says that they were to be with and it says that they were to be with him and it's to me it's this very him and it's to me it's this very him and it's to me it's this very relational aspect back. Like I always

relational aspect back. Like I always relational aspect back. Like I always thought, yeah, he called these people to thought, yeah, he called these people to thought, yeah, he called these people to be his followers, his specific be his followers, his specific be his followers, his specific followers, and it does say they were followers, and it does say they were followers, and it does say they were going to preach the gospel and do these going to preach the gospel and do these going to preach the gospel and do these things, but the first thing it said was things, but the first thing it said was things, but the first thing it said was that they were to be with him. So in the that they were to be with him. So in the that they were to be with him. So in the midst of all these crowds following him, midst of all these crowds following him, midst of all these crowds following him, and then the next vignette is actually and then the next vignette is actually and then the next vignette is actually the Pharisees who are opposing him. So the Pharisees who are opposing him. So the Pharisees who are opposing him. So he had these this opposition and he had he had these this opposition and he had he had these this opposition and he had these followers. And then it even says these followers. And then it even says these followers. And then it even says this is also the passage where his this is also the passage where his this is also the passage where his family's coming in and his family is family's coming in and his family is family's coming in and his family is like he's lost his mind. So even his like he's lost his mind. So even his like he's lost his mind. So even his family's failing him. You know, the family's failing him. You know, the family's failing him. You know, the Pharisees are condemning him. The crowds Pharisees are condemning him. The crowds Pharisees are condemning him. The crowds are pressing in on him. And yet he chose are pressing in on him. And yet he chose are pressing in on him. And yet he chose the 12 to be with him. And to me, it's a the 12 to be with him. And to me, it's a the 12 to be with him. And to me, it's a sweet picture of the God of all the sweet picture of the God of all the sweet picture of the God of all the universe, the triune God chose when he universe, the triune God chose when he universe, the triune God chose when he walked this earth to develop deep and walked this earth to develop deep and walked this earth to develop deep and intimate friendships. And we know at the intimate friendships. And we know at the intimate friendships. And we know at the end of Mark's gospel, every one of them end of Mark's gospel, every one of them end of Mark's gospel, every one of them deserted him. deserted him. deserted him. >> Yeah. But he still chose it. And to me, >> Yeah. But he still chose it. And to me, >> Yeah. But he still chose it. And to me, that's such an example of just like he that's such an example of just like he that's such an example of just like he chose to get away and rest, he chose chose to get away and rest, he chose chose to get away and rest, he chose what was spiritually healthy. It's what was spiritually healthy. It's what was spiritually healthy. It's spiritually healthy to have friendships.

spiritually healthy to have friendships. spiritually healthy to have friendships. So, we can sometimes look at the hard So, we can sometimes look at the hard So, we can sometimes look at the hard and say, "Yeah, just not going to do and say, "Yeah, just not going to do and say, "Yeah, just not going to do that. I'm going to be lone ranger. I that. I'm going to be lone ranger. I that. I'm going to be lone ranger. I I'll go to church." But you can't trust I'll go to church." But you can't trust I'll go to church." But you can't trust people. You know, you can't trust people. You know, you can't trust people. You know, you can't trust people. What would you say to someone people. What would you say to someone people. What would you say to someone who's kind of in that bitter place? who's kind of in that bitter place? who's kind of in that bitter place? Maybe like, "Yeah, I try female Maybe like, "Yeah, I try female Maybe like, "Yeah, I try female friendships. They just, you know, they friendships. They just, you know, they friendships. They just, you know, they always there's, you know, gossip, always there's, you know, gossip, always there's, you know, gossip, there's betrayal, um they're fluffy there's betrayal, um they're fluffy there's betrayal, um they're fluffy conversations about things I don't want conversations about things I don't want conversations about things I don't want to talk about. We hear that a lot in to talk about. We hear that a lot in to talk about. We hear that a lot in women's ministry. Yeah. Oh, the women women's ministry. Yeah. Oh, the women women's ministry. Yeah. Oh, the women just, you know, no one's talking about just, you know, no one's talking about just, you know, no one's talking about anything interesting. anything interesting. anything interesting. What do we say to that woman when we are What do we say to that woman when we are What do we say to that woman when we are that woman sometimes? And how do we move that woman sometimes? And how do we move that woman sometimes? And how do we move into those spaces and be the friend we into those spaces and be the friend we into those spaces and be the friend we want to be? want to be? want to be? >> Yes. Well, I think that hard is part of >> Yes. Well, I think that hard is part of >> Yes. Well, I think that hard is part of is part of it. And that God has allowed is part of it. And that God has allowed is part of it. And that God has allowed hard in all of life, including hard in all of life, including hard in all of life, including friendship. And for some reason, we hold friendship. And for some reason, we hold friendship. And for some reason, we hold friendship to be this. We think that friendship to be this. We think that friendship to be this. We think that it's kind of I would say it's our last it's kind of I would say it's our last it's kind of I would say it's our last dream to die as women because we think dream to die as women because we think dream to die as women because we think we can find this ideal relationship and we can find this ideal relationship and we can find this ideal relationship and we spend our whole life searching for we spend our whole life searching for we spend our whole life searching for it. But in fact, if we just embrace that it. But in fact, if we just embrace that it. But in fact, if we just embrace that God has written hard into it for a God has written hard into it for a God has written hard into it for a reason, for our growth and our reason, for our growth and our reason, for our growth and our sanctification, then I think we're more sanctification, then I think we're more sanctification, then I think we're more willing to continue to engage when we willing to continue to engage when we willing to continue to engage when we get hurt. So, I do want to acknowledge get hurt. So, I do want to acknowledge get hurt. So, I do want to acknowledge we all get hurt and we hurt people. And we all get hurt and we hurt people. And we all get hurt and we hurt people. And I've been hurt at times where I have I've been hurt at times where I have I've been hurt at times where I have needed to pull back a little and let God needed to pull back a little and let God needed to pull back a little and let God bring some healing in my life and help bring some healing in my life and help bring some healing in my life and help give me some perspective. And I have had

