Robby Hoffman on Being Outed at 17

Another big transition for you. You were Another big transition for you. You were actually outed when you were 17 in a way actually outed when you were 17 in a way actually outed when you were 17 in a way that sounds like something out of Mean that sounds like something out of Mean that sounds like something out of Mean Girls. Girls. Girls. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Bro, this was brutal. >> Bro, this was brutal. >> Bro, this was brutal. So, I had a girlfriend, Italian, and So, I had a girlfriend, Italian, and So, I had a girlfriend, Italian, and this girl wanted to be out of the closet this girl wanted to be out of the closet this girl wanted to be out of the closet with me, and I was like, "I'm not being with me, and I was like, "I'm not being with me, and I was like, "I'm not being gay. Are you out of your mind? gay. Are you out of your mind? gay. Are you out of your mind? There's no way. I don't There's no way. I don't There's no way. I don't I'm not doing that. I I'm competi- I'm I'm not doing that. I I'm competi- I'm I'm not doing that. I I'm competi- I'm I'm doing well in school, getting a I'm doing well in school, getting a I'm doing well in school, getting a great job, and that's going to be the great job, and that's going to be the great job, and that's going to be the end of that." And so, she would say, end of that." And so, she would say, end of that." And so, she would say, "Fine." "Fine." "Fine." And I just like wouldn't talk to her in And I just like wouldn't talk to her in And I just like wouldn't talk to her in public. public. public. >> You didn't want to come out at this >> You didn't want to come out at this >> You didn't want to come out at this point because point because point because you just didn't feel like it was you just didn't feel like it was you just didn't feel like it was anyone's business, or you were anyone's business, or you were anyone's business, or you were >> Yeah, yeah, and I don't even think uh I >> Yeah, yeah, and I don't even think uh I >> Yeah, yeah, and I don't even think uh I don't know how long this is going to go. don't know how long this is going to go. don't know how long this is going to go. As soon as I found out I was gay, I was As soon as I found out I was gay, I was As soon as I found out I was gay, I was already living on my own. I was already already living on my own. I was already already living on my own. I was already having to make rent. I was in school having to make rent. I was in school having to make rent. I was in school full-time. I was working basically for full-time. I was working basically for full-time. I was working basically for full-time, too. full-time, too. full-time, too. I was living a really grown-up life, and I was living a really grown-up life, and I was living a really grown-up life, and I just could not have another thing. I just could not have another thing. I just could not have another thing. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> You know, and I was a very good kid by >> You know, and I was a very good kid by >> You know, and I was a very good kid by this point. I was taking school very this point. I was taking school very this point. I was taking school very seriously. So, I didn't go out too much, seriously. So, I didn't go out too much, seriously. So, I didn't go out too much, but I went out.

but I went out. but I went out. This is where it gets sloppy. This is where it gets sloppy. This is where it gets sloppy. So, we went to the student bar, and I So, we went to the student bar, and I So, we went to the student bar, and I was with all my friends, and was with all my friends, and was with all my friends, and she was with hers. So, then at some she was with hers. So, then at some she was with hers. So, then at some point, I think she text me to meet her point, I think she text me to meet her point, I think she text me to meet her in the bathroom. So, I went to meet her in the bathroom. So, I went to meet her in the bathroom. So, I went to meet her in the bathroom. in the bathroom. in the bathroom. So, we went into the stall together. So, we went into the stall together. So, we went into the stall together. There's a line, you know, in the There's a line, you know, in the There's a line, you know, in the bathroom. So, finally we got a stall. We bathroom. So, finally we got a stall. We bathroom. So, finally we got a stall. We get in the stall together, and we're get in the stall together, and we're get in the stall together, and we're making out in the stall. making out in the stall. making out in the stall. We're 17, who cares? We're 17, who cares? We're 17, who cares? And uh the door sprung open, and and and And uh the door sprung open, and and and And uh the door sprung open, and and and so, we were left like we pulled our so, we were left like we pulled our so, we were left like we pulled our embrace apart, embrace apart, embrace apart, and a girl that I had gone to school and a girl that I had gone to school and a girl that I had gone to school with, with, with, part of the Jewish community, saw me, part of the Jewish community, saw me, part of the Jewish community, saw me, this popular girl. this popular girl. this popular girl. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Didn't see me kissing, but something was >> Didn't see me kissing, but something was >> Didn't see me kissing, but something was what was going on. what was going on. what was going on. And yeah, by the next day it felt like And yeah, by the next day it felt like And yeah, by the next day it felt like everybody knew. It felt like the scene everybody knew. It felt like the scene everybody knew. It felt like the scene from A Walk to Remember. I was just from A Walk to Remember. I was just from A Walk to Remember. I was just walking through the cafeteria and walking through the cafeteria and walking through the cafeteria and everybody was like everybody was like everybody was like >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> I'm like lucky to be here. I really >> I'm like lucky to be here. I really >> I'm like lucky to be here. I really thought I thought I thought I I It was the worst time in my life.

I It was the worst time in my life. I It was the worst time in my life. I lost all my friends overnight. I lost all my friends overnight. I lost all my friends overnight. at 17 at 17 at 17 >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Yeah, all but two. >> Yeah, all but two. >> Yeah, all but two. My friends told me they thought it was My friends told me they thought it was My friends told me they thought it was just weird. And uh And uh I don't know. It was Yeah, they just I don't know. It was Yeah, they just I don't know. It was Yeah, they just thought it was weird. And again, it thought it was weird. And again, it thought it was weird. And again, it wasn't a time where nobody was gay. Just wasn't a time where nobody was gay. Just wasn't a time where nobody was gay. Just we were in a still pretty conservative we were in a still pretty conservative we were in a still pretty conservative environment. environment. environment. And then I had uh a couple friends. My And then I had uh a couple friends. My And then I had uh a couple friends. My friend Malay, shout out to Malay. She friend Malay, shout out to Malay. She friend Malay, shout out to Malay. She messaged me, "Yo, dog. messaged me, "Yo, dog. messaged me, "Yo, dog. Like I don't care what's going on. Here Like I don't care what's going on. Here Like I don't care what's going on. Here to talk if you want." And then my friend to talk if you want." And then my friend to talk if you want." And then my friend Ali, whose mother was always nice. She Ali, whose mother was always nice. She Ali, whose mother was always nice. She was like, "I don't give a was like, "I don't give a was like, "I don't give a Whatever. I hear stuff's going on. Whatever. I hear stuff's going on. Whatever. I hear stuff's going on. I don't have [snorts] I don't have [snorts] I don't have [snorts] You can talk to me. You don't have to You can talk to me. You don't have to You can talk to me. You don't have to talk to me." There was a couple people talk to me." There was a couple people talk to me." There was a couple people who were a bit of a lifeline.