give me some perspective. And I have had give me some perspective. And I have had the thoughts of, is this worth it? Is the thoughts of, is this worth it? Is the thoughts of, is this worth it? Is this worth it for me to continue to put this worth it for me to continue to put this worth it for me to continue to put myself out there and to pursue and to uh myself out there and to pursue and to uh myself out there and to pursue and to uh make myself vulnerable to other people make myself vulnerable to other people make myself vulnerable to other people and to be heard again? And I've come to and to be heard again? And I've come to and to be heard again? And I've come to the conclusion that yes, it it is worth the conclusion that yes, it it is worth the conclusion that yes, it it is worth it. And some of it's kind of what you it. And some of it's kind of what you it. And some of it's kind of what you said, Melissa, that Jesus himself said, Melissa, that Jesus himself said, Melissa, that Jesus himself modeled this. This is something that is modeled this. This is something that is modeled this. This is something that is for our health and our good, even the for our health and our good, even the for our health and our good, even the hard parts. I have grown and been hard parts. I have grown and been hard parts. I have grown and been sanctified primarily through sanctified primarily through sanctified primarily through relationships and hopefully God has used relationships and hopefully God has used relationships and hopefully God has used me and other people's lives for that as me and other people's lives for that as me and other people's lives for that as well. This is what we are designed for. well. This is what we are designed for. well. This is what we are designed for. And so to continue to engage, there's a And so to continue to engage, there's a And so to continue to engage, there's a verse in Proverbs that says that verse in Proverbs that says that verse in Proverbs that says that basically a fool isolates themselves basically a fool isolates themselves basically a fool isolates themselves that wise people seek community. And I that wise people seek community. And I that wise people seek community. And I think wise people also seek good think wise people also seek good think wise people also seek good community and they also they bring community and they also they bring community and they also they bring themselves uh well into it. Meaning I themselves uh well into it. Meaning I themselves uh well into it. Meaning I would say sometimes when we get would say sometimes when we get would say sometimes when we get frustrated with friendship and we want frustrated with friendship and we want frustrated with friendship and we want to disengage and isolate, it's because to disengage and isolate, it's because to disengage and isolate, it's because we're thinking about ourselves and we're we're thinking about ourselves and we're we're thinking about ourselves and we're thinking about what we want and how thinking about what we want and how thinking about what we want and how [clears throat] other people have [clears throat] other people have [clears throat] other people have disappointed us. And so a lot of times I disappointed us. And so a lot of times I disappointed us. And so a lot of times I need to when I have needed to pull back need to when I have needed to pull back need to when I have needed to pull back and to reorient it's to remember that I and to reorient it's to remember that I and to reorient it's to remember that I am not that as a believer imitating how am not that as a believer imitating how am not that as a believer imitating how Jesus loves us that he came toward us.

Jesus loves us that he came toward us. Jesus loves us that he came toward us. He pursued me with grace and mercy and He pursued me with grace and mercy and He pursued me with grace and mercy and truth that I am to consider more often truth that I am to consider more often truth that I am to consider more often how I can engage people. How can I be a how I can engage people. How can I be a how I can engage people. How can I be a blessing? blessing? blessing? everyone's been hurt. So, how can I be a everyone's been hurt. So, how can I be a everyone's been hurt. So, how can I be a good friend to people? How can I bring good friend to people? How can I bring good friend to people? How can I bring in the outsider? Uh the people who are, in the outsider? Uh the people who are, in the outsider? Uh the people who are, as you're saying, the crowd standing by as you're saying, the crowd standing by as you're saying, the crowd standing by that Jesus wants to come in. I want to that Jesus wants to come in. I want to that Jesus wants to come in. I want to be that person that sees that person. be that person that sees that person. be that person that sees that person. And so, I have found that there's much And so, I have found that there's much And so, I have found that there's much more joy in relationships when I have more joy in relationships when I have more joy in relationships when I have the perspective of how can I be a the perspective of how can I be a the perspective of how can I be a blessing rather than well, I'm blessing rather than well, I'm blessing rather than well, I'm disappointed. disappointed. disappointed. >> I mean, I I get disappointed a lot. I >> I mean, I I get disappointed a lot. I >> I mean, I I get disappointed a lot. I think we all do. And so it's a it's a a think we all do. And so it's a it's a a think we all do. And so it's a it's a a matter of just acknowledging that and matter of just acknowledging that and matter of just acknowledging that and saying this is how it is, but we're saying this is how it is, but we're saying this is how it is, but we're going to continue to love as Jesus has going to continue to love as Jesus has going to continue to love as Jesus has loved us. I found joy in that. And and I loved us. I found joy in that. And and I loved us. I found joy in that. And and I do think it's worth it on the other side do think it's worth it on the other side do think it's worth it on the other side working to build relationships, working working to build relationships, working working to build relationships, working meaning working through conflict or meaning working through conflict or meaning working through conflict or bearing with somebody who's suffering, a bearing with somebody who's suffering, a bearing with somebody who's suffering, a friend who has nothing to give at for a friend who has nothing to give at for a friend who has nothing to give at for a season that we want to bear with them.

season that we want to bear with them. season that we want to bear with them. There's so much fruit and richness on There's so much fruit and richness on There's so much fruit and richness on the other side of that. And at my age, the other side of that. And at my age, the other side of that. And at my age, I've experienced that. And so I do think I've experienced that. And so I do think I've experienced that. And so I do think that that is worth it for that reason as that that is worth it for that reason as that that is worth it for that reason as well. well. well. >> I hear you saying like keep the long >> I hear you saying like keep the long >> I hear you saying like keep the long view in mind. Um work to have a biblical view in mind. Um work to have a biblical view in mind. Um work to have a biblical understanding of friendship, your own understanding of friendship, your own understanding of friendship, your own need for friendship that as need for friendship that as need for friendship that as I mean Jesus needed friends. We I mean Jesus needed friends. We I mean Jesus needed friends. We certainly you know it is not good for certainly you know it is not good for certainly you know it is not good for man to be alone and we actually need man to be alone and we actually need man to be alone and we actually need people around us speaking into our lives people around us speaking into our lives people around us speaking into our lives and doing community together because it and doing community together because it and doing community together because it is it is good for us. is life-giving, it is it is good for us. is life-giving, it is it is good for us. is life-giving, it is sanctifying, it is all these things. is sanctifying, it is all these things. is sanctifying, it is all these things. Um, and so for the woman who who maybe Um, and so for the woman who who maybe Um, and so for the woman who who maybe is jaded and and is like, I actually is jaded and and is like, I actually is jaded and and is like, I actually just prefer to be alone. Or to the woman just prefer to be alone. Or to the woman just prefer to be alone. Or to the woman who is super frustrated with all of her who is super frustrated with all of her who is super frustrated with all of her friendships, I hear you saying, every friendships, I hear you saying, every friendships, I hear you saying, every friendship will frustrate us because and friendship will frustrate us because and friendship will frustrate us because and we frustrate all of our friends. And so we frustrate all of our friends. And so we frustrate all of our friends. And so there's this long view that I hear you there's this long view that I hear you there's this long view that I hear you calling women to of both a biblical calling women to of both a biblical calling women to of both a biblical understanding, a biblical foundation, understanding, a biblical foundation, understanding, a biblical foundation, but then this long view understanding of but then this long view understanding of but then this long view understanding of yeah, we bear with one another and as yeah, we bear with one another and as yeah, we bear with one another and as they bear with us and and we do this, we they bear with us and and we do this, we they bear with us and and we do this, we pursue health and wholeness and we pursue health and wholeness and we pursue health and wholeness and we pursue Christ together, right?

pursue Christ together, right? pursue Christ together, right? Ultimately